Peach - Hello Poetry

It began 8 years ago, But I believed I couldn’t Since I was told I was too Young or I didn’t Understand what it truly Meant I found solace in a different way- A dangerous way that only provided The temporary feeling of Something other then just - nothing. I battled myself daily, wanting Nothing more then to vanish into another life Easily, another life could’ve been better. I wouldn’t lay there staring at the ceiling or physically causing harm just to feel something - As I grew older The less I dreamt of a new life and allowed the dreams of making mine better And as time went on Things did seem to get better. I cleansed my space of the physical and negative attractions That I’ve accepted as a lifestyle. I started accepting new people into my life Even though I knew they’d drift away in time. Then I became an adult, And this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve been floating through the days In a haze and I need a ******* Change. I understand now more Then ever and On a much more personal level. But, it’s been 8 years- Four years since it’s ended And an hour since I’ve had An old thought Of allowing myself to Repeat history. But as I think of it, I have been Just in a different way.

0

Feb 22, 2022

Feb 22, 2022 at 4:20 AM UTC

3 A.M

It began 8 years ago, But I believed I couldn’t Since I was told I was too Young or I didn’t Understand what it truly Meant I found solace in a different way- A dangerous way that only provided The temporary feeling of Something other then just - nothing. I battled myself daily, wanting Nothing more then to vanish into another life Easily, another life could’ve been better. I wouldn’t lay there staring at the ceiling or physically causing harm just to feel something - As I grew older The less I dreamt of a new life and allowed the dreams of making mine better And as time went on Things did seem to get better. I cleansed my space of the physical and negative attractions That I’ve accepted as a lifestyle. I started accepting new people into my life Even though I knew they’d drift away in time. Then I became an adult, And this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve been floating through the days In a haze and I need a ******* Change. I understand now more Then ever and On a much more personal level. But, it’s been 8 years- Four years since it’s ended And an hour since I’ve had An old thought Of allowing myself to Repeat history. But as I think of it, I have been Just in a different way.

54

Oh dear Lucifer, There's a perfect ******* soul For you to take.

0

Apr 4, 2017

Apr 4, 2017 at 11:33 PM UTC

Untitled

Oh dear Lucifer, There's a perfect ******* soul For you to take.

3

Right when she betters herself she falls sickening with the blade of a razor clenched in her hands Holding onto that piece of metal As if her life depended on it.

0

Oct 10, 2015

Oct 10, 2015 at 1:54 AM UTC

Relapse

Right when she betters herself she falls sickening with the blade of a razor clenched in her hands Holding onto that piece of metal As if her life depended on it.

4

Look ahead, not at your past.

0

Aug 14, 2015

Aug 14, 2015 at 6:36 PM UTC

Six words

Look ahead, not at your past.

1

When I look into the mirror I see a girl- A girl who hides behind her skin I see a girl- A girl with a look in her eyes A look of regret A look of sorrow A look of a painful experience I see what you've made me to be I am a victim of yours I am the girl they talk about I am your victim I am the girl you damaged I am your victim You're ******* victim - When I look into the mirror I see nobody I feel nobody I hear nobody When I look into the mirror I see the fear blazing into my eyes I feel the masculine of your hands beaming down on me I hear your muffled groans and audible grunts I am what you've made me to be ----- I had a life I planned a future I wanted love I wanted a husband I wanted children - I wanted so **** much but- I want you, I want you dead Buried six feet plus in the **** soiled ground I want you gone Banished to hell! ---- When I look into the mirror I see the outcome of my most horrid nightmare I feel the bile rising in my throat because you never fail to make me sick- I fear you I hate you I ******* HATE YOU But you're the only one I can think about. --- I was raised I was loved I loved too But you took that from me You took so much from me Confidence, you took from me Bluntness, you took from me Pride, you took from me I believed in myself I had faith in myself But you took that from me ----- I see you, Often enough On the streets, selling dope Riding around, lookin for ****** In my dreams, ****** me again! You destroyed me, you took my womanhood away You did this to me! - LOOK AT ME! - I can't walk outside alone because of you I avoid alleys because of you I hide behind tinted sunglasses hoping and praying I don't run into you -- You changed my life in more ways than you can imagine I am not the same person I used to be I am not the same person I was last year I am not the same person who completed high school I'm not same person who politely introduced myself to you I am not the same person my parents knew me as I- I-... I am nobody -- All because you took myself from me.

0

Aug 11, 2015

Aug 11, 2015 at 7:28 PM UTC

The wolf

When I look into the mirror I see a girl- A girl who hides behind her skin I see a girl- A girl with a look in her eyes A look of regret A look of sorrow A look of a painful experience I see what you've made me to be I am a victim of yours I am the girl they talk about I am your victim I am the girl you damaged I am your victim You're ******* victim - When I look into the mirror I see nobody I feel nobody I hear nobody When I look into the mirror I see the fear blazing into my eyes I feel the masculine of your hands beaming down on me I hear your muffled groans and audible grunts I am what you've made me to be ----- I had a life I planned a future I wanted love I wanted a husband I wanted children - I wanted so **** much but- I want you, I want you dead Buried six feet plus in the **** soiled ground I want you gone Banished to hell! ---- When I look into the mirror I see the outcome of my most horrid nightmare I feel the bile rising in my throat because you never fail to make me sick- I fear you I hate you I ******* HATE YOU But you're the only one I can think about. --- I was raised I was loved I loved too But you took that from me You took so much from me Confidence, you took from me Bluntness, you took from me Pride, you took from me I believed in myself I had faith in myself But you took that from me ----- I see you, Often enough On the streets, selling dope Riding around, lookin for ****** In my dreams, ****** me again! You destroyed me, you took my womanhood away You did this to me! - LOOK AT ME! - I can't walk outside alone because of you I avoid alleys because of you I hide behind tinted sunglasses hoping and praying I don't run into you -- You changed my life in more ways than you can imagine I am not the same person I used to be I am not the same person I was last year I am not the same person who completed high school I'm not same person who politely introduced myself to you I am not the same person my parents knew me as I- I-... I am nobody -- All because you took myself from me.

81

I can hear the dryness of the tobacco burn Thousands of chemicals burning for my desire I can feel the burn of the nicotine gushing into my lungs. Thousands of chemicals leaving traces throughout my organs I can smell the bitterness of the smoke exhaling into the air. Thousands of chemicals surrounding me I can sense the damage being done to my body Thousands of chemicals killing me I can see the dangerous chemicals of the smoke filling the air Thousands of chemicals polluting the space I can feel the cravings executing my need. Thousands of chemicals made to fix me ------- I can hear the pulse in my head Throbbing in the frontal lobe of my brain I can feel the blood fighting the nicotine Steadily rushing at an unsteady pace throughout my veins I can smell the evidence on my skin Reminding me of the chemical I am letting ruin my body I can sense my rapid heart beat Pumping my blood faster and faster until the foreign invader leaves I can see the regret surfacing the space I currently am occupying Making this one my last I can feel the effect of my decision invading my body My chemically invaded body

0

Aug 8, 2015

Aug 8, 2015 at 4:25 PM UTC

Chemically Invasive

I can hear the dryness of the tobacco burn Thousands of chemicals burning for my desire I can feel the burn of the nicotine gushing into my lungs. Thousands of chemicals leaving traces throughout my organs I can smell the bitterness of the smoke exhaling into the air. Thousands of chemicals surrounding me I can sense the damage being done to my body Thousands of chemicals killing me I can see the dangerous chemicals of the smoke filling the air Thousands of chemicals polluting the space I can feel the cravings executing my need. Thousands of chemicals made to fix me ------- I can hear the pulse in my head Throbbing in the frontal lobe of my brain I can feel the blood fighting the nicotine Steadily rushing at an unsteady pace throughout my veins I can smell the evidence on my skin Reminding me of the chemical I am letting ruin my body I can sense my rapid heart beat Pumping my blood faster and faster until the foreign invader leaves I can see the regret surfacing the space I currently am occupying Making this one my last I can feel the effect of my decision invading my body My chemically invaded body

25

And your pain? Unbearable Your thoughts? Uncontrollable What about your actions? Unthinkable And your expressions? On paper, On a canvas Are you an artist? If you want to call it that How about depression? Minimal Close relationships? A few The closest may be? No one in particular Do you speak of your troubles with them? They wouldn't understand What is your addiction? Temporary Pleasure But- With pain, of course What is it exactly, your addiction? A razor blade

0

Jul 12, 2015

Jul 12, 2015 at 6:51 PM UTC

It's time

And your pain? Unbearable Your thoughts? Uncontrollable What about your actions? Unthinkable And your expressions? On paper, On a canvas Are you an artist? If you want to call it that How about depression? Minimal Close relationships? A few The closest may be? No one in particular Do you speak of your troubles with them? They wouldn't understand What is your addiction? Temporary Pleasure But- With pain, of course What is it exactly, your addiction? A razor blade

24

It doesn't seem to settle on Others one has a problem Until they get their head out of Their *** and look at a person For who they are in the moment - That's the upside to an addict, They don't have to answer to anyone. But when they do, It's not the truth.

0

Jul 12, 2015

Jul 12, 2015 at 6:21 PM UTC

Counting time

It doesn't seem to settle on Others one has a problem Until they get their head out of Their *** and look at a person For who they are in the moment - That's the upside to an addict, They don't have to answer to anyone. But when they do, It's not the truth.

10

Silence lurks through me Faint thoughts cross my mind I've been fighting sleep- Possession takes over me, Leading me to the desk Rummaging through the drawers I find what I'm told to- Sitting in darkness Fighting my demons Calling those of greatness But none answers- At the swipe of a blade I'm walking on clouds Once again. relapse

0

Jul 10, 2015

Jul 10, 2015 at 1:42 AM UTC

Once again

Silence lurks through me Faint thoughts cross my mind I've been fighting sleep- Possession takes over me, Leading me to the desk Rummaging through the drawers I find what I'm told to- Sitting in darkness Fighting my demons Calling those of greatness But none answers- At the swipe of a blade I'm walking on clouds Once again. relapse

15

Just stop go away Stop asking Don't look back Keep going forward As far away from me as possible LEAVE *As far away as you can ******* get*

0

May 1, 2015

May 1, 2015 at 9:50 PM UTC

Farther away

Just stop go away Stop asking Don't look back Keep going forward As far away from me as possible LEAVE *As far away as you can ******* get*

8