I am tired of searching
tired of giving my heart
to doors that never open fully
I want a love with courage
a soul that dares
to stay
to grow
to walk with me
sampai kahwin
But what I find are echoes
half-ready hearts
ya da ya da excuses
companions only for boredom
never for forever
Sad, isn’t it
to want something real
and always be met
with almost
So I laugh
HAHAHAHHAHA
because what else can I do
when silence answers my hope
when absence feels louder than love
Please
have a purpose
in whatever you want in this life
do not give hope
when someone prays
for something true
Love is not a pastime
not a bandage for loneliness
not a shelter you abandon
once the rain has passed
Love is vow
Love is courage
Love is forever
And though I am so tired
I still carry this small flame
believing
somewhere
someone will be ready
not halfway
but whole
Sep 29, 2025
Sep 29, 2025 at 1:26 PM UTC
I’ll never love anybody the way I loved you
That version of me
soft blind and all in
is gone
But don’t mistake my healing for bitterness
You didn’t ruin me
You revealed me
That scar
It’s where I began again
Stronger
Sharper
Wiser
Not the same
Never again
I became someone even I didn’t expect
And I owe that to the pain
you left behind
Aug 12, 2025
Aug 12, 2025 at 12:20 PM UTC
I can’t face the night anymore
It claws at my skin
Too loud
Too bright
Too much
Rooms won’t stay still
Even silence feels like memory
You said love would save me
But I drowned anyway
I was sweet once
That version of me died
somewhere between
please stay
and your silence
Now I speak less
Feel less
Want less
Not healing
Just surviving
Relief is not love
Escape is not peace
I don’t chase ghosts anymore
Jul 31, 2025
Jul 31, 2025 at 11:58 AM UTC
I used to share everything
a laugh, a pain
a slice of cake
a song that hurt too much
But now
I live in whispers
no more loud echoes in stories
no more photos chasing validation
no more telling the world
look I’m okay
Feels like everyone moved on
wearing rings
building homes
and I’m still sitting
where I first started
that shame
it bites
I don’t say much these days
don’t show much either
just letting things be
quietly
This isn’t bitterness
this is peace
private
quiet
sacred
Don’t ask why I disappeared
just know
I finally chose
me
Jul 23, 2025
Jul 23, 2025 at 1:54 PM UTC
I gave you effort time and space
Held your heart like something fragile
You said it’s hard to open up
So I waited I understood
I never forced never rushed
Still I wasn’t enough
I asked what we are
You said just a friend
So I stayed quiet
Even when it hurt
Even when your silence
Felt louder than words
You never posted me
Never claimed me
Said you weren’t ready
And now
There he is
In your story
With a heart on his face
And kesayangan in the caption
It’s only been a month
You moved on
Like I was nothing
Blocked me like I didn’t matter
Then unblocked
Just to keep me hanging
You said it wasn’t easy to open your heart
But it looks easy now
So was I just the in-between
The maybe
The practice run
It breaks me
Because I was real
I was honest
And you were temporary
But I’ll carry this pain
Not to stay broken
But to remind myself
Next time
I’ll never beg to be chosen
Jul 13, 2025
Jul 13, 2025 at 1:11 PM UTC
I think I’m broken beyond repair.
Not in pieces you can pick up
but in the quiet places no one sees.
They say healing takes time,
but what if time has already passed me by?
What if the cracks run too deep,
the damage too permanent,
the light too far gone?
I try.
God knows, I try.
To stand, to smile,
to hold together what keeps slipping through.
Like shattered glass
held by nothing
but will.
They look at me
like I’m supposed to be whole by now.
Fixed.
Better.
But they don’t understand
this isn’t pain.
This is ruin.
And you can’t glue something
that’s been broken this many times.
I’m tired.
Of surviving.
Of pretending.
Of being the one left behind
while others step into forever.
I wish I knew when it would be my turn.
But I don’t.
And I don’t know how to live
as someone I no longer recognize.
Still,
somehow,
I’m here.
Not healed.
But here.
Jul 5, 2025
Jul 5, 2025 at 6:41 AM UTC
I never asked for forever
I just wanted to be seen
To hold a place in your light
Not be kept behind the screen
You never had to say it
I felt the leaving in your eyes
In the way I stayed a secret
While someone else got your sky
I told myself it was enough
The half-love, the waiting, the quiet
But silence turned into questions
And the answers just came in riots
I would’ve stayed, you know
Even when it hurt
Even when I felt like a shadow
Lost beneath your worth
But you didn’t choose me
And maybe you never did
You moved on like I was nothing
While I’m still learning how to live
Still, I won’t curse your name
I won’t beg you to stay
Even if it shattered me
I will love you
Either way
Jun 30, 2025
Jun 30, 2025 at 12:13 PM UTC
There was a time wasn’t there
When your laugh filled the quiet
When even silence felt soft because it belonged to us
Now all I hear is that space where you used to be
I walk past places we knew
The ghost of your voice clinging to the air
Every streetlight flicker feels like a reminder
Every sunset feels like it watched us fall apart
I thought I saw you yesterday
Or maybe I only wanted to
The world blurs
Because I’m still looking for your outline in the crowd
Is this what you wanted
To leave me tangled in what ifs
In a song that keeps playing
Even when you stopped listening
I’ve tried to forget
But forgetting you is like trying to unhear the waves
Or untaste the rain
It’s always been about you
And maybe it always will
Jun 19, 2025
Jun 19, 2025 at 2:23 PM UTC
they step into love,
into family, into forever,
while i stand still,
in the waiting room of life.
they ask me,
“when’s your turn?”
and i smile, but my heart whispers,
“i wish i knew.”
still holding on,
to a hope that feels like it’s slipping through my fingers,
yet somehow,
i can’t let it go
Jun 6, 2025
Jun 6, 2025 at 1:18 PM UTC
I’m not living anymore
I’m just here
Breathing
Existing
Waking up because I have to
Not because I want to
The truth is something inside me broke
And no one noticed
Not even the one I gave everything to
I used to believe in love
In building something real
But now I just watch life pass me by
People falling in love
Getting married
Starting families
And I’m still stuck
Left behind
Wondering what’s so wrong with me that I keep ending up alone
I wasn’t asking for perfect
Just to be seen
To be chosen
To be loved without having to beg for it
But now I don’t even feel human
Just a body moving through days that all feel the same
I laugh when I have to
Smile so no one asks questions
But deep down
I’m tired
Tired of pretending this doesn’t hurt
Tired of acting like I’m okay
I’m not
I’m just trying to survive a life that doesn’t feel like mine anymore
Jun 3, 2025
Jun 3, 2025 at 4:14 PM UTC