A song of beauty, a storm of sadness
Coexist in my heart
Neath the stone cold outer, it hurts and heals
Letting in gale after gale, not once the lock holding fast
Limerence and love collide, collide
Reality and fantasy alternate, tide after tide
In one life, we live a million different lives
In one life, we traverse a thousand miles
Knowing or unknowing, we touch many a life
Some left despondent, some with smiles
So much to do, so much to say
So much regret we carry, each and every day
So many lessons learnt, yet not one nigh
Not one nigh the art of saying goodbye
Clouded by hunger and bound by thirst
We see what we want to, unless coerced
Nostalgic, for the past we mourn and yearn
The present awaits us, undiscerned
Life passes us by, mutely we spectate
Gate-crashed by ebbs and flows, rendered desolate
We do things wrong, we do them right
Lost in the immense horizon, we lose sight
Whatever our secrets, we confide in the night
For, the moon and stars, hold wisdom erudite
Long after it is gone, we stay and wait
What holds us back, it never abates
All the will we summon goes awry
For never have we known the art of saying goodbye
Oct 4, 2020
Oct 4, 2020 at 1:46 PM UTC
Me, I'm loveless
Chasing empty dream after dream
Holding on for so long
To something that's already gone downstream
You, you're loveless
For reasons I cannot fathom
Though I sense love seems to you
Like a bottomless chasm
Somewhere in this struggle,
love found you and me
When we need it most, love never lets us down
My heart, breaking into music
and my senses drifting away,
I fell for you.
It seemed like a heavy moment
You and me, cooped up
In the interval between one waning second and another..
Such a miniscule, yet such beauty
I swear I saw it in your faltering eyes
In the seconds you lingered near me
The throes of solitude
The longing to come close
I swear I heard it in the strain of your voice
You feeling that you had no choice
Why do you hide behind a veil of disdain
when your heart tells a different story?
Will we always remain two soundless hearts in love?
I have waited so long
To clasp your hand and take you far
I have longed night and day
To breathe in your scent and never let you go
Trust me, the daylight will never fade
And I will never leave your side
I know love's hard, but let's do this right
In our fanciest fantasies, let's reside
So my love, there goes it
A tiny piece of my heart, I place before you
Hoping that it renders my love true
Broken and bleeding, yet beating for you..
Aug 7, 2020
Aug 7, 2020 at 1:37 PM UTC
When I see you smile
When I see you laugh
I wanna cling to you
Like you're my pillar
Once upon a time
You meant something to me
There ain't no one
Who could be your filler
Oh, who put this distance
between us?
Overwhelmingly long
for me to cross
Oh, who chalked out this plan
for us?
Because I don't talk with you
Even if you're across
Oh, how do I comfort
A heart that once loved you?
Oh, how do I explain?
Oh, how do I destroy
your memories?
When I wanna live them all again..
It's so hard to say
But it's only fair
To say that I loved you
Though I didn't make it bare
I knew you cared
Just not enough
To say no more, I dared
As I called your bluff
Oh, why did the good times
have to end?
Like dew that melts
At the touch of
the morning sun?
Oh, why am I slipping
down a gaping hole?
Wishing with all my might
that the past were undone...
Oh, how do I comfort
A heart that once loved you?
Oh, how do I ease the pain?
With a single word
And a single look
You set me on fire again..
So soon a friend
So soon a stranger
It all happened overnight..
You lit me up
Like a thousand lights
Now I'm dark but my tears are bright..
Jun 3, 2020
Jun 3, 2020 at 1:19 AM UTC
My father doesn’t talk to me anymore.
When I was two, I was his bundle of love. Every time he held me, you could tell that his eyes glowed with pride and affection.
When I was seven, I ran to him crying. I told him there was a monster under my bed. And he told me, “Sweetie, monsters aren’t real.”
And when I was eleven, I knew he was lying. Because, he became the monster on my bed.
It started suddenly. The trips to my bedroom. The recurring hugs and kisses. The lying next to me. The caressing my hand. Then caressing everywhere.
And then the sudden mood swings. The looks. The alcohol.
Then the disrobing. Of me. The forced disrobing.
First, I resisted. Then, I gave in.
Later along the way, I gave up.
There were times when I tried to escape, but couldn’t. The ‘monster’ caught me when I tried to run. “No one runs away from home, sweetie” his dry voice still haunts me.
Every time I tried to talk about it, somehow the words stuck in my throat. ‘No one will believe you’ was what I told myself.
Those cold fingers found their way about, just everywhere. Those colder eyes had seen everything to see.
Then, the blow fell. I was destroyed. Wasted. Emotionally and physically. Now, the picture was complete.
“What did you even raise me for? For this?” was all I could manage before I fell into a deep slumber.
At times, I wondered. Just for a day, could I see? The dad I loved? The dad I believed in? At the least, a decent human being. And not the sick monster who preyed on me every night.
Then, one sunny morning the cops came. I’d finally done it.
“They took him away to a bad, bad place where bad, bad men live. You are safe now, sweetie” the officer told me.
The look on my father’s place was a mixture of regret and hate and disappointment. And curiously, relief.
My father doesn’t talk to me anymore.
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 1:41 PM UTC
I held you close, I felt your lips
I knew you so much, like I knew myself
I took in your eyes, I took in your warmth
I dissolved in a pool of your soft voice
I unlocked your being, I saw you unravel
Until you faded into the mist of nothingness
I had been dreaming again
Now I’m lonely and in pain…
Life stole you from me….
My soul shatters at your absence
Your memories wring me in and out
How do I ever unlove you
When I’d betrothed my heart, soul and existence to thee
Was I not worthy
Of a single goodbye??....
My breath struggles as I try to suppress a scream
And then they flow, the tears and the madness
Like river currents
Unleashed by the pressing sadness within
You! You made me believe in love
Every inch of me longs for you to return
Oh please! Come back
I can live no longer
My breath’s struggling
And the end seems near
I’m lying abandoned, but there’s no ‘you’
No ‘you’ to steer me away from this grief
No farewells, no goodbyes
Just empty promises
You’re gone, and with you, gone is everything I ever had
But
I am still mourning
That you’re gone, without a goodbye…..
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 9:15 AM UTC
Curled up in your arms,
Looking into your eyes
And in them I see
A million reasons why
I fell in love with all of you
The moment I realized you were mine to hold
And mine to kiss
And mine to make love to
Only, how time passes!
And today, you’re still here
Not a passing dream
In love with you
More than I could imagine ever
I don’t want a candlelit romance
I don’t wanna dance under the stars
I don’t want a bed of red roses
With a sprinkle of rain upon my cheek
I just want you to hold me tight
And coat me with your kisses
Hold me close, let go never
Shackled to your eyes
Welded to your body
By the fever of excitement
That ripples across me when you come closer
This is enough, to last me for a very long time
Lying curled up in your arms
And looking into your eyes…
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 8:57 AM UTC
I can’t seem to get sleep today. I’m thinking about us.
Being friends with you has always felt different. As another friend of mine puts it ‘You look like you’re over the moon, around him.’ And it couldn’t be truer, I feel it too.
We are always together, during the break or while hanging out or wherever. I can’t seem to remember what my life felt like, before you happened.
I find myself looking for reasons to touch you. No, mister, that brush against your hand wasn’t unintentional. Don’t you ever believe that.
When it’s time to say goodbye, I see your eyes searching mine. I see your emotions clash, so do mine. And I see us wanting to do nothing about it.
I see us, in the distant future, old and wrinkled, carrying a baggage of regret.
Yesterday, I looked into the mirror and asked myself this question: ‘Are we mad?’ And I swear, I felt like a total sucker.
And yes, we are mad. For finding something beautiful and not stopping by to appreciate it. For holding this incredible piece of treasure and trying to shove it all away. For feeling this lovely emotion and attempting to shun it.
Whatever you do, whatever you say, makes me want to laugh a little harder, love you a little deeper and trust you a lot more than I’ve ever done anybody.
That day you told me this ‘Love is nothing but wanting to be the best version of yourself for that special somebody.’ And that’s exactly what we are, to each other, our finest of the finest versions.
And yet we do not want to realize the truth, hanging between us like a ghost.
Are we so blind that we can’t recognize love even when it stares at us full in the eye?
Yes, sir, love finds you. But only if you’re willing to let it in.
So next time someone asks me if I have a thing for you, I will say ‘Yes, I do.’ Then I’ll sneak behind you and give you a big hug. I’ll hold your hand and tell you that you are not just a friend. That you are something more.
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 11:57 AM UTC
Oh heart! Let go
It’s way too late
How long can I stay at the mercy of fate?
Oh heart! Let go
Else I may break
No more sorrow can this soul take
Oh heart! Let go
For I no more can bear
Tread lightly upon this adulation’s lair
Oh heart! Let go
Of those eyes that shackle
For all of me is in shambles
Oh heart! Let go
Of the searing hunger
That let you walk alone in love’s cloister
Oh heart! Let go
Of those vacant stares
For in the end, no one cares
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 1:39 PM UTC
It's okay, it's not exactly heartbreaking
When I'm already broken and mending
But it hurts when the happiness I imagined
Seems close to ending.
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 6:50 AM UTC
You ever feel like driving a car
with headlights off,
in the middle of the night,
on a hazy day?
You go over that conversation
you had yesterday,
thinking that you could have been less incriminating.
You ever spend time writing out your plans
on a sheet of note paper and find it,
days later,
crumpled in your shelf?
And that tiny speck of self esteem inside you just dies.
You ever feel you have to tiptoe around your thoughts
because the 'real' you wouldn't approve of them?
You lie awake half the night,
staring at the ceiling fan,
at the shifting shadows,
at the person next to you, lost in skepticism.
You remember that look somebody gave you
five years ago
one drizzly evening.
You remember that situation from last month,
wondering why couldn't you
have acted differently.
You ever feel like you're stuck in a loop?
An infinity loop?
Because that is just what over thinking is,
an infinite loop.
An endless assortment of 'what-ifs'.
Press 'Stop' and abort the mission.
Pull yourself together.
Give yourself that pep talk
and
go do whatever you always wanted to.
Every beam of light starts with a flicker.
Find your flicker,
it's out here.
Because one thought
is all it takes
to give you the most messed up picture of life.
And because one little thought
is all it really takes
to set things right again.
Apr 29, 2020
Apr 29, 2020 at 5:07 AM UTC