Nike-Kaffezakis
American
So I lied, I wasn't necessarily back. I sort of had a mental breakdown that nearly had me institutionalized. But through intense therapy, I not only put my life in order, but on a new track. I came out. I am transfeminine. In a large way, I have risen out of the ashes into a new being. That is why I changed my name to Nike, after the patron goddess of victory, but also a shortening of my former Greek name "Yannike". I have not changed so much as matured into a more honest form of myself, claiming victory over old anxieties and fears.
Green light suspends my structure
Darkness then enters, pervasive, invasive
Darkness without hostile motives
No reason to ail my beautiful light
It just happens
So long aloft in arms of others
Legs are shriveled, decorations, a show
A show that cannot support the form
Of the athlete the task demands
Disappointment, Atlas failed
Smooth and bare the corridor
Opening into an expanse of cavern
Rough on the edge, ravaged
The Devil took a bite out of Earth
Looking into the space, empty
It is not what is taken
It is the burden kindly given
The freedom to inhale and exhale
To be tossed by storms and make them
The ability to succeed, or even fail
Responsibility
Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 3:46 PM UTC
As the lights flickered down,
Over the carbonic sparkle of
Orange Juice spiked with sprite,
Do you remember holding a kiss
To the chagrin of parents and hostess?
You loved me so much, you
Made us a bed in the corner
Two sleeping bags merged,
No longer apart.
And I thought,
In this world,
A snake pit,
Filled both, with vipers and *****
I would hold your hand
And have your side.
But with palms pressed together,
My fingers entwined
To keep me from grasping,
I realize,
You had mine.
Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 3:24 PM UTC
*Your love is like a trip
to the dentist.
Every time you’re in my arms
like laughing gas
I fall victim to your charms.
And though that said
as an adult, I would not hurt
I pain when you’re away.
But it’s a treat in the end, your
absence is short.
I know the pain of separation will be
fixed with well-placed braces;
It’s unbearable now, but it’s only fluoride
to wipe out bacterial traces.
Yes, our love could be more hygienically kept,
But each visit brings
great excitement unexpected, yet.
There are times regrettable,
And shyness certainly starts me quivering.
Still, each day with you leaves me
smiling,
So fresh that I’m shivering.*
Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 3:20 PM UTC
*Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyle and gimble in the wabe.
“Beware the jabberwock my son
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch…”*
The twin scourges of solitude
Death comes upon closed hearts,
Nay… Cold Hearts would pray for death
Close cousin to the cold heart, the busy mind.
One rises with the other, in fact;
Both encage…
Both disconnect…
Both starve … of joy
Both take… the person…’s soul.
**I give up, I say
Love is not for me
I fall to me knee
Bow head in defeat**
*Why do I show my neck to my foe?
There is a better way, I do not know.*
I don’t know
I simply do not know
Everyone looks toward me
Expecting my advice
It’s not here
**I do not know the reason
For the changing of the tide
Nor changing of the season
Nor the…**
The answers
Are as hidden from me
As they are for the rest of you
So do not look at me
Turn and go
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 10:33 PM UTC
Your words are quite confusing
Your phrases are too contradicting
Your thoughts are too well hidden
your…
I just don’t know what you mean
Why is it that you make things difficult
Why is it that you are [replace: ‘need to be’] so vague
Why must you hide those [replace: ‘such’] things from me
Why is it that what makes little sense is all you only say
What I need to hear … {illegible} …. what makes
little sense
I can’t understand. My mind no longer works
My heart can’t stand this confusion much longer
I must know what you want me to be… anarchy
I must [ want to] know what you think
I need to know your guidance (your wants, your aspirations)
I need to know your wants
I need to tell you how much you matter, how much I care
But it’s a catch-22, (you see)
I don’t know what to ask [say]
There are (too) few words I can use
To say what you mean [ quite what I feel]
“I love you” is much, much too trite
“You are my world” is just not enough
So I guess (this Valentine’s) I’ll (just have to) ask…
“Will you be mine?”
--
Once Redacted
Replaced [with]
(Added)
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 10:29 PM UTC
#1
*Lovely Life.
Delightful Death.
Refreshing Rebirth.*
#2
*I am the vacuum
I am…
Am I the absences of something
Or the presence of nothing?*
#3
*I was born to be a statue
So ivy could strangle my being
So roots could separate my parts
I feel creepers climbing my limbs
I feel vines tangling my form
But my automaton gears spin too fast
to let me die.*
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 10:24 PM UTC
I am Schrodinger's cat
My thoughts are an experiment on entropy
I am both dead and alive
I've been tongue tied since third grade
never able to say I love you.
Especially to myself.
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 10:14 PM UTC
Come taste my lips
I want to enter your heart like a diver
I want to pierce your soul like a stare
I want to inject myself into your life like an exclamation
And linger there like the first kiss offered by a lover.
I want to impose on you like a beloved grandmother
And tease you like an incessant itch
(The more you scratch,
The more of your thoughts I’ll inhabit)
I want to love you like a metaphor
Building in your mind to a climatic epiphany
A realization that all my words are symbols
Of unspoken dreams of you.
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 10:13 PM UTC
The dog howled with the gunshot. “Rabies,” he would later explain. When asked about his son.
Dec 29, 2014
Dec 29, 2014 at 10:12 PM UTC
Did you see me screech by?
To say I lost all control,
Would imply I had any
Did you see my eyes shut?
Not in pain or sadness,
But in peace and apathy.
Can you see the direction
To which I am speeding?
Downwards and downwards
From the top to the bottom,
Making one more descent
One last great spiraling fall.
Animal instincts grab the wheel;
Human mind gives it up.
One side knows it’s pointless;
The brakes are far past broken;
He made sure of that himself
To lose all that restrains him.
The other is quite determined,
Not developed to ever let go,
Ignorant to the obvious
That it is stuck on this ride.
Let body try one more time
To gain control over situation
As faster and faster we drop.
The smell of the breeze
Tickles beneath my nose,
Bringing with it the tastes
Of wild flowers and tar.
The sound of screams flying
Behind me like a regal cape,
Fluttering in the rapid wind.
Slowly lifting from the ground,
Hovering over mortal roads.
Eyes shut tight, so not to know
Where the fates guide us.
Back up to heaven
Or down to hell
Feb 4, 2012
Feb 4, 2012 at 7:49 PM UTC