SPBlackwell
I am an idea to most, a muse to many, a lover , a mother, a sicko, a housewife, a fuck up, a bitch, a human, an alien, but all these these things are defined in one word, I am a Writer. / If I do not strike a nerve within you then I am not doing something right. I hope you feel uncomfortable.
Fossilized remains animated
to maintain the facade,
the matinee.
Babbling brooks are now
waterless dry.
Ignorance flows
stupidity thrives.
This is the brook where
life comes to die.
Carved through a forest
that was laden with pride.
There is only dark,
a lack of sunshine.
The flowers have wilted.
The birds all took flight.
This is the brook where
life comes to die.
There is nothing but moss left.
No crickets. No mice.
There once was a brook here
that created all life.
The rocks are all dry here,
they are covered in strife.
This is the brook
where things come to
die.
Sep 24, 2015
Sep 24, 2015 at 8:52 PM UTC
II
Do not be afraid, my darling
I see you.
I see your tattered spirit
and stripped flesh
wandering in darkness.
Alas!
we are kindred,
you and I,
for I too have been
murdered.
I have died a hundred times
and I have lived a
hundred and one
We, who are dead
but still breathing,
are kindred.
I have been poisoned by
the nectar of lust. And
this nectar was
sweet and it was
intoxicating and it was
addictive and it was
******** lust.
It was fed to me by
a man posing as
a god and he kept
my goblet full and
I was paralyzed.
He was not a god
nor a man.
He was a snake,
a false prophet.
The nectar was
venomous and
my blood,
my body, and
mind were
laced with
paralytic venom
I could not move
and died waiting.
Alas!
We are kindred
you and I.
We who have died
waiting and paralyzed.
We who have been
murdered by false
prophets and snakes.
We are kindred with
Eve and the apples of
Eden, we who are
poisoned but
still alive.
In this paralytic state
a surgeon came
and he said unto me
“I will let you be free”
and he cut into me.
He entered my chest
so delicately and
so eloquently he
whispered to me
“ Darling, if I cannot
keep you I can’t let
you be free.”
He wanted a
keepsake, a piece
of my heart.
Something which I
would never just
willingly part.
He took a small
piece though I
screamed to
his claim. This
was not my love,
just blood,
muscle, and veins.
Alas!
We are kindred
you and I.
We who walk around
with pieces that will
never be found.
We who have filled
the empty cavity with
other objects to
replace what can
never mended.
Do not fear, my darling
we are still pumping
blood and we
are still alive!
An artistic healer
found me wandering.
He said unto me,
“ My love, I see your
rough edges and you
are flawless to me
with all your perfect
imperfections.”
I was his canvas
that could be remade
to what he wanted
me to portray.
He molded me,
bent me,
folded me,
painted me.
He chiseled away
at places that
were already weak
places that were
untouched by people
like He. I was his
muse which he
misused, abused,
and attempted to
create and sculpt
art, which I was,
to his vision
of what I should be.
He coated me,
plastered me,
froze me in time but
paper machete is fragile
and I never asked to
be molded or painted.
Slowly I broke free
from thee. Death by
art was not meant
for me
Alas!
My darling,
do not be afraid.
We are kindred
you and I.
I see you in all
your molded glory
upon the altar
which he built
to display a creation
which he did not create.
I am the one
who chiseled
at the cement
and the plaster
and the paper
and the alter
so that we can
escape a different
type of cage.
I see you broken
but uncaged.
A builder of dreams
approached me and
he said unto me
“ You are a rarity
in a world full of
mediocrity. A rare
bird like you should
not be caged.”
He built me a castle
made of sand and
deafened me with
promises which
were lies. The tide
rolled in and castles
made of sand were
taken back to sea
and i was deaf
and I could not
hear the rumbling ,
the crumbling,
the mumbling as it
was all swept away.
I was asphyxiated by
the sand and sea
of empty promises
and lies
and expectations
that I found myself
chocking on.
Do not be afraid my darling.
Alas!
We are kindred
you and I.
We have
swallowed
and choked
and inhaled
the dirt which
posed as sand.
We who have been
drowned in lies.
We who have
been buried and
have touched the
ocean floor at great
depths have come back
to the surface.
Alas!
We are still swimming.
We are the ones who
saw the shore and
returned to land
with our feet firmly
planted on sinking sand
and unsteady ground.
Hush my darling, and do
keep our secret safe.
Hush and never let them
know that we, who are
dead but living, are the
ones who created the shore.
We have a multitude of
little deaths. Deaths which
showed us life, joy, and
pain.
Alas!
My darling,
we are kindred
you and I.
We are the masochists.
We invite the murders in.
We who see the axe in his
hand as he knocks and
yet we still allow the
murderous aftermath
to begin with no regard
for the clean up.
My darling, we take with
us a piece of our killers
as they have taken a
keepsake from us.
Alas!
My darling
we have taken
we have learned
we have observed
we have seen their
surgical precision as
they have taken us
apart. We have
mended and
stitched and
sewn and
glued and
filled and
repaired
ourselves.
Oh my darling
do not fear for
we who are
still alive
still fighting
still breathing
still living
still pumping blood,
we have taken
their murderous
intent. We who
were victimized
by batting eyes
and lies that left
bitterness as an
aftertaste have
have learned to
lace honey with
arsenic. We are
kindred, you and I.
We are different
now. The stichting
and filling
and sewing
and gluing
has changed
us.
We are not afraid,
my darlings.
We see you.
You who have
caged and
trampled and
opened and
taken and
broken and
killed are no
longer feared.
Be afraid
my darlings.
Alas!
We see you.
III
I am a serial killer.
I have ravaged
empty vessels
which once upon
a time were
filled with ideas
of what could be.
I am innocent!
I slay the murderers
who murdered me.
Those who murdered
we.
I and we have
perfected the craft
which you,
and you,
and you,
and you
have used as
weapons of
mass distraction,
mass destruction.
I am the one
who distracts
and destroys.
I have ingested
sufficient venom
to become
arsenic laced
honey.
I have let a
man drink
from me ‘til
he could drink
no more. He
drank himself
to insanity.
Oh dear!
I fear I did
not warn him
of the venom
that’s within.
What once was
just plain honey
is now
poisonous
to him.
I am a serial killer.
The killer of
cervical slayers.
But again
I am innocent!
I once sheltered
a wretch and
he sought
sanctuary
inside of me.
He never looked
at my eyes.
Only prayed at
the church that
he made betwixt
my thighs.
Oh dear!
I fear
I did not mention
that this was not
his church. It was
my sanctuary which
was now covered
in his dirt.
Death by exertion
was his end.
I let him die *******
but I did not let
him win
A tragic death
for a stallion
like he. Because
I am small he
underestimated me.
Like Helen of Troy
I brought
destruction
upon thee.
I am a serial killer.
The killer of
psychological
terrorizers and
verbal mesmerizers.
I have linguistically
lobotomized men
who thought they
could philosophize
the origin of I.
I have sown the
seeds of doubt
within the halls of
confidence which
have lain within his
mind.
I have broken
fortress walls
that were built to
withstand the
wrath that fell
upon *****
and Gomorrah.
We have cut out
the tongues of
our verbal
betrayers and
left them befuddled
in Babylon.
Oh dear!
I fear I forgot
to mention that
Freud is my Father
and Jung is my
uncle.
Your mommy issues
do nothing for me.
I am not her!
I am a child of
psychology.
Rationally you are
weaker than me
mentally.
I am a serial killer.
The killer of
egotistical thrillers.
I have paralyzed
and anesthetized
men who have been
thrice the size of me.
My scalpel is sharp
and my steady hand
cuts as deep as my
verbal violations.
This is my body.
This is not your nation.
My dissection was but
a brief vacation to
your annihilation.
Your internal organs
were similar to an
egotistical colonoscopy.
You thought your
insides were different
from me.
You required proof
that we were the
same.
I said
“Let me cut first”
and you did not
complain.
Oh dear!
I fear I failed
to mention I’m
quite skilled and
I have killed before,
far better men and
even their ******
I am a serial killer!
A killer of killers!
You are a cheap
thrill as I reap
and I sow.
I plant the seeds
that I know will
not grow.
You will stay frozen
and will get old.
I need not a keepsake.
I own your soul.
IV
We are naked.
Our flesh is worn
and our spirit torn.
The garments which
once kept us warm
are now just eaten
and tattered.
We have silently
walked
and waited
and paced ourselves
and learned hatred.
WE have come
back home where
board games and
Barbies wait.
I have broken
all my favorite toys
just like you
and you
and you
and the horse
you rode in on
have taken all
my simple joys.
You have all
taken away
a piece of pink
and replaced
with a piece of
grey. A piece
which will never
be the same.
Oh Darling!
Do not fear for me
do not fear for we.
We have become the
porcelain women
which watch
and wait.
Our pink colored
kingdom shall
never be invaded
because here we
are waiting.
Not even shoots
and ladders or even
the Madd Hatter
can lead you to
green pastures.
Oh my!
You failed to notice
the malicious
twinkle in
my eyes.
I fear this was
your fault
for you created
a steeple
betwixt my
thighs.
Silly rabbit,
we were never
yours.
I was always
mine.
This is
not revenge.
This is a warning
before the rhyme.
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 6:33 PM UTC
i can not even write this
because it will be anti
american
unpatriotic
and an
insult to
the land
of freedom
i was born in.
I can not even write this
because I am the first
generation
daughter
child
born in
the land
of freedom.
I can not write this
because my abuela
will tell me that I am
lebanese
cuban
and i was
born in
the land of
freedom.
i can not even write this
because my Tio
who came to
America
at the age of 6
and had “adjustment”
issues will remind me that
I
Am
American.
Tio will tell me that
I
am privileged.
because I was
born in the
land of freedom.
Abuela will remind me
that CUBA is
dead.
Abuie will remind me
to hush about all things
Arabic and Lebanese
because I am
American
born in the
land of freedom.
She reminds to hush
about the black
eyes
that see past
this land to the past
of other places
that whisper
my name.
They remind me
that I am
American and
not a communist
not a terrorist
not a girl who
hears her name
sung in the winds
of other lands
which i have not
wandered.
Abuela reminds me
to not yearn for
white sandy beaches
with waves that break
on a rock laiden wall.
Abuie reminds me
to ignore the need
for hot sand
beneath my feet
and wafting smell
of foreign spices
that are
unknown
to those born
in the land of freedom.
In the land of
freedom?
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 4:09 AM UTC
I get asked
"How do you write?"
"Why do you write?"
The answer is simple
I write because
I have to write
I can either
write or
throw myself
off of something.
I write.
You go to therapy.
I write because
someone
somewhere
connects with
these words I
put down.
**** that.
I write for
Me.
If I happen to
connect to the world
then great.
But I write.
My insanity is
my salvation.
I scratch at
the nerves of
repressed emotions.
I create to not destroy.
I am my salvation.
Then again,
My raw, eloquently
worded vulgarity
might be your
salvation as well.
If it is not
then let us all
rejoice in
Hell
knowing that
we built the
bridge of
sin ourselves.
And we crossed
it towards the
fire knowing
that the fire
belonged to
us.
We are all creators.
Yet some
were built to destroy
and smirk as the
world disintegrates
around us.
We built the fire.
We breath the ashes.
We bathe in the blood
Like i said,
**** it
I write for me
because if not
I shall ******
instead of ending
myself.
How narcissistic,
typical writer
hahahaha.
S.P. Blackwell
Jul 1, 2014
Jul 1, 2014 at 2:43 AM UTC
This isn't even a poem
these are a few words
a few lines
which in time
like most things
will fade.
All the sentences
and pronouns
and verbs
and periods
will fade.
Period.
These words
which were
written for you
and you
and you
were written
for me
They shall fade
just like the
bruises
and scars
and cuts
and bumps
which you
and you
and you
all left
but just like
you
these faded
too.
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 12:18 AM UTC
I am slowly drifting further from the unrealistic reality
that has been imposed on me by others.
The end was not cordial nor was it polite.
It was spattered with hate and rage
and malice and anger and loss but those are not mine.
The end for me was very matter of fact.
As if it never ended because it never started.
My end was casual highlighted with words like "k"
and corrections on his awful grammar and a nod
at my phone intended for him to see and the icy reply to a
one sided heated conversation that he was having with himself
because i never participated.
The tone of my indifference remains steady which is
what angers him most. I have been killed by far better men
than him. But they are cheap in a sense.
Cheap ***
Cheap words
Cheap rooms
Cheap emotions
Cheap lies
and even worse
Cheap truths.
And after all is said and done
Here you are in a sense getting
what you wanted.
A small piece of immortality in an
otherwise meaningless life.
But alas my dear, your name is not mentioned here.
And as I warned before,
You are just another line.
Another sentence which will be forgotten.
Sad isn't it?
Apr 14, 2014
Apr 14, 2014 at 4:23 PM UTC
I was torn away from my frigid, lonely, dark home.
She placed me in a fragile glass house.
I felt the warmth of her body caressing me.
Holding me.
Loving me.
She admired me.
Adoringly stared at me.
She appreciated my body.
She was drawn to my taste.
I am sweet yet bitter.
A constant reminder of a multitude of relationships past.
They too were as poisonous as I am;
Always sweet but bitter towards the end.
I left the same aftertaste of forgotten men.
We both slightly burned her throat.
We both made her act impulsively.
We both make her bend to our will.
And just like her past relationships,
I was entirely consumed by her.
From the moment her lips wrapped
around my transparent encasement
I knew that I would be less than
I was prior to our encounter.
I knew and yet I invited it.
I invited her.
I let her deplete me.
I welcomed her firm grasp
and her heated lips to
part and to consume me
like a rabid fire devouring
a forest that has long been dead.
I rippled in rebellion and yet
I let her take me in.
Now my fragile home is empty
with mere traces of my existence
left behind.
Droplets of crimson colored life
which once grew free.
Crimson life that aged.
That waited.
Crimson colored droplets which
now reside upon her lips.
Crimson which now resides
within her.
Within her my home is no longer fragile.
My home is now warm
and wanting
and waiting
to find a home as well.
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 11:56 PM UTC
I am the pole.
He is the ball.
She is the tether.
She is what binds us.
What keeps us together.
Feb 14, 2014
Feb 14, 2014 at 4:08 AM UTC
Blood pours out like like
a dormant volcano that
has suddenly awoken.
Molten earth has
finally found a route
of destruction.
A crevice from
which to seep.
An exit from which
to escape.
Fiery red lava.
The blood reminded
her of lava.
So dramatic in her thoughts.
Alas, it is but a paper cut.
Feb 14, 2014
Feb 14, 2014 at 4:06 AM UTC
She wakes up every day with a telescopic
sweater person staring at her face.
The smoke filled room is foggy and
reminiscent of a dreary London afternoon,
Sunlight slowly filters through a screenless
glass pane that lies behind the dusty wooden
panels that protect her from the blinding light.
The dust dances effortlessly through the streaks
of filtered sun as if they were a couple which
have danced this dance many times before.
With a heavy thump the whimsy of dancing
dust is taken away as the reality of chaos sets in.
In a flurry of blond hair and the ever present
feeling of fleeting time she reluctantly untangles
herself from the rainbow colored cloak that
protects her from the scowling faces that
await beyond the fortress door.
"Five more minutes." she whispered
to herself in an effort to remain within silence.
Entangled in her rainbow she threw her head
back upon her misshapen pillow chasing
the dream she will never be able to finish.
The pleasant ones that whisk her away
from telescopic sweater people
and scowling faces.
She rather dream of dancing dust.
Feb 14, 2014
Feb 14, 2014 at 3:25 AM UTC