The moment I walk out of my bedroom, I smell the unmistakable odor of alcohol. I could pick this smell out of a hundred other smells, this one would always stick out. It’s not only alcohol though. It’s the mix of a thousand cigarettes that have been put out in an empty beer bottle, and the vague savor of last night’s junk food. Probably pizza, but it could have been fries and I wouldn’t have known.
I’m trying to find a place on the kitchen counter where I can put my glass on. It takes some shoving dishes, but there it is, 4 inches of a dusted counter where I can pour myself a drink. I open the fridge, and try to find some juice in between the bottles of beer and cheap wine. Just as I’ve found the last bottle of apple juice, half empty and almost gone bad, daddy comes out of his bedroom. His hair stood up as if he was Johnny Bravo, and if only the resemblance stopped there… Daddy stumbles his way to the couch and lets himself fall onto it with a loud ‘thud’. ‘Good morning princess.’ he says. ‘Good morning daddy,’ I reply. ‘Did you sleep well? And how is your head, does it still hurt?’. But it was like talking to a wall, daddy was already snoring on the couch, radiating so much alcohol that I could have gotten drunk just from standing there.
I always thought it was a wonder that our couch hadn’t collapsed yet. It was old, and had so much creaks in the leather you’d think it was a pattern. In the middle there was a dent, right in the place where daddy falls asleep. He’s actually way too tall to be lying on a couch that small, but it’s all that fit in his little mobile home. Right across it was an old big tv, which was only used to check the 8 pm weather, and put on his favorite music dvd. There was also a kind of fancy chair, but most times my brother already claimed it. When you lean back, there appears this little thing where you can lay your feet on.
I knew this chair must has come with the mobile home itself, it’s a pretty expensive chair. But with this chair taken too, all I can do is get a chair from our little square dining table to enjoy my apple juice as a 2pm breakfast.
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 8:26 AM UTC
Is it possible, that maybe I am just off beat?
Somehow, I always seem to fall behind.
I always miss out on the good things, get stuck in the bad things.
People always say; '' You know, a while ago I actually liked you. Not anymore tho. "
They tell me ; " At first I really wanted to friends with you, but things happened and I decided not to."
Without even knowing, people consider me. And shove me away right at the moment I am aware of it.
How am I supposed to feel confident, when people only tell me how they feel after the real feelings are already gone?
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 4:47 AM UTC
YOU are what my mind is craving.
YOU are not what my body wants.
YOU are what makes my heart flutter.
YOU are making my feelings go WOOSH
but
I am not what you need right now.
I am not even close to crossing your mind.
I am not the one to save you.
I am not what'll make your heart go WOOSH
So as long as YOU and I are no WE.
What is the point of us then?
Jun 9, 2016
Jun 9, 2016 at 3:21 PM UTC
how did it become that she was sad,
for his ache.
how did her legs move for his,
and her feet tremble.
just like her lightweighted heart,
whom felt heavy in her chest.
but like a feather stroking his.
how did she become his,
and just him too.
not even a person anymore,
just a vessel.
his vessel.
his mind.
over 2 bodies.
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 5:12 PM UTC
many years ago, we met two of them.
they were very much alike, but not enough.
you said they'd change along.
but they did not, and you did.
got me stuck between them.
until we were very much alike, but not enough.
you said we'd change along.
but we did not.
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 5:03 PM UTC
my heart can't handle it.
my mind can't carry it.
my body can't survive it.
whilst,
his promises won't make it.
his words won't do it.
his feelings won't BE it.
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 5:00 PM UTC
I wanna go home, but home walked away on 2 legs and blue Nikes.
I wanna go sleep, but now that I'm alone I don't know how
I wanna be warm, but warmth flew away, leaving me frozen
I wanna be safe, but the only one who gave me that, came right back at me making me feel hurt all over again.
I wanna go home I say, while laying in my bed. When even home doesn't feel like home anymore, where do I go to sleep? Where do I go to feel warm and safe?
May 23, 2016
May 23, 2016 at 2:58 PM UTC
Honestly, I am so sick of asking.
So tired of beginning.
Just for once, it'd be nice if things came to me instead of me having to run after them.
These people whom I only talk to if I try real hard.
Those friends that only want me if I do things for them.
Those grades that drop no matter my effort.
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 10:04 AM UTC
Well that's okay! Don't bother anwsering me.
I'm just one of them all right?
Just don't you dare come to me, all seriously and full of 'regret', and then the hour after do the same things all over again.
You've lost me, and you better like the feeling of living without me. Otherwise you'd be forced to actually care.
How awful would that be right?
May 14, 2016
May 14, 2016 at 11:47 AM UTC
I have been patient with you. I have been kind and forgiving with you. But do you care? No! All you do is whine about having nobody that cares.
And I will guarantee you if you keep going down this road, you will soon turn around and find nobody behind.
Especially not me. Because **** boy, you are good at pulling people in, and pushing them away as soon as they care.
But don't bother pushing me away, I'll save you the effort and leave all by myself.
May 14, 2016
May 14, 2016 at 11:41 AM UTC