1.Even at the age of forty four,
I can't escape a lifetime trend.
For what's always been my fatal flaw,
is messing things up RIGHT at the end.
2. You can guarantee that, in the final furlong,
or, as the clock strikes the eleventh hour.
Despite my best efforts, something will go wrong,
and matters will turn decidedly sour.
3. You've displayed great competence throughout your shift,
and are feeling glad to be alive.
But when you cash up, you can't help but be miffed,
when you completely ****** up tills four and five.
4. I carefully box up some flowers for a mate,
and carry them with movements so deft.
As we reach her car, I drop them with such force of weight,
they barely have any petals left.
5. Whilst out on a club run, I'm well ahead in first,
surely this is something I can't botch?
But a personal best becomes a personal worst,
when I neglect to stop my GPS watch.
6. You mow your neighbour's lawns, as you're more physically able,
hoping to leave them fit for a spot of tennis.
But then, on match point, you cut through the cable,
so they now think you're a bit of a menace.
7. I write a Mother's Day card that's an absolute jewel,
with words so heartfelt and sublime.
And then accidentally sign it "Love from Liverpool",
because I was watching the footie at the time.
8. I dribble skilfully around the entire opposition,
and then miss the open goal.
A new lowest round of golf? I'm definitely in position,
before scoring 12 on the final hole.
9. Your homemade tomato sauce is so top-drawer,
that you could be in a trattoria in Rome,
you then serve the pasta not just al dente, but raw,
leaving no doubt you're actually at home.
10. You take a care home resident on a wonderful road trip,
that's over 200 miles, without crashing.
You reverse up the drive, but forget about the skip,
until you hear the sound of the back window smashing.
11. I took another patient to see Chas and Dave,
and we sang along to their hits, such as "Rabbit".
But I lost him during the encore, which could have been grave,
such misfortune was fast becoming a habit!
12. You treat your family to a Chinese - it's great!
but then proceed to break your Mum's favourite plate.
Okay, so it wasn't exactly a priceless Ming bowl,
but it was still her preferred crockery, off which to eat a spring roll.
13. This fiendish Sudoku has proved such a drain,
that I'm going to end up looking like Gollum.
I finally emerge triumphant! But, here we go again,
I've got two 9's in the same blasted column.
14. That brew is the best I've made since the last Halley's comet,
and I plan to savour the concluding drop.
But either it goes down the wrong way, and I cough 'til I *****
or I spill it all over my new top.
15. And so, we near this composition's ******
like the credits rolling at your local IMAX.
If my life had a post-credits scene,
I'd probably still be acting like a clumsier Mr. Bean.
16. Or, for an older generation, a certain Frank Spencer,
and, ooooh Betty, things are definitely getting tenser.
Because I'd no doubt be left feeling completely aghast,
if I messed up this poem, right at the last.
Having had so many chances, to proof read and amend,
it would be absolutely mortifying, to have a typo at end the!
Aug 5, 2023
Aug 5, 2023 at 2:44 PM UTC