“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
Momma! Can you hear me? I can hear you singing through tears momma. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be ok momma. I’m not in the dark anymore. Here there’s only light, and plenty of room to run. Momma it’s amazing here!Everything is going to be ok. So please, please, please, momma, don’t cry, rest your head, let me sing to you.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
No one knows. No one knows the loss of my own body, the ripping and savagery that took my own flesh. The pain that blooded and caressed my thighs.
They did no wrong, they hadn’t even breathed never the less committed a single sin. My beautiful, beautiful baby. did I do you wrong? Did your creation create a target on your head. A punishment for my sin.
You didn’t deserve to be stripped of the earth, before you could even experience it. To be failed by the body that was supposed to love you the most.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
And I hold these red beads in my hands, thinking of that day when red was all I could see. Grasping this shield singing and praying for healing. Wondering who you could have been. Creating these ideas of who you would of looked like.
If you would of had my brown curly hair and his silly smile. If you would have his musical genius and my creative brain. Thinking just how beautifully beautiful you would’ve been.
Could you solve a math equation from the top of your head, would you sleep till noon like your father, or wake up early like me, would you continue the tradition and play tennis or would you create your own traditions, Would I walk you down the isle, or button up your tux? Oh my dear child you don’t even know what it would have been like to baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirt.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
Baby my sweet child,
Why did you leave before I could even say your name?
Why did you give into the white light and leave me with a scarlet pain?
Did you sacrifice yourself to spare me of what life I would have lived with you in it?
But I want you in my life. I dream of your ringing footsteps, of you crying out for me, of holding you to my breast and carrying for you with everything I have.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
Baby, I’m sorry I never got the chance to love you.
But you’re not a baby anymore now are you, you’re my little angel.
Sweet angel of mine, I’m sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry that I can’t internalize a reason for you death even though your death was internal for me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the life that you deserved.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
My beautiful baby I love you till this day.
You might be gone, but the idea of who you could have been lives on with me, forever.
I’m sorry our love died I’m sorry that my body wasn’t strong enough to hold you.
I was carrying so much, that it made me lose my everything that could of been you.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
I would have named you Mark or John, or Mary magdalin, I would have rocked you to sleep every night. Loved you with all of my heart, sing to you till your precious eyes closed, and I would be sure to let you know I loved you. I loved you while you were being formed, and I loved and I missed you while you were deformed.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
Baby, sweet child of mine, how could you have left when there is so much love left for you here with me. Why did you go home before I had the chance to make you a home of this world. Before I could even see your face before we could even given you a name.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
Precious little baby I know you’re at the gates of heaven, and I know you’re not mine, so all I ask from you is to send me a sign that you’re ok, that I can be ok without you.
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”
But I lay here barren and empty.
Scooped bare, and ripped apart internally.
I have nothing to give you but my love.
I will always love you. My sweet beautiful baby. And I will hold my hand to your previous home of my body and feel for your heartbeat, your sweet beautiful innocent heart beat and I will never forget you, the love of my life, the one I never knew.
Dec 29, 2018
Dec 29, 2018 at 6:51 PM UTC
Too many rainbows in the sky left behind by storms going by
Rainbows aren’t worth the pain they come from rain rainbow you’re not worth the pain
Oh I can’t
I won’t keep pretending that the color in my eyes was worth the disguise
I can’t
I won’t keep pretending that the color in my eyes was worth my time
Not worth my time
Too many rainbows in the sky
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 1:06 PM UTC
I know you see me
I know you hold me
I know you think of me
But you don’t think about ME
I see your eyes so close to mine and I get lost in whats underneath, what it is you’re thinking, if there is any chance of you loving me.
I know you’re scared
But please don’t be scared
Yes love is dangerous
But I don’t want to be afraid
I hope that someday you can hold my hand in front of everyone with pride, and not want to hide
I hope that one day you can kiss me and not be scared that it will actually mean something to you
I hope that everyday this will mean something to you
Do I mean something to you?
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 12:59 PM UTC
He blames me for hIs pain and I can’t Love myself fOr that I’m sorry if i was the one who hurt you but I’m glad you’re moVing on Im happy for you Even thoUgh I’m STILL dying inside
Sep 25, 2018
Sep 25, 2018 at 6:56 PM UTC
Soy el rey de mi vida, he perdido un amigo mío. Este era mi mundo, mi vida y mi amor.
Sep 15, 2018
Sep 15, 2018 at 8:33 AM UTC
Every morning I jump through the brush.
A thicket of knots and thorns that’s on top of my head.
Every day I pick rose petals from my garden, and I place them on each apple of my face.
Every night I take off my camouflage, and glow with a fluorescent blue light that keeps the neighbors up at night.
I am an apple on the branch of a tree that branches through canopies and canopies of leaves and leaves to find an inch of light, to get out of the darkness. An apple that blooms off the twists and turns of sticks over sticks that grow and meet through out the years, I am an apple.
I am a wonder of the world, I am a miracle that pops through the wilderness.
I am nature.
Jul 17, 2018
Jul 17, 2018 at 10:51 AM UTC
People say love is a house that you walk in to when you are lost, but love is more like the choppy sea you sail on with the person you love being the lighthouse that could lead you into the rocks, but trust them to lead you to the shore.
Sadly my love pushed me into the rocks and left me lying on the beach to starve, picked me up to rock me to sleep, forced rocks down my throat to then throw me into the waves to watch me drown.
May 17, 2018
May 17, 2018 at 2:53 PM UTC
1
Learn to love the color pink, because as soon as you are born you are smothered by all things cute and dainty, and yes of course they are pink, so learn to love the color pink, pink being the balloons that say things like “ Congrats it’s a Girl” as if they would be proud to have such a thing. Pink as the muscles beneath our skin, pink as the human brain, but god forbid we think, pink as in meat, pink as in weak, pink as in baby blankets that are raised just a little too far over your head, pink as in let’s try again, pink as in you are weak, pink as in no, pink as in you can’t do that, pink as in me, pink as an identity I will forever be forced to be in love with.
2
Always hold daddy’s hand, because they’re are bad men around every corner
3
Cross your legs and learn to sit still. You can’t play with toy cars your a little girl hot wheels are for the brave at heart you need a Malibu girl, something smooth and rounded, something you can’t ***** yourself on. Something that is perfect for the pink one.
4
Learn to herd to the bathroom. Never forget the buddy system because you don’t want to end up missing like the girl across the street
5
Learn early on that you should steal your mother’s makeup, no matter what she says, because with out it we look “tired”
6
Don’t be scared of blood, be scared of men.
7
Play with your hair, pull down your shirt, be exotic, and beautiful. Everyone loves a playful girl.
8
Don’t go back home till you have a good husband and a baby that didn’t turn out pink like you. A baby with an actual chance for greatness in this world.
9
SHUT UP WOMAN
10
Say no
May 5, 2018
May 5, 2018 at 8:30 AM UTC
I want to be special, I want to be able to look and say “god **** you’re beautiful” but I can’t do that, because every time I look in the mirror I see that, I see this, I see the little girl that I used to be and I want to grab her and I want to hold her, and I want to place her head against my chest to hear my heart beat, to hear our heart beat, let her know that she still has a heart to beat to in the future. And as our deflated lungs inhale and exhale, she will drift through the mirror, but she will remember me, and she will know that her hands and feet have a purpose, that she has a purpose we have a purpose, and she will know that she doesn’t have to be the icing on top of the cake, or an angle. And she will know that she is beautiful, and that she doesn’t have to prove it to anyone.
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 5:43 PM UTC
I’ve always been inside a hollow cage, trapped between thick bones of rage. If only an ounce of persistence existed within my lawless resistance, maybe then I could be free, not wrapped in the arms of the enemy. More like sheltered in a quilt of fluff or anything worth more than this bluff.
But there’s nothing I can do here
No uno card to draw that’ll dry this tear, there’s only empty spots and overly busy thoughts, till I can see my will, and figure out how not to kill. The real aspect of my rage is not the one who locked me in this cage, but the one who locked itself in my mind, clouding my judgement and making me go blind.
Jan 22, 2018
Jan 22, 2018 at 11:05 AM UTC