as the title of this foolish work states,
this is certainly anything but a poem.
a collection of stupid words,
quiet and dumb sentences,
and misplaced despair.
this is the result of an untalented person,
trying to put their thoughts into empty words.
the sounds from their throat echos back to them.
even the ceilings do not answer.
why, i could blow up balloons with my tears.
but as you continue reading this collection
of unconnected thoughts and statements,
you must realize this is written by someone
whose words never worked for them.
how naive and shallow they must be.
so, yes.
this is not a poem.
in any way shape or form.
just ignorant letters making up idiotic sentences.
Feb 21, 2021
Feb 21, 2021 at 8:18 PM UTC
I have been warned,
from since I was young,
to be paranoid and observant.
Weary of the cyanide,
the arsenic and ricin,
the small capsules
tipped into our drinks.
But sometimes,
the most lethal and devastating poisons,
come from something not ingested or inhaled.
Our own mini suicides,
and the way we destroy ourselves.
Piece by piece.
I was never warned about them,
no, not at all.
in fact, I witnessed them.
I saw the quiet ways my mother ruined her own life,
the way she stayed up and cried.
I think she hated herself for it.
But I was no exception from self-destructions,
as I cut myself off from all social contact,
and hoped to myself that I would drown in the shower.
I ruined myself, slowly.
Not only did I go low, but I felt high at the same time.
I would cry one moment than feel more powerful than anyone else the next.
I am my own poison.
I am more dangerous to myself than ******* or marijuana.
I could play God and end my own life if I wanted.
I'm a threat to myself.
My very worst enemy.
Who needs rope when you have yourself?
Feb 20, 2021
Feb 20, 2021 at 10:36 PM UTC
and i sit,
at the desk with a paper,
and the clock behind me is ticking away.
"Make sure to double check your answers,"
a voice says from way up above.
whatever.
i don't care.
and the words,
the numbers and their dumb little meanings,
they slide in my brain,
working and moving, but not working.
the symbols will not connect and nothing makes sense.
the room is getting hotter and i cannot breathe, i dont think.
what is wrong?
but i do not ask for help,
and i do not cry,
nor do i calm myself,
because Golden Children do not.
Golden Children sit at their desks with a paper,
as the clock behind them ticks away.
Golden Children hear a voice from above call out,
"Make sure you double check your answers."
Golden Children get the answers right without worrying,
Golden Children are independent,
and the symbols always make sense to them.
the room never gets hotter for them and they are always able to breathe.
i am not a Golden Child.
but i can pretend.
Feb 20, 2021
Feb 20, 2021 at 10:17 PM UTC
I'm sorry that you do not like yourself sometimes.
I'm sorry that things don't work out for you.
I'm sorry that life is unfair at times.
I'm sorry that you feel selfish and worthless.
I'm sorry that your family dislikes you.
I'm sorry that people are disappointed in you.
I'm sorry that there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm sorry that they don't appreciate you.
I'm sorry that sometimes you break.
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 8:14 PM UTC
two stupid little ******* clumsy words.
they fall, and oh!
how they fall,
onto the empty space between us
like thick syrup.
the words come out of my mouth,
dumbly and slowly.
and yet
they make no sound to you,
and only sit imploringly,
begging to be noticed.
they make no difference.
It would've been much better for me to stay silent.
Jan 19, 2021
Jan 19, 2021 at 11:11 PM UTC
i read something yesterday about how everyone has invisible struggles.
"be kind, for everyone is fighting hidden battles.",
the quote was.
it made me wonder about the kids who used to bully me.
the kid from chemistry who made fun of my clothes,
the girl from 6th grade, who called me names.
the boy from 4th, who said i was ugly and no one would ever love me.
what **** was wrong with them?
and although i ask myself this,
i really would rather i leave myself without an answer.
it's much easier to despise people when you don't know what's wrong with them.
actually, i saw one of my bullies in the real world, pretty recently.
she didn't look very happy.
her eyes had bags and bruises on her face
i guess we all turn out the same.
Jan 16, 2021
Jan 16, 2021 at 2:16 AM UTC
cooper and gold slide around my mouth,
corrupting me slowly with their lethal beauty.
the thin slit on my neck is still there as well,
but there's not enough blood in the world for me.
and the colors of the world are dead and dull,
like an empty and bored piece of paper.
and the irrational paranoia is knocking on my door again,
and your cold and murderous gun on my forehead.
the strange shadows dance around my vision,
and i think the cars are trying to run me over.
cause you put poison in my food
and drugs inside my water.
but you didn't have the mercy,
to **** me quickly.
instead, my dreams suffocate me.
please don't be concerned, i'm not insane.
just afraid.
but maybe it's the same.
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 1:15 AM UTC
"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities."
that's what they said
that's what they preached
find a space in between
and that's all you'll need
but the infinities
between you and i
are unfathomably large
filled only by the sheer distance
of words that have gone unsaid
and i know that any distance can be traveled
any land walked over,
or bused over,
or talked over,
but sometimes it's better not.
sometimes it's better to let the silence slowly suffocate us,
until one of us forgets the other
Jan 14, 2021
Jan 14, 2021 at 9:13 PM UTC
is this heaven or hell?
oh, wait this is just reality
the demons sit on my lungs
taking their leisurely time
i'd love to scream
but my throat's closed up
a n d i c a n ' t b r e a t h e
but you told me i'll be alright?
...right?
Sep 9, 2020
Sep 9, 2020 at 1:36 AM UTC
-hi!
hello.
(would you mind leaving? i'm trying to draw)
-are you an artist?
no, i simply show the dizzing sight that is reality.
(you seem to be ignoring me and what i say, i've noticed)
-why don't you ever draw nature scenes?
i can't catch the melodies of the wind.
(when will you listen to me? when will you hear me?)
-how are you so deep?
i'm not deep, i merely put up with the darkness within me.
(how come no one listens when i talk?)
-can we be friends?
truthfully, no. you can try, but you'll eventually leave me like all the others
(no one ever hears, now, do they? i suppose i should just leave it alone.)
-thats rude!
we're off to a great start, you already hate me, well done!
(you heard me?)
-who don't let anyone through your walls?
lone wolves don't get b a c k s t a b b e d
(cities with the tallest walls don't get b u r n t down)
-why are you so negative?
all of my joy has been stolen by a liar or two
(the truth is a cynical beast, my dear)
-who hurt you?!
my own expectations and the despair that ultimately followed
i expected you to hear me
i expected you to see me
i'm growing tired of hearing myself say over and over again,
crying out for all the world to see my despair
yet no one hears a thing,
"does anyone see me?"
Sep 3, 2020
Sep 3, 2020 at 12:52 AM UTC