You hold out a flower to me and show me its intricacies, its petal, its every seam.
Then you ask if I could live with myself if I squished, because you couldn't, you say
I tell you most days I already don’t live with myself,
I am just waking up and waiting to fall asleep
Or in bed waiting for the morning,
counting the intricacies of the wall.
I tell you that my head already doesn’t live with me, it lives leagues deeper,
much deeper in the petals of my flower.
And when I show you my back with all the seams,
the places where the stem meets the petals, and they stitch together unwillingly.
I tell you, the world has already smashed me,
It seems to have no problem living with it.
Mar 24, 2021
Mar 24, 2021 at 9:50 PM UTC
Tell me about the worst days
So I show you my ****** hands
and bound legs
I show you the maggots in my skeleton
and the pins in my hands
I show you the patches in my head
and the bumps down my back
You pretend not to notice the decaying nature of me,
pretend not to see my slow acting killer.
and are surprise when I tell you that the maggots java burrowed into my hips
Feb 6, 2021
Feb 6, 2021 at 8:28 PM UTC
We do not say the word love
it is ice we dare not tread for fear of cracking
We say:
Care, cherish, treasure, admire
To say love would be jump into
The fullness of emotion that lies beneath the ice
Jan 30, 2021
Jan 30, 2021 at 6:11 PM UTC
I used to let the rich red flowers that sprout every month
dominate my garden
I couldn't- wouldn’t- undergo the embarrassment
of digging shears out of by bag
And dragging them into the bathroom with me.
I couldn’t bear to leave the clippings in there,
perhaps I wouldn’t.
I wonder who made me ashamed of this red garden.
I wonder why they find it so thorny,
when these are not roses,
but tulips
Jan 20, 2021
Jan 20, 2021 at 12:00 PM UTC
I swallow my med
like one uses a lifesaver,
with desperation
you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine
the people around me are somber,
the world is gray,
I am lively
you make me happy
when skies are gray
I drop the pill back in the organizer
the first of many to remain in that box
I learn to create my own sunshine
Jan 19, 2021
Jan 19, 2021 at 7:36 PM UTC
Love is all trust falls and trapeze for some
We put our affection on display in the air
in hopes that people will clap when we catch each other
from the deadly fall below.
I wonder sometimes what happens to the partners that fall
Often partners fall from the slip of a hand
We call it an accident, no one's fault
and sometimes it is
Love could also just be a simple walk through the garden
But perhaps I enjoy the show of trust falls and trapeze
as dangerous as it is
Jan 6, 2021
Jan 6, 2021 at 8:47 PM UTC
When the out of order is in order
it is a hard feeling to place
The chips are all mixed up inside
But the machine can still dispense
The out of order sign belongs on me
but yet by some mystery
no one has even checked so see if they can get chips
Dec 28, 2020
Dec 28, 2020 at 10:15 PM UTC
We are writing our from our hearts
Red ink staining the pages
We are writing with our hearts
Each word in rhythm
We are showing everyone our hearts
So that no one can see the wounds elsewhere
We are convincing ourselves that if our heart still beats
There is no problem.
But our hearts are beating our blood away
Dec 28, 2020
Dec 28, 2020 at 9:57 PM UTC
My heart tightens my rib cage traps my lungs
these are part of a dance we’ve done many times
a dance where one partner is trying to run
and the other is trying to waltz.
You do not get a head start,
there is no finish line or trophy.
You just hope that the next dance is slower,
The steps are less hard, and the partner less willing to dance.
Dec 18, 2020
Dec 18, 2020 at 2:56 PM UTC
My skin is red there
its peeling there
So I pull.
I pull at this pain that traps me;
I pull away the suffering;
I pull away the memories,
the hurt too much to keep.
But when I am done pulling
what will remain of me
Dec 18, 2020
Dec 18, 2020 at 2:50 PM UTC