The seething disturbance
The heart shaking kind
Has eased on my fragile soul
And plague inflicted mind
You know the reason why?
Time doesn't want to talk,
Yet god's rays cometh back come spring
Just because amongst the living you walk
Your heart is still under siege
How much longer can those walls hold?
You must know the road alone is long
How many more will you break as you grow old?
All those who approach your throne
Could never hope to realise
What that beautiful, stupid mind thinks
Behind those beautiful, empire felling eyes
None of this is your fault, nobody should
Cry because of something one can't control
Sending you down a spiral, you never thought
Would go beyond even the deepest hole
I could never hate you, although I want to
Everyone is the hero of their own story
Nobody can blame another for seeing differently
I've learned a lot, even the thing I needed, humility
Perfect and broken, unfortunate
Qualities that attract more war
Even I couldn't resist the battle call, sadly
You can't hope to see beyond my selfish bore
Maybe through this loyalty to yourself
That your candle is still lit
Even if a life as hectic as the ocean
Is striving to extinguish it
But a calm body of water, the frequency
Of that all healing, riveting smile
Perhaps a piece of my demise
Sure enough, gave you another mile
Cannot tell you how sorry I am for all this
If you want to, keep this in your memory
Know that I felt some minute solace,
Thinking at least for now you are "happy"
Jul 1, 2019
Jul 1, 2019 at 9:04 AM UTC
Grateful to a self proclaimed god,
A piece of art I can fathom not
A witness to the echoing thought
Of one whom my heart so relentlessly sought
I spilled my soul upon her heaps
The soul of someone who rarely weeps
But made feel true emotion
Through this misunderstood notion
Sailing past the answering letter
The sailor should not have hoped for better
Saltwater, you see, induces dreams
Mirages of sirens, who need help it seems
The goal is beautiful to the mindful
Who can blame one to try and be rightful
Withering skies could not have fortold
Just how much salt a liver can hold
Asleep now, incessantly dying
Knowing the fact she's not even trying
There's much a simple mind can't process
But the sorrow doesn't regress the progress
The seas will calm down come morning
As the endless horizons stop drowning
A broken boat, a broken man
Should still eventually sail again
Jun 27, 2019
Jun 27, 2019 at 11:56 AM UTC
This endless cycle of ups
This endless cycle of downs
Once it breaks you out of these cuffs
Only to realise, you're the only one that drowns
You sense movement in your tearducts
From time to time, it shocks as it's warm
Meaning to let you down with waves of floods
Overwhelming you, before you resort to harm
Letting your eyes cough once more
Eroding the sandman's architecture
Which of them was left by which sore?
You ask while once again you lose all texture
So the vicious cycle can begin again
Building up to another main event
Over and over and over, my friend
Just when the **** will this ******* end
Seemingly calming now, I thought
The sun looks to be shining on this lord of cinder
But I need to find another siren to float
The next will drag me down in a different manner
But if it goes as far as to hold me,
I don't think it will matter
I'm cold, can you help me?
Give me another chance to flee
To see this wasn't all for no reason
Tell me this knowledge will elevate me
Otherwise fall might be my favorite season
Jun 25, 2019
Jun 25, 2019 at 7:51 AM UTC
Dissapating clarity
An invoiced heartache
A handpicked flower, lost
To gullible hypocracy
Dreary, windy, however bright
Mute songbirds terrified
Of the silence after the storm
They have wings, why do they fear height?
The life ending natural cause
Who you thought would give warmth
Left your eyes hungry for more,
For just a little bit more applause
The benefit of circumstance
Keep the leaves hanging on
Wanting to fall, needing to fall
They will learn the meaning of distance
Jun 24, 2019
Jun 24, 2019 at 9:27 AM UTC
So beautiful, so safe
Makes you feel
At home, at hope, at faith
Makes you question the boundaries
Of the infinite beauty
In this world God made
As her surface radiates
But as the willow retaliates
And as the widow segregates
You see the resemblence
Of duality on her face,
In her eyes an infinite cold
The kind you would still embrace
Just to be blessed by her grace.
So you could die at least,
Again and again and again
Comforted you might feast
On her illusion of radience
Amongst the ones, she recognises not
Seen as just another self righteous,
Humbling, esoteric beast.
Jun 22, 2019
Jun 22, 2019 at 9:36 AM UTC
I am tempted to leave it
To give up again
Once and for all
But I find I can't
I made an oath to myself
To finish what I started
To challenge my feelings
But I am left thwarted
I wish I saw her side
All the mistakes I've made
Could I have prolonged it?
The inevitable, premade
I was always going to fail
But this ******* glimmer of hope
The good old learning experience
Has left me at the end of a rope
It's not even over for god's sake
The glimmer's still there
Only very dimm
Why can't I not care?
I have to see her every day
This is not my choice
I only wish to help in the end
But the indifference in her voice
Makes me have to pretend to understand
But I can't, I won't
Will I never?
No telling if it is worth it
Still, this can't last forever
Can it?
Painful bliss, Blissful Pain
Is my present, my drain
Now I feel only rain
But from dead, dry earth
What has anyone to gain?
Jun 21, 2019
Jun 21, 2019 at 10:28 AM UTC
Thought I was lost
For the longest time
Wandering the void
For this soul of mine
For a gift
A divine purpose
Given to me only
If I shatter this circus
If I see beyond
A blind realisation
A choked thought
Into full illumination
For the first time in a long time
Slipping out of the gap again
I'm alive when I find the ones
Who themselves't dreaden
Who deserve more than
Being in their element
Who can be more than
Self righteous sedement
Humility is my present
Not past, but future
My purpose again
To, in return nurture
To expect no more
Than to let them think
Of ash and a newborn
Fullfillment and the brink
For my heart I will
Send their regards
For as long as this
Presence embalms
Jun 20, 2019
Jun 20, 2019 at 9:04 AM UTC
I tell myself, stop looking at others
And look at the positives of yourself
Subconscious jealousy is what bothers
And I fail to see the positives of my existence, even if they are there
My mind brushes it all off
I know it could be worse, it's just not my fault
I feel ignored even if I don't speak much
Even when I do, they laugh and listen
And even the hugs at the end, that fill me with warmth
Leave my soul empty afterwards hungry for more
For a sustained lifeforce, that lets me be myself
And flourish amidst the success of mediocrity
And loss of value even in those who are not just people enjoying life, but also enjoying what they got
It's not learnable I tried and I cried
And I cried And I cried And I cried
Leave me alone, let me be happy
please don't leave me, oh precious sanity
Jun 19, 2019
Jun 19, 2019 at 7:35 PM UTC
I'm full.
I'm filled with thoughts.
Why do I feel a hole.
I've never felt before.
A small void.
Still, I'm missing something.
That ***** up everything else.
An embrace.
That deletes all further thoughts.
That closes the void.
That leaves me fragile.
And opens up something else.
And engulfs my soul.
So I can breathe again.
So I can cry again.
Jun 19, 2019
Jun 19, 2019 at 8:16 AM UTC
Several days went by uneventful
Every once in a while she isn't resentful
I cannot find an explanation,
A motive for her motivation
Mysterious, as she is,
There's something behind the scenes
But why is there no consistency?
How is she lonely so casually?
She baffles me, unreprihansible
The only one to me, unreadable
There must be a reason why,
She doesn't try and she doesn't cry
She encloses herself, a princess of ice
Yet when she's herself, she flies
Something is definitely holding her back,
I wonder if one day, she might crack
Jun 18, 2019
Jun 18, 2019 at 12:05 PM UTC