The little girl inside of me was feeling so small. She was aching badly, her heart was going to burst out and so was mine.
She ached for both of us, and I, I ached for her. I ached for my skin, for My pores and the discolorations on my face, I ached for my hair, ached for my split ends damaged by time and negligence, I ached for my nails, too big too hard too yellow too something, I ached for my fat, ached for my stretch marks I ached for my love handles, muffin top, little pouch on my not so flat stomach or any extra something that might not always be considered nice , I ached for my fingers, I ached for my thighs, I ached for my teeth, I ached for my nose, I ached for my forehead and my hairline that was too uneven too messy too something. I ached so badly for the barely audible voice of the little girl inside of me when she was trying to cheer me up this morning, whispering that I can do it, that I should do it I should care for myself. I should take a bath put a face mask on brush my hair and be gentle!! “You’re doing this because you love yourself, you want to take care of it” she’d whisper. I ache for her and how she’s slowly getting smaller now, soon she’ll fade and I’ll be left with no one to help me wake up in the morning. I’ll ache for my heart, who’s had more than enough pain but still receives more punches, my heart will ache for itself it will ache for the both of us as it sees me wilting away as I mourn the little girl that was once the voice of hope in me. I ache for my aching and for the fact that I don’t know how long I can fight before I fade away too.
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 5:44 PM UTC
Are you your type of person?
Do you admire the way you see things?
Has pain smudged your brain
and inked blackness
that seeped in the holes of
the remnants of your soul
or are you still able to think?
Is your heart still yours to feel whatever you please?
to love and hate and never cease to see
the light at the end of the tunnel
at the end of a long dreary road
to find color in a black and white world?
or has the severity of it all made it bleed
blinded it and left nothing but a travesty?
Are you still a person?
After all that you’ve endured
Is your mind still able to find
spots of light to shine
on the darkest depths of you?
or did your fire die long ago
accompanying the innocence that abandoned you with your childhood?
Do you still have your mind?
or did your thoughts become nothing but replications
of what others seem to do?
did the world get to you?
Do you remember who you were before?
when you were yours
or are you too scared to think on your own?
Jan 3, 2018
Jan 3, 2018 at 10:04 AM UTC
We’re only flesh and bone
So why do you feel like an ethereal creature made of my favorite things molded into one?
Dec 23, 2017
Dec 23, 2017 at 3:26 PM UTC
I don't stand a chance in this chaotic world
Without your soothing voice I know I'll crumble
I want to feel small in your lap and just curl
While your whispers silence the hateful mumbles
I need you to stay and dizzy me with kisses
Distract me from this cruel judmental life
And the way I die everytime I hear the hisses
And the words that cut like knife
Take me, make me yours consume me
Pull me close don't allow me to even dwell
Let's create a world just for us let us be
Free for once from this living hell
Aug 10, 2017
Aug 10, 2017 at 6:11 PM UTC
I'm a warrior
But not like any other
The enemy isn't other people
It's in my head
I fight and strive
In hopes that I'll survive
The storms of hatred
Towards me from within me
It's a self-made war
Within my mind
Within my soul
I'm a warrior and I hope I won't lose this war
Aug 5, 2017
Aug 5, 2017 at 10:02 AM UTC
Your honey lips
Are still sweet
Even after the spills
Of bitter lies in discreet
My foolish heart
Still melts
Still considers you as art
After all the pain it felt
You have me wrapped
Around your oh so lovely finger
Even after all that happened
And all those lying whispers
I love you too much
To let you think
that I can live without your touch
Without us having a link
I'm in so deep
But please don't break me again
Try for us and let us keep
What we have despite all the pain
Your honey lips are for me
even after all that mayhem
No matter what lies they speak
I still crave to kiss them
Jul 28, 2017
Jul 28, 2017 at 4:43 PM UTC
I'm always the one to blame
In a mess and confusion
And all I do is just aim
To get there closer
In that place of yours
It shouldn't be this way
I'm not supposed to ask
You'd have to want me night and day
I shouldn't have to talk
But you keep pushing me away
Doing the exact opposite of what I please
Of what you want
Was it all just lies?
I know you're true
Maybe it's just that life's a bit dull
But your mind is a rainbow
You just don't let it shine
But again it's just my fault
I'm always the one to blame
I never work hard enough
And then I sit alone with guilt
Eating me alive with every word
You whisper or text
It's all the same
Empty words in an empty world
And I'm always the one to blame
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 6:46 PM UTC
Dear depression
I'm writing to let you know
That I don't have anything else to give
You took away all my hope
What more do you want of me
The few breaths that I take?
They're not even for me I swear
I just don't want them to break
The ones who still care about me
Somehow you weren't able to push them away
I guess they're stronger than I'll ever be
But I don't want you to make them ache
Hurt me bruise me take my soul
But let my body here
For them , not me , I'm miserable at my best
But I can't let them live in fear
Dear depression
Please subside
We can live together
Just don't make me die
Jul 23, 2017
Jul 23, 2017 at 6:04 AM UTC
You're mine
Therefore I'm fighting for you
If you let go
I won't keep my hand for you to hold
Just as I want you you might want someone else
You were mine
I love you as much as to let you go
And everything else just pales
Next to anything about you
So please let me know
are you like me or do you want her
I'd understand I won't imprison you
You aren't mine anymore
Please just tell me where to go from here and set me free
Make it known that for us there is no future
Set us both free
be mine again or let me be
Jul 22, 2017
Jul 22, 2017 at 4:41 PM UTC
I'm in a world of darkness
Where everything is dim
All is black
Everything but him
He's the colour to my life
How sad that he doesn't know
That in this world of madness
He's my last piece of hope
Jul 22, 2017
Jul 22, 2017 at 4:20 PM UTC