I keep spinning and spinning
and just waiting to crash;
always fried up and dried up
one day my body will turn to ash.
I run on nothing --
in me the sound of emptiness ticks.
Like a clock without parts
I feel damaged, I feel sick.
I keep moving, keep workin
but feel nothing anymore,
Like a clock without parts
I am numb at the core.
No changing, no stopping
No relieving this pain
I am empty, I am alone
And going insane.
Nov 14, 2019
Nov 14, 2019 at 8:31 PM UTC
Some days, I am simply encapsulated by nature.
The tree’s vivid green branches
And the etched pinecones lay fallen near.
The brisk, sharp wind fills up my lungs
As if I’m breathing in a new life,
To remind me that beauty is alive.
Other days, I am targeted by emptiness,
And my head rings with an overwhelming numbness.
The dryness of my skin threating to chip away
The only thing of depression keeping my gravity down
And I feel like giving it all up.
But I will fight for those “some days.”
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 11:20 PM UTC
The most bittersweet thing I’ve gotten from life is that I understand my worth, yet I still want to die.
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 12:30 PM UTC
Drowning in the Memories
Of sadness and pain,
Growth and progress sprout up
Intertwining with beauty.
I cast off the thunder cloud
And finally take a deep breath in and — air.
The rain dissipates simultaneously with my addictions,
Oxygen floods my veins
And I am awake, I feel alive.
Jun 28, 2018
Jun 28, 2018 at 8:12 PM UTC
I feel drained, empty on gas.
There is no more adrenaline in me
To push the pedal forward,
To feel the surge of energy in my veins
As my speed rises up, up the odometer.
I am coasting,
Stuck at thirty-five miles per hour,
Flattening my foot down
In an attempt to feel a rush,
Yet remaining the same as before
At thirty-five miles per hour.
Should I turn to the nearest guardrail?
Stop completely and give up?
I am afraid they will revive me,
And I will continue on
At thirty-five miles per hour.
Now stuck knowing,
That there is nothing I can do
To change my course.
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 9:32 PM UTC
I curl your jacket around my face,
In an attempt to somehow bring you closer to me.
The colored threads interwoven,
Black and white never looked so good.
I long for your arms around me,
Your voice within me,
Your breath on me,
Skin on skin.
Yet here I am, stuck
Inside your jacket,
Feeling empty
Without your love.
Mar 7, 2018
Mar 7, 2018 at 12:49 PM UTC
You struck me down
I brought you up
You broke my heart
You stupid ****
My ****** body
Lay by your side
A knife in hand
You laugh with pride
On my hands and knees
I crawl back to you
With bleeding wrists
I whisper, "I love you too"
There's no way out
Of this hell I'm in
Slaughter me now
Consume my sin
You didn't care
About me now or then
So I'm done with you
I won't come back again.
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 1:23 PM UTC
Imbedded not only on my skin but on my mind
Intertwined with the beating of my heart
Salty tears fall onto these wrists
Not melancholy because of what I've done
But rather what I've left
He says my body is temple
And I destroyed this church
Forever in debt to my own skin
Forgiveness encapsules healing but not physically
I am stained,
Inked,
I will never have clean skin.
Jan 19, 2018
Jan 19, 2018 at 8:54 AM UTC
Sitting patiently on the edge,
Heart pounding and stomach knotted,
I prepare to take the plunge.
My conscious warding me away,
The depression shoving me towards.
My palms smell of sweat
And body of untaken showers.
Gripping my pack and lighter,
I walk into the room with overlapping chatter
And head straight for the *****
With shaking arms and swelled eyes,
I take a sip of future regret.
Jan 15, 2018
Jan 15, 2018 at 10:32 PM UTC