SSWriter - Hello Poetry

You worship at My shrine and give Your sweet and labored love You tell Me “i’d give my whole life to You” And “I only want to be held by You” I look down and swallow it whole It is not enough Though ripe and plump And full to bursting It is not enough Is it fair of Me to ask a mortal to feed My thirst? Is it fair that I look for a different taste A better fruit then what anyone can offer You built My temple and made Me whole But it is not enough And your fruit is simply too sweet If I demand you to wait While I look for a better taste Would you? If I told you to kneel At My holy shrine Until your knees bleed And your fruit rots I know you would

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Nov 21, 2022

Nov 21, 2022 at 6:21 PM UTC

worship

You worship at My shrine and give Your sweet and labored love You tell Me “i’d give my whole life to You” And “I only want to be held by You” I look down and swallow it whole It is not enough Though ripe and plump And full to bursting It is not enough Is it fair of Me to ask a mortal to feed My thirst? Is it fair that I look for a different taste A better fruit then what anyone can offer You built My temple and made Me whole But it is not enough And your fruit is simply too sweet If I demand you to wait While I look for a better taste Would you? If I told you to kneel At My holy shrine Until your knees bleed And your fruit rots I know you would

23

I want you to hold me tight and feel my muscles tense up I want you to caress my face and watch as I force myself to stay I want you to touch me until I start to shake I want you to feel my body shutter beneath your hand I want you to know how much I crave you and how sick it makes me feel

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Dec 25, 2020

Dec 25, 2020 at 2:19 PM UTC

Consequences

I want you to hold me tight and feel my muscles tense up I want you to caress my face and watch as I force myself to stay I want you to touch me until I start to shake I want you to feel my body shutter beneath your hand I want you to know how much I crave you and how sick it makes me feel

5

Walking with you by this orange glow Your smile keeps me warm Our breath is shown The cold trying to get through But your smile keeps me warm The rain is harsh The colors fade But the orange glow resides Your arms hug me tight Keeping me safe And the orange glow resides It's dark outside The sun going down But I'm shielded from the night Your orange glow Lights my life And I'm shielded from the night

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Oct 23, 2018

Oct 23, 2018 at 10:44 AM UTC

Night walk

Walking with you by this orange glow Your smile keeps me warm Our breath is shown The cold trying to get through But your smile keeps me warm The rain is harsh The colors fade But the orange glow resides Your arms hug me tight Keeping me safe And the orange glow resides It's dark outside The sun going down But I'm shielded from the night Your orange glow Lights my life And I'm shielded from the night

17

Numb My legs go numb the thoughts invading my head Stupid thoughts that I know are a figment of my imagination I am starting to believe the repetition tricking my body I feel the exhaustion the weight of my thoughts is crushing I feel like Atlas, the weight of the world on his shoulder Keeping it in when it's trying to get out. Out of my eyes out of my mouth out of my pores, my nose, my ears I feel like I'm going to ***** my voice gets small my belief is growing in these lies I lay I didn't think this before I didn't feel this before I know its stupid I know I shouldn't believe it but I do and that's terrifying

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Sep 7, 2018

Sep 7, 2018 at 8:01 AM UTC

Fear

Numb My legs go numb the thoughts invading my head Stupid thoughts that I know are a figment of my imagination I am starting to believe the repetition tricking my body I feel the exhaustion the weight of my thoughts is crushing I feel like Atlas, the weight of the world on his shoulder Keeping it in when it's trying to get out. Out of my eyes out of my mouth out of my pores, my nose, my ears I feel like I'm going to ***** my voice gets small my belief is growing in these lies I lay I didn't think this before I didn't feel this before I know its stupid I know I shouldn't believe it but I do and that's terrifying

22

At night, I listen to music I listen to music to calm my thoughts Thoughts that tell me I'm worthless At night, I look at my darkroom and think of him I think of what we have done together Of what we could be doing Of what we could be talking about If not for her At night, I cry I cry because I feel like I'm losing I'm losing hope that people care People care for me and I'm not alone I'm with someone that can help me navigate the sea full of rocks The sea full of heartbreak and failures At night, I look up at the stars I see dots that swim in the dark blue blanket of sky They float clueless to what horrors lie ahead Stars are like children They bring light to a dark world At night I dream Dream of a world where my family doesn't berate me like an animal Who just ****** on the carpet Dream of a world where we can live in peace A world where shootings and ****** was unheard of A world where we can all be happy But this is just a dream Dreams aren't reality But at night It's my reality

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Apr 4, 2018

Apr 4, 2018 at 10:36 PM UTC

At Night

At night, I listen to music I listen to music to calm my thoughts Thoughts that tell me I'm worthless At night, I look at my darkroom and think of him I think of what we have done together Of what we could be doing Of what we could be talking about If not for her At night, I cry I cry because I feel like I'm losing I'm losing hope that people care People care for me and I'm not alone I'm with someone that can help me navigate the sea full of rocks The sea full of heartbreak and failures At night, I look up at the stars I see dots that swim in the dark blue blanket of sky They float clueless to what horrors lie ahead Stars are like children They bring light to a dark world At night I dream Dream of a world where my family doesn't berate me like an animal Who just ****** on the carpet Dream of a world where we can live in peace A world where shootings and ****** was unheard of A world where we can all be happy But this is just a dream Dreams aren't reality But at night It's my reality

29

Do you ever feel like you want sadness? Like wet wood that would like to be lit But it will burn to death if it was Do you ever want to have a feeling With tears running down your cheek Because it is the only way to know You can still feel? Do you ever just want to feel like Your jumping into an ocean of ink Because it's better than just feeling "fine"? Or "good"? Or even anger, because you know That anger will eventually turn into shame For the things you said Or the words you didn't utter Do you ever just hunger for a feeling of choking on emotion that left you a voice mail and you were too scared to answer but your ready to call back Do you ever just want to crumble into The flames of depression because it's more comfortable than the feeling of your emotions withering away to ash Do you ever just want to drown in your tears, because its better than feeling numb to the events in your life Or lack thereof, so school and therapy are the only interactions with humans you have And going out of that room will be meaningless because you have no plans today like always so the only Event you can have is A panic attack or feeling suicidal Do you ever just want to be depressed Because it is easier to identify Like wet wood that would like to be lit Because burning alive is better than the chill of just surviving

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Feb 24, 2018

Feb 24, 2018 at 6:58 PM UTC

Burning

Do you ever feel like you want sadness? Like wet wood that would like to be lit But it will burn to death if it was Do you ever want to have a feeling With tears running down your cheek Because it is the only way to know You can still feel? Do you ever just want to feel like Your jumping into an ocean of ink Because it's better than just feeling "fine"? Or "good"? Or even anger, because you know That anger will eventually turn into shame For the things you said Or the words you didn't utter Do you ever just hunger for a feeling of choking on emotion that left you a voice mail and you were too scared to answer but your ready to call back Do you ever just want to crumble into The flames of depression because it's more comfortable than the feeling of your emotions withering away to ash Do you ever just want to drown in your tears, because its better than feeling numb to the events in your life Or lack thereof, so school and therapy are the only interactions with humans you have And going out of that room will be meaningless because you have no plans today like always so the only Event you can have is A panic attack or feeling suicidal Do you ever just want to be depressed Because it is easier to identify Like wet wood that would like to be lit Because burning alive is better than the chill of just surviving

36

Lead I wake up and my head is as heavy as lead The bed is hugging me tightly telling me that if I stay, ill be safe The bed drown me comfortingly with the tears that I've wept Sting My eyes sting from the lack of sleep they sting like my tears are poison I walk to school obstinately because I know I am part of a hoard fo depressed children trying not to succumb to the urge to **** themselves before the gunman does that job for us Black While I'm writing my 3rd essay this week a black cloud suffocates me its smoke climbing its way into my airway turning into ink as it enters my lungs I walk around with the cloud Cry I am trying to keep myself together when we get a division problem a simple equation that anyone could do but I forget how to divide by 5 I feel the tears crawling from my chest I start to feel like I cant breath I choke down the tears Pills I have to take pills now they help I'm not ashamed of it though I'm scared I'm scared that if I run out I'm going to hurt myself... But I won't. I need to have confidence in myself Please seek help

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Feb 21, 2018

Feb 21, 2018 at 6:43 PM UTC

Symptoms

Lead I wake up and my head is as heavy as lead The bed is hugging me tightly telling me that if I stay, ill be safe The bed drown me comfortingly with the tears that I've wept Sting My eyes sting from the lack of sleep they sting like my tears are poison I walk to school obstinately because I know I am part of a hoard fo depressed children trying not to succumb to the urge to **** themselves before the gunman does that job for us Black While I'm writing my 3rd essay this week a black cloud suffocates me its smoke climbing its way into my airway turning into ink as it enters my lungs I walk around with the cloud Cry I am trying to keep myself together when we get a division problem a simple equation that anyone could do but I forget how to divide by 5 I feel the tears crawling from my chest I start to feel like I cant breath I choke down the tears Pills I have to take pills now they help I'm not ashamed of it though I'm scared I'm scared that if I run out I'm going to hurt myself... But I won't. I need to have confidence in myself Please seek help

36

Sometimes I want to be with people But others I want to be alone. When I say I want to be with people I mean I want to watch a video While you sit and drink wine Though this is interpreted as rude For me this is heaven A place where no one is overwhelmingly happy A place where there can be sound But I am relaxed When I mean relaxed I mean not feeling like my bones are melting in my chest Or like my vocal cords are sealed shut So when I'm in a crowded room of people chattering I see my dog lying on the floor, untouched I want to be that dog To be that dog who no one expects to be talking or doing activities I'm in that room a person though Getting the life ****** out of me My vocal cords shaped off My bones melting in my chest I smile back at there's but its fake I feel like they know They know how tired I am How dark the bags under my eyes are How shook my voice is When my mother tells me to get off my phone She doesn't understand that my phone Is a task a task to distract my mind from the noise So when I put this down I am aware When I am aware I am scared When I am scared I do not function When I don't function I can not talk so there is no right answer here

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Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018 at 4:41 PM UTC

Overwhelming

Sometimes I want to be with people But others I want to be alone. When I say I want to be with people I mean I want to watch a video While you sit and drink wine Though this is interpreted as rude For me this is heaven A place where no one is overwhelmingly happy A place where there can be sound But I am relaxed When I mean relaxed I mean not feeling like my bones are melting in my chest Or like my vocal cords are sealed shut So when I'm in a crowded room of people chattering I see my dog lying on the floor, untouched I want to be that dog To be that dog who no one expects to be talking or doing activities I'm in that room a person though Getting the life ****** out of me My vocal cords shaped off My bones melting in my chest I smile back at there's but its fake I feel like they know They know how tired I am How dark the bags under my eyes are How shook my voice is When my mother tells me to get off my phone She doesn't understand that my phone Is a task a task to distract my mind from the noise So when I put this down I am aware When I am aware I am scared When I am scared I do not function When I don't function I can not talk so there is no right answer here

33

Me I am a Cliche I love art and am very reserved I am bisexual and love to yell it off rooftops I love video games I love to read I am in Love with You You are Independent You walk by me in the halls and Smile You the locker next to mine and You are the one I spend my weekends with You have let me into your bed, tho nothing happened I wish it did You are into other girls You do not love Me I tried to tell you once, remember? You thought I was joking I Hear your name and blush I think of our conversations... should I have said that? I sit in your bed and realize that "This" is never going to be a reality I lay in my bed and cry about You You look at Her You see Her in class and smile You hear Her name and Blush You got her a necklace... I don't know why, but when I heard that... I felt a ping guilt You don't look at Me I fantasize about you and me I Feel the hot shame of loving You I want to stop loving you I love You

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Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018 at 4:30 PM UTC

Cliché

Me I am a Cliche I love art and am very reserved I am bisexual and love to yell it off rooftops I love video games I love to read I am in Love with You You are Independent You walk by me in the halls and Smile You the locker next to mine and You are the one I spend my weekends with You have let me into your bed, tho nothing happened I wish it did You are into other girls You do not love Me I tried to tell you once, remember? You thought I was joking I Hear your name and blush I think of our conversations... should I have said that? I sit in your bed and realize that "This" is never going to be a reality I lay in my bed and cry about You You look at Her You see Her in class and smile You hear Her name and Blush You got her a necklace... I don't know why, but when I heard that... I felt a ping guilt You don't look at Me I fantasize about you and me I Feel the hot shame of loving You I want to stop loving you I love You

36

I am scared I'm at a party I don't want to go to I'm in a corner, trying to vanish into the wall My heart is racing, but they don't know that I'm in a dress far too tight for comfort I feel my body going limp, but if I fall the director will yell She walks to me, smile on her face and glimmer in her eye My mind goes blank, black She talks, but I don't hear her, I mean I do but its hard on my heartbeat I force a smile, but my eyes are wide The director comes over, tells me to talk I shake my head She pushes me on stage, spotlights blinding me I stand there, forcing a smile but tears in my eyes The director pulls me back I tell her I can't do it “But they love you! They love you!” It doesn't matter I can't do it The tears run down my cheek “They love you” My ears ring “They love you” My chest hurts “They love you” My vision blurs “THEY LOVE YOU” My knees buckle “THEY LOVE YOU” I cant breath “THEY LOVE YOU!” I cant hear over the screaming “THEY LOVE YOU. THEY LOVE YOU. THEY LOVE YOU THEY LOVE YOU THEY LOVE YOU!”

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Dec 1, 2017

Dec 1, 2017 at 3:32 PM UTC

Sharp

I am scared I'm at a party I don't want to go to I'm in a corner, trying to vanish into the wall My heart is racing, but they don't know that I'm in a dress far too tight for comfort I feel my body going limp, but if I fall the director will yell She walks to me, smile on her face and glimmer in her eye My mind goes blank, black She talks, but I don't hear her, I mean I do but its hard on my heartbeat I force a smile, but my eyes are wide The director comes over, tells me to talk I shake my head She pushes me on stage, spotlights blinding me I stand there, forcing a smile but tears in my eyes The director pulls me back I tell her I can't do it “But they love you! They love you!” It doesn't matter I can't do it The tears run down my cheek “They love you” My ears ring “They love you” My chest hurts “They love you” My vision blurs “THEY LOVE YOU” My knees buckle “THEY LOVE YOU” I cant breath “THEY LOVE YOU!” I cant hear over the screaming “THEY LOVE YOU. THEY LOVE YOU. THEY LOVE YOU THEY LOVE YOU THEY LOVE YOU!”

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