It was only by loving you that I could love myself.
I never meant to hurt you.
You wear that mask so well
I can't tell if I did.
I choose to think you're oblivious.
After all, you don't know
You don't know anything at all.
I love you.
I wish I didn't
I'm moving away soon so why
Why even try
We'd have a month at best
It's unfair
I don't want to love you
You don't love me.
I know you don't.
I see it in your eyes.
I just want to kiss you,
One last time.
I want to see you smile again.
May 8, 2021
May 8, 2021 at 12:56 PM UTC
I almost want to apologise for my lack of writing.
I go for months, years.
I try to be healthy,
To change my poetry into something
"Productive."
I always come back.
Something about it,
Being honest with myself.
No, I'm not okay.
For that brief time,
Where I am creative,
Happy,
Allowed to be whoever I am.
Before I pretend that this moment
Never existed.
Before I pretend I'm okay again.
Apr 12, 2021
Apr 12, 2021 at 12:22 AM UTC
Anything is better than being alone.
Maybe
I could stop caring about others.
Because
I begin to hate myself.
To lose myself.
So very ******* poetic.
But with you, I want to die.
Without you, I already am.
Apr 12, 2021
Apr 12, 2021 at 12:18 AM UTC
I wish I had some meaning
In this meaningless world.
Apr 12, 2021
Apr 12, 2021 at 12:15 AM UTC
I chose life.
I could have gone,
Peacefully,
In my own time.
A choice.
Life or death.
To continue to suffer,
To fight.
To sleep in peace,
To end.
It was the hardest decision of my life,
But the most natural too.
Out of spite,
Out of fear,
Out of love.
Call it what you will.
Jan 7, 2021
Jan 7, 2021 at 1:01 AM UTC
The night
Is cold
And long.
I cannot
Think.
I want to
Be loved.
But I
Will die
Here.
Cold
Alone
Forgotten
As it
Should be
The pain
Makes
My existence
Fade.
Scattered thoughts.
I love you.
Jan 7, 2021
Jan 7, 2021 at 12:57 AM UTC
I love how some people
Can articulate their thoughts so clearly.
They can say so little
And amount to so much.
I know I should stop
Comparing myself to them.
They have meaning.
My mind's a mess.
Nov 10, 2020
Nov 10, 2020 at 1:45 PM UTC
But I guess I have to come to terms with it.
It doesn't have to be so bad.
I don't always have to be waiting for someone to save me.
Nov 4, 2020
Nov 4, 2020 at 5:16 PM UTC
I don't know why this is bugging me so much.
Maybe it's the fact
That I have to be so
Vulnerable.
I don't even have to talk about myself that much.
So why am I
So Scared?
It's just a silly little essay.
I don't want anyone to know.
That I'm not okay.
Because
I
Will
Be.
I just need a little more time.
Hurting.
Nov 4, 2020
Nov 4, 2020 at 5:14 PM UTC
It's been a while, hasn't it?
I don't know if what I've been doing is "healing",
But one can hope.
Nov 4, 2020
Nov 4, 2020 at 5:12 PM UTC