I’m drunk on peach wine
And you’re just a text away
I don’t know why you went back to them
It hurts my heart to see
That taking a break didn’t change anything
It breaks my heart to see
How you’re treated when you show any emotion
It breaks my heart to see
The ways in which I could do better
It hurt terribly when you told me that you had gone back
To where you were once so miserable
Every time you tell me a new wrong
It makes me see red
Because I know you deserve so much better
Than to be ridiculed and used as an ego boost
I am so full of these secrets
And it feels like they may leak out of me
I feel like I can never tell you any of this
A few nights ago I made a small confession
And just that felt like I had gone too far
It didn’t change anything
Except to make everything uncertain
I hate not knowing could have been
Or what could be
Because every time i turn around
I see a new memory that we made
And it reminds me of the gentle love you radiate
The love that I crave more of
I don’t know
There’s a hole in my heart that you would fill
But I can’t overstep
And risk losing what we have
I’m lonely as it is
I couldn’t take losing you
It would **** me
Both figuratively and literally
I would die if I didn’t have what I can get
And that feels manipulative
And I hate myself for it
I just
I just love you
I just love you a lot
I just love you a lot more than I should
Jun 13, 2022
Jun 13, 2022 at 2:36 AM UTC
There are ways in which I let myself indulge in your presence
And when I can pretend that were more than what we are
When I pretend to absentmindedly move my leg so it just so happens to touch yours
And I feel the burning of the contact even through the fabric that separate us
It feels as big of a declaration of love as screaming the words out loud would be
I find myself creating and following these intricate rituals to create contact when I know there shouldn’t be any
I pretend to forget things at your house just so that I may see you again even for a moment
Today I drank alcohol even though I knew that I shouldn’t mix it with my medications
I fell into a dream state where the world felt warm, and right and in that room alone with you I knew I belonged nowhere else
In that dimly lit room I saw you in the light that I’ve been avoiding seeing you in
Because when I looked at your hands they seemed so soft and like they would fit perfectly in mine with interlocked fingers
I saw your skin glowing and as I looked at the way you shined I found my self unable to concentrate because of how in love with you I felt
Jun 13, 2022
Jun 13, 2022 at 2:19 AM UTC
I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with my past partners.
I think I’ve lied every time I said those words.
I think I was scared to admit it to myself,
But I think I love you.
I will never regret anything as much as I regret saying yes,
Then chickening out.
How different our lives would be had we kissed, had we touched.
I don’t think I’ve ever said “I love you”, and meant it.
Except to you.
I think you're my soulmate.
I think you’re meant to be mine.
I think I’m meant to be yours.
I think you're miserable with him.
I think you’d be happy with me.
I don’t think I’d ever be happy with anyone else.
But I am not a smart woman,
So what I think may just be my mind.
And I can never tell you what to do,
But I hope you see in my eyes my love for you.
I’m scared that if I ever told you,
Everything would change.
I’m scared I’d lose you again, and I’d die without you.
I don’t think I’ve ever understood someone more.
I don’t think anyone has ever understood me more.
If i decided to tell you, what would I say?
How am I supposed to apologize?
I think I’ll have to keep my mouth shut forever.
As long as you’re in my life, I can keep living.
Mar 29, 2021
Mar 29, 2021 at 4:56 AM UTC
I may smile when you look at me
I may laugh when you joke for me
But **** I'm dead inside
To hell if I say I'm fine
Everything hurts
It's worse than words
My best friend is the devil
He shows me every evil
He says it's ok for me to bleed
But as long as they never see
I never get any sleep
Thoughts are running too deep
I don't respect my body anymore
What the **** is it good for
I can feel my bones move beneath my skin
What will it take to be whole again
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 2:21 AM UTC
I fear for those to whom I'm lying
Because of their pain or because of mine
Truth is I'm constantly aching
From my own bones I'm breaking
I feel best when I'm in pain
Best in this bed I'm laying
I need a distraction
Other than this misery I'm in
My hand falls to my side
And another piece of me dies
I've found that people don't want to hear my cries for help
I've learned it's better to keep them to myself
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 2:13 AM UTC
Misery sleeps with me
Confusion holds my hand
Depression spoon feeds me
Exhaustion builds my lonely land
I'm the sole heir
With anxiety holding my faith
In fragile fingers bound to break
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 2:03 AM UTC
Where did you go friend?
What did you believe in?
Are you where you wanted to be?
Is it your ghost that I see?
The silent words on my breath,
Are whispers of a tragic death.
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 1:59 AM UTC
We write
We write as if we are who we wish we were
We cry
We cry because we are who we wish we weren't
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 1:58 AM UTC
Inside the meaning of drought,
The old waters shimmer.
Inside the meaning of death,
The old poets turn in their graves.
Inside the meaning of exile,
The old gods pace in their prisons.
Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 1:06 AM UTC
You’re a vampire;
But not for blood, no.
You take the air from my lungs,
And use it to keep you going.
And I never thought you would take it all,
But here I am with nothing,
And there you are with everything.
Jun 12, 2017
Jun 12, 2017 at 6:35 PM UTC