You sat there waiting for me in the dingy cafe,
You had pills hidden in your purse,
I should have smelled the tainted smoke in your breath,
This is all it's actually worth.
My time I spend, each day I try
To fix up this messed up life,
While the pain never subsides.
I was waiting for you at one time,
I had believed in your sense of direction,
Your understanding and convictions,
All failed with but simple inspection.
My life I lead, this whine and your greed,
Pain in my heart with how you speak
Like you're the only one I ever truly need.
In the end I was looking for someone else,
They were lovely, beautiful and smart,
Kind to animals and fighting for causes.
You know why I stopped waiting on you?
Because that isn't the least bit of what you are...
Jan 24, 2017
Jan 24, 2017 at 11:05 AM UTC
May Christ bless you today and touch your heart like never before. love you all in Christ.
Apr 5, 2016
Apr 5, 2016 at 8:36 AM UTC
Take a deep breath,
see the pain was just a catch.
This ship has yet to sail,
so just exhale.
You might think your heart’s mangled,
your throat’s so raw from screaming, it’s like you’ve been strangled.
Fists clenched,
hair drenched,
mascara so far down your cheeks
it appears in muddled black streaks.
See you put your heart in the palm of his hands
thinking to yourself, “the rest of the world be ******
so sure taking care of it was what he planned.
Two feet in,
love rolled out, seeking you like a bowling ball and you the pin.
You never stood a chance,
this love was a “Bad Romance”
but that song didn’t forewarn
that there was nothing like his scorn.
You wanted his ugly parts, but not this
for it was seeping into your every shared kiss.
But, take solace in this,
the fact that you’ll experience a bigger, real kind of bliss.
This pain will fade,
you’ll meet someone who doesn’t use his words as a blade.
These wounds will heal,
and you’ll start to feel
new things; a new start
in this book of life, you’ll realize this hurt was just a small part.
Next time, a man’s fists won’t hurt, they’ll mend.
His words won’t aim to tear you down, but for you they’ll defend.
Your hair will be drenched, not from a fight in the rain, but from a shower shared.
Your mascara will be spared.
Your heart will stay steadily beating,
for this time his love won’t be fleeting.
It’ll be with him, that ship will sail
and hand in hand you’ll both prevail.
So take a deep breath; exhale.
Use this knowledge to your avail.
Stop making excuses
for these healing and newly formed bruises.
Stop fighting him, and start fighting for YOU
it’s time for your beautiful beginning; for you to start anew.
Leave the hurt and the heavy weight on your shoulders behind
for even though this is only a poem you’ll find
that you now understand,
the risk that’s at hand.
Realize what you deserve,
show him that he’s not someone you serve.
Know your worth,
and know you’ve been destined for so much more than this since birth.
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 9:00 PM UTC
I was nervous and shy during our first meet,
but your zeal for fun set my nerves at peace.
We played dress-up; wearing heels bigger than our feet.
Rouge lipstick smudged all over our two front teeth.
We danced and twirled to the music’s funky beats;
as the moon crept- many secrets were released.
The sun awoke; a new day I was eager to see.
I waited to see what fun you had for me,
but you and your new friend played- not thinking in “we”.
I wore a smile, but my heart was in disbelief.
I was losing my friend with no way to compete;
while I gather dust in my dollhouse pink suite.
I knew as a doll sadness and neglect were always meant to be,
yet I hoped that this friendship would be everlasting and unique.
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 8:37 PM UTC
Remove
Recover
Resolve
Replace
Relocate
Relapse
Rebound
Recycle
Rewind
Rewire
Relearn
Refund
Rekindle
Resound
Respond
Renegade
Relax
Rinse
Repeat.
Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 4:28 PM UTC
*Some days I won't have any words
But on days like these
It seems I have to many
I cannot even say them
For is not silence
Better than a storm
A storm I fear
For it I cannot weather
The flashbacks
And the tears
And these nights
Made of fears
So I will leave you
To do what you wish
With my heart
My mind
And my body
But you do not even
Come close
I cannot feel
Your heart beating
So I must question
If it is even there
But it is okay
I will close my eyes
And return to my world
Where I think
I am a mermaid
Or a unicorn
Sometimes a dragon
Or a fairy
Depending on the day
Either way
I will not
Have to worry
About boys
Or shoes or makeup
Or what to say
For I run free
Or swim
Somedays I can fly
Always I sing
But never alone
It would seem to me
The curtain fell
Before we even began
Our duet
I think
In my heart
That is a waste
Not of talent of gift
But of love and time
For I will always question
Yes
Was it?
A waste?
Of my time
I think not
But yet
I cannot help but wonder
If dreams do fade
Into the horizon
Because the sun
Is shining down
And as awake as I am
And as dead as I feel
I do not even know
The difference between
Alive
And unreal
These visions I create
They are not monsters
Nor are they friend
They simply exist
To help me along
These guides in my mind
Show me the way
For if
I stay
In one place
For to long
So many things
Will start to go wrong
And stuff I do
And stuff I say
Always seem to get in the way
You rocked the boat
And I fell over
And the waves claimed me
It was a chance
It was a dive
And I never thought
Dying
Could make me feel
So alive
But my vision is clouded
My judgement is poor
And all I hear
Is a knock at the door
You call me out
On everything that I am
And I cannot find the strength to stand
You were my crutch
Lifting me enough
But on my own
I am not nearly enough
I am wet and tired
Cold and afraid
And I am alone
In the darkest glade
I think in the dark
That I am an elf
But I took those feelings
And put them on a shelf
They do not belong
Inside of me
I do not need them
Oh let me be!
Alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Singular
And monotone
It is enough
To breathe in air
Even if
You never care
Emotions I hide
In visions so red
And keep them there
Inside of my head
They are strung up
Like Christmas lights
And they give me comfort
In the night
These green walls
They bleed so fast
And all to quickly
Then they pass
I lay here
Upon the floor
The carpet smells of vanilla
I sit here
In this room
My mind all a mess
And I dance in my head
And cry in my heart
And wonder where
It all went wrong
I cannot go back
Afraid to look ahead
And so I lay here
With my hand on my head
And I whisper promises
I cannot hold
But still I cling to them
As if they were gold
I will walk
The streets at night
And look to the moon
For a source of light
And as I raise
My tears to the expanse
I wonder if
This is my chance
I could soar
On wings of skin
And never feel
To fat or to thin
I could feel the wind
As it kissed my face
I would know
This was my place
But no,
It is not to be
I sit here
And start to bleed
As long as this marker
Stains me red
I will return
To your bed
I will crawl
Into your arms
Though you don't love
The girl who self harms
There are a few
Who have seen
The soul that was forged
But many yet
Who walk on by
And they will never learn
What it is
To see ice and fire
As they steam
Higher and higher
To fill the sky
With her love
So it reaches
Much further above
This world could not contain
All her love and all her pain
She never slept inside her mind
It was just a mask
That she hid behind
She says 'Goodnight'
And she whispers 'Goodbye'
And it is sad
That she might die
But still she clings to slivers
Of stabbing hope
A chance for a 'better'
A chance to cope
On a wire I stand
I might yet fall
In the noise I listen
And I hear you call
My name.
And the way you say it
Like a prayer
When my skin is asleep
And my heart is awake
And I wonder
How much more can I take?
So I crawl
Into my cage
To hide myself
From mine own rage
And I kiss my hands
And all their scars
I wonder a little
If I took it to far
So I breathe in
And let you out
Of my heart
It was not your place
Nor was it mine
It was not
The right time
I place my hand
Upon your cheek
And ask you
If in your memory
I could sleep?*
Mar 8, 2016
Mar 8, 2016 at 8:06 PM UTC
*I swear if you ever left
I would care
If you died
I might not know you
But I have felt your pain
I would care
If you gave up
I would understand
And I would also cry
For I was not able
To give you my strength
So you could keep on breathing
I would
I swear
I would
I will
Always care <3*
Mar 7, 2016
Mar 7, 2016 at 10:36 PM UTC