Olivertwist
I've always been a thinker. The easiest way for me to express exactly what I'm thinking is to write about it. For me writing lets out the pressures of emotion. I'm not a proper poet or a professional anything so I don't really know what the 'right way' to write things would be. I'm just a girl with a lot of shit in her head. A lot of ideas beliefs and emotions. I write to capture moments that move me. I write to relate to other writers, or readers. I write to be honest. I write because it makes me feel good, and I'm addicted to feeling good. I write to remember.
Life is just a series of rooms
You spend time in
full of all the people
You shot grams or
smoked a dime with.
Full of all the people
You laid next to
to rest your head.
Full of all the people
Who would end up dead.
Life is just a series of questions
You gotta answer to.
Like how did God decide
On All the people
He gave cancer to?
Why some things you never had
Will be the best you'll never have?
Why all the good things in life
Gotta Hurt so bad?
Rooms full of questions in my head.
Dec 28, 2015
Dec 28, 2015 at 12:36 AM UTC
We all take pain
In its purest form
Straight to the vein
Tattered and worn
We are reborn
They say Saints are only sinners
Who kept on trying
But we're all dying
Trying to lick the sore
There is no good
No bad
There is No right
no wrong
We are what we are
Don't judge where we belong.
it is what it is.
And We all bleed.
Sounds like Equanimity
To me.
Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 1:47 AM UTC
Read me with your eyes
Dictionary of silence
Pry me open past my lies
Past my anger and violence
A tiny girl who wants to cry
And watch the world pass by
Steady waiting for the ****
Like I was born with a license
To **** my self
Watching my dignity fall down
From its shelf
Up In my mind
Too busy chasing vanity,sex, and wealth.
"The next feel good
Will be REAL good"
I kept telling myself.
But I was creepin to the deep end
Seeking death with a stealth.
Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 1:42 AM UTC
Ignorance is bliss
and that's why you got the blues, baby.
Takes a lot of pain;
knowing better while you lose.
We all get straight, one day,
Or we get dead.
In discontent; by old age.
By ****** By lead.
Just remember, Like I said,
It's not their ignorance you choose.
You got them gettin better blues, baby.
gettin better blues.
Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 1:41 AM UTC
Changing molds
so i can force myself
through a you shaped hole.
I cut myself Down
to the image that I think you see in me.
In the mirror I can't see myself,
Much less imagine actually being me.
Who am I?
Well, This is it.
I'm a mess and a misfit.
the one who's got it figured out
but really doesn't know ****
I'm the people pleaser
who never gets what she desires
and then wonders why the emptiness continues to transpire.
I like to deny the fact that I'm a liar.
I like to create
comfortable places in my head
where feelings can go unfelt
and things can be left unsaid.
Just a million little pieces.
My faces.
switched off and on in different places. Different phases.
A million little pieces of you
and every one I knew.
Now I can't find who I am.
Just what I was in my memories.
I can't decide who i was
ever even trying please.
At ease.
I pray for God
to break me down to my core.
To give me strength to stand up
For the things I love and adore.
To never hide behind lies,
sit back and slip
Right through your fingertips.
To be true to my soul
and really start to exist.
Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 1:39 AM UTC
i lie when i don't need to.
i steal when i don't have to.
i'm always thinking when i shouldn't.
i eat
drink
sleep
smoke
****
when i dont want to.
its just me feeling like i have to
fill this void because i need to.
but i shouldnt.
i'll eat till i throw up and then admit i still want more.
i'll drink so much i won't get up for days.
i'll sleep all night or not at all.
i'll smoke, snort, shoot all i can take till i go dumb.
psychotic.
numb.
i'll do it
over and over
and YES!
ill do it, all the time.
and every time
that i don't want to
i'm just so certain that i have to
fill this void
splitting me open
till i die.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 9:03 PM UTC
Truth is
you make me wanna be honest.
Haven't felt that in the longest
time.
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 11:46 PM UTC
I'm a dogs toy and hes got me
ripping at the seems.
I say
its from innocent play.
That's what I like to believe.
Don't trust me.
I'm a dogs toy.
I cannot see.
Hes got my little button eyes
chewed out.
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 9:01 PM UTC
things are better
or i stopped looking.
whatever it is
its working
except the feelings are less 'feely'
dull if you ask me.
maybe just familiar with the pains
so they go unnoticed, un-noted.
chasing my tail
in circles of ongoing obligations
and im much less than satisfied.
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC
I start to write.
I get the taste in my mouth
like I'm high again.
I forget to breathe.
I hold my breath
and feel my heart beat
in my skin.
Staring past the spaces.
My vision growing thin.
My mind
paints my face
with a grin.
Unsettling in.
When I write
feels like I'm high again.
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 12:32 AM UTC