I long so despitely for my independence!
I long for the day I no longer have to ask for favors, financial support, EVERYTHING!
Nothing kills my soul more then having to depend on someone else.
Having to ask for permission from someone else.
Having to wait for someone else.
When will this process end??
The process of getting on your feet and manifesting into the person you see in your dreams.
I JUST WANT TO BE THE WOMEN I SEE IN MY DREAMS!
WHEN WILL SHE BE?
Jan 29, 2019
Jan 29, 2019 at 4:47 PM UTC
To my next one i apoligize for all the pain i may cause,
For your heart i may destroy,
For your feelings i may hurt and may not even adore.
U just gotta kno theres this pain deep inside, one i cant endure.
So when i hurt you im sorry, i know ive apoligized before.
But this pain you must endure so i can be sure that ur not like the rest, like i said im sorry...i am.
Apr 5, 2015
Apr 5, 2015 at 9:15 PM UTC
Ive been so used to the storms,
To the rain, and thunder, the hail and sorrow, it is all to familar to me.
Ive been so used to the storms,
That when its sunny out, its queer to me.
I am so used to the storms,
That ive allowed most happy moments slip away from me.
My intuition screams that a storm coming, but i dont think i can survive it this time.
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 7:04 AM UTC
worth me walking at 11:30 at night to be with you come midnight just to be the first to tell you happy birthday.
worth the throbbing I feel between my legs when you hold me, pressing yourself against me so I can't think of anything else but this throbbing.
worth early mornings spent watching you sleep. Feeling you feel my back dimples, as if your hands are fully conscious even during your slumber. Pulling me in closer until our legs are completely intertwined and I have no choice but to give in to you.
You're worth me giving in to you.
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 7:05 AM UTC
He won't tell you he loves you. He will not look at you like you're the universe or the sun or even the smallest star in the sky. He will not show up at your doorstep at two a.m. and he won't give up his seat for you and he won't make you mix tapes. But he will stay up talking to you, making you laugh and sigh when you're almost falling asleep. He will be thousands of miles away, but whenever you feel like your lungs are filling up with smoke and you forget how to breathe and your hands get sweaty, you'll think of him and feel okay again. You'll write poems about him that he will never read and he'll listen to your favorite band and tell you how much he hates their music. He'll show you new songs to listen to and you'll love all of them. A baby bird will die in your hands and you'll never stop thinking about it. This is how he will leave you. Two years later you'll still love him even when you're no longer lonely. You'll dream about his eyes and you'll find it hard to understand how he left before he was ever really yours to hold. You'll be okay without him but you won't be happy, and that little bird won't ever leave your mind. He'll never leave your mind. He probably won't think of you because he has someone new he can hold. Someone with brighter eyes and a wider smile and whenever she asks about you, he'll smile but he will only say, "all I remember is how much she loved this really ****** band."
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 6:59 AM UTC
The love i have for him is so unspeakable,
Its so special,
So heartfelt,
So warm...but **** loving him is killing me.
When im with him everything is so right, perfect and in place,
But as soon as we part everything shatters.
My mind has this habit of thinking anytime he is not with me he is with someone else.
After all he did cheat right.
How can i train my mind to think how it used to.
To not think that every other moment he is entertaing someone else.
I didnt know his mistakes from the past would affect me so much.
I didnt know it could hurt this bad.
This feeling of uncertainty aches like no other.
Im in love with someone who has bad habits, and it scares me but i cant let go.
I thought love meant hanging in there until things get better.
I thought it was two imperfect people who even though had flaws saw the best in each other.
Thats why i hold on because i see the better side of him...
But how long can i keep holding on...im scared.
I cant deal with anymore heartbreak.
Ive felt enough
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 6:24 AM UTC
My mind is starting to drift again,
To memeories unwanted,
To feelings of uncertainty.
My mind is starting to drift again,
To this place of torment,
Somewhere i thought a few days apart would somewhat heal.
But here i am dwelling in this uncertainty, this unknowing sense.
I thought a few days apart would heal me.
But my mind is starting to drift again,
And i realize this is something that cant be healed in a few days.
This **** is something much deeper.
I miss my free mind.
I miss my happy thoughts.
I miss the feeling of security.
I miss the old me.
I just want to be free again!
But how can i be free with something i cant let go.
I JUST CANT ******* LET GO!!
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 8:34 PM UTC
I look in the mirror.
I don’t appear.
This girls eyes are stained red.
Her hair, a rat’s nest.
Her cheeks are red.
Pale skin.
I try to think.
My mind doesn’t pop up.
I swim through my head trying to find it,
But the smoke gets in the way.
I see nothing real.
Nothing matters, will matter, or ever has mattered
In this haze of mine.
The only concern
Is how many giggles I can release
Per minute.
I have goose bumps,
My feelings are nonexistent.
I’m walking through a dream.
I don’t have to dwell on sadness,
I can release myself into a different kind of wild.
The kind I control.
In my head.
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 8:20 PM UTC
It is not without great vanity that a man loves a woman. She sits hours upon days, sunsets upon moons, waiting to be missed. He is inconsistent with his efforts, and as her love swells, he retreats back to the mannerisms that exemplify why women want what they can never have. He looks in the mirror feeling so lucky to live in his skin, so lucky to be so loved, while she looks in the mirror wondering what it is about her that does not intrigue him enough to fully commit to a heart as fully committed as her own. He knows his power, he wears it well.
It is with great vanity a man is loved.
Aug 27, 2014
Aug 27, 2014 at 10:00 PM UTC
Maybe deep down she'll always be that girl that wants what she can't fully have.
Loving people that'll never know how to love her, really love her.
And a few times she'll realize her worth but then she gets consumed in this futuristic land of fomo.
fear of missing out
That wide range between reality and what if.
Reality existing in hands other than her own.
What if being behind those closed doors that make reality worthwhile.
Fearful of abandoning reality because there's that small chance that what if comes through.
Fear of missing out.
On you.
Aug 27, 2014
Aug 27, 2014 at 9:46 PM UTC