I'm broke and wondering where all my money went.
Questioning what was the last thing I bought and if it was money well spent.
I had to work for what some of my friends already had for years.
Kind of a ****** reality but then again, who cares?
I'm watching all of my heroes become human.
Free balling life while trying to take the next step, yeah, I'm cruising.
Working hard for what many had all along.
If you think there's someone answering your prayers then you're all wrong.
Opportunity and equity are two very different things.
We all can grow but where we go can affect whether we're winning or losing.
I'm so consumed by my desires sometimes it burns me.
Taking the next step is hard but we're all forever learning.
My life is just one big broken machine.
I need tools and parts to fix it and I'm still searching.
All that time I spent waiting and wishing for some to rescue me.
The only person who can answer my prayers is me.
Oct 16, 2016
Oct 16, 2016 at 5:59 PM UTC
All of these broken things,
I will lay out.
I'll throw them all away,
And I'll learn to accept what I must live without.
I can say life isn't fair,
But I can't have what isn't there.
I can pray for better,
But no one besides me is going to hear.
Some days I want to break all I have,
So I can possess what I am.
I want nothing to have any use just like me.
Everything around me is complete unlike me.
I'm either feeling high or can't feel anything physically and emotionally.
But what's the ******* point of beating myself up when I know I'll soon feel nothing?
I'll live a lifetime in my cave-mind waiting for someone to see me out,
But until then I'll recognize what I can't have and what I must live without.
Sep 28, 2016
Sep 28, 2016 at 12:38 PM UTC
I'm pretty sure it's safe to say you're not feeling me,
I had a hunch that'd you end up feeling that way.
I was honest and I was going to try my best
But you're an individual that chose to go another road.
You're gone on the highway and I'm walking on a rail road.
I swear my friends keep me holding on
But they don't know that I'm so far gone.
I'd hope you'd give me chance and realize you had me all wrong.
Keep going because you were right all along.
I'm a child that still hasn't hit his growth spurt.
I swear I'm a psychic because I knew I'd be left hurt.
We were going to have a good run but you left me in the dirt.
I'm a train wreck trying to get back on track
And you'd chugged along and showed me your back.
What did I expect because it all ends the same,
And guess what?
Yes, I'm the one to blame.
I was hoping you'd see me out but you were smart enough to see through me.
Sep 5, 2016
Sep 5, 2016 at 9:00 PM UTC
I'm looking forward to ******* nothing
The words I need to say are buffering
Somewhere down this line there is some sort of reward
I'm aimlessly trying to move forward
Get away from me, don't you see that I don't speak unless there's meaning
As far as I'm concerned everyone outside of family is temporary
As of late, I feel restrained, being held back from everything that matters to me
So consumed by what I think I need,
I don't have the ******* luxury of choosing to be happy
Every road block I crash into takes a peice of me in some way
I'll never forget that winter where I was scarred and permanently changed
Frozen in time taking everything in
So much self reflection took place that it made every mirror I stared into bend
All that I felt and thought, you could never relate
I promise that you would die if you had to bare my weight
And I don’t need help from you or anyone to get me through this
Sep 1, 2016
Sep 1, 2016 at 3:15 PM UTC
Here I go again believing I'm not a broken man
My voice falls on deaf ears
I want to hear what I haven't heard in 4 years
I want to abandon hope, because hope is what's leaving me hurt the most
Maybe to feel nothing and lonely is the life meant for me
I was foolish to think that I could be anything but alone
Getting lifted up only to be put down
Believing I could get lured by someone else to happiness is a belief only justified by faith
And though I want to seclude myself and be invisible at my own will
The will of the world says I shall remain the way I am now;
Screaming and shouting to be seen and heard
But ultimately cast aside destined to be forgotten
Yet one has to be remembered in order to be forgotten.
Jul 17, 2016
Jul 17, 2016 at 12:13 PM UTC
I've been left out and cast aside
My shadow is all that's by my side
I'm waiting for my turn
To embrace
what is
deserved
to all
So much luggage I carry from the past
I can't ask for help cause' nothing lasts
Let downs are always expected
The world has spoken,
I'm rejected
Promising to let you down is the only way I won't let you down
I'm beneath
the
soil
in the
ground!
God ****
No one can come in
I'm not ready to go somewhere I've never been
That's why I won't pull anyone in
What I keep inside is deterring
I'll remain a stone unturned
Demanding what I'll never earn
Because I'm a peice work
A job that probably won't get done.
Jul 10, 2016
Jul 10, 2016 at 8:38 PM UTC
I can't grow when every outcome is the same
I've been no one's priority
So why should anyone be for me?
Wasting time has wasted mine
How going with the flow has only gone smooth in my mind
Jagged rocks and clustered thoughts
Cold outcomes have always been my fault
Expecting torment is how I get ready for disappointment
My boys are all I need for companionship and enjoyment
Fairy tales are lies and I won't die searching for it
Jun 29, 2016
Jun 29, 2016 at 9:33 PM UTC
In the prologue of relapse
I realized my last time was my last
Back when more things weren't right
I'd escape in the night
And put myself somewhere in the clouds
Emptiness embraced me
Nothing has changed lately
Dead leaves were covered in white and brought greener trees
Back? Oh God I'm not going back
Now... I know where I want to be but just don't know how
Alone. Just accept I'll die forever being on my own
Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 5:45 PM UTC
Again I'm back here
I thought I could ignore my fears
A constant reminder that I'm not quite cut out for this
I deserve to be loved the way so many others have
Is what's so out of reach for me a goal or illusion?
Falling into the pool that is my thoughts
Drifting effortlessly as my youth rots
The fear that one day I'll be old with nothing or anyone to show
There is so much love in me to give that seems it will forever be cradled in morrow
I think that if I wasn't eternally flashed with fantasy I wouldn't long to share the best of me
I'm imprisoned by what is in my mind
Am I meant to observe and be taunted by the sound of companionship as if I am blind?
I'm not one to be weak but I silently scream in joy at the thought of being saved
Because when time comes that I finally save myself it will have already been too late
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 7:13 PM UTC
You're drawn to trouble and it's killing you yet again
There you are drowning in the puddle you thought you could swim in
You can't make an ocean out of a lake by splashing water
And when it comes to ******** I swear you're such a sucker
Just like how I'm a fool for happily ever after
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 9:00 PM UTC