Run aground
play real foul
you say I'm the ***** dame
beneath your ***** scowl
Oh, a soldier of fortune you are not
Oh, the circles you swim
to believe anything
make icy waters
boiling hot
Oh, you like to say you're in the know
a little girl in a grown man's closet
waiting for the sun to get low
you might say you're superstitions
but you never learned the mythos
Halloween is over,
Now go on home and
rattle your bones and tell Teddy
why you sleep alone
Lie alone with your lies, child
The audience is gone
Give yourself whatever performance you need
to explain away all your misdeeds, but
9/10 lifeboats can't be wrong
(maybe you stared too long)
You say I am the morning
I might just be just your morning
But even if it's what you don't like
I will always be his night.
Jan 30, 2021
Jan 30, 2021 at 9:13 AM UTC
I’m going sideways
break like a wave
listing scribble
on the depth of
your page.
Our love is a stage
1,000 words
1,000 days
1,000 monkeys
1,000 typewriters writing our play
we'll recite ‘till the day
you split
and quit
and leave me here to break.
I’m listing
sideways
drifting
sideways.
Turn off the lights.
Lock up for the night.
Leave me here.
I’ll be missing
you
just drifting
sideways.
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 4:51 AM UTC
Live in the wind
Spin
Sing
Many
Pieces and one great thing
Open wide sliced
Quite
Thin
Here before you
Forever unseen
Singing all day but
You haven’t heard
Anything
I’ve told you my secrets
I’ve shown you my heart
Surrounded—
All around you—
Look what I’ve found
And I’ve found you.
Unseen here
Unheard, too.
Secrets sound like gentle rustling
All you claim but
You see nothing
Just a
Thing
Like any other
Means you won’t
See
How lonely you’ve
Made me.
Feb 24, 2020
Feb 24, 2020 at 9:02 PM UTC
That vulnerable place in you? When you’re cracked wide open, that tiny thin trembling part of you? You take your instrument of art and pull it across that part of you, like a bow on a violin string, and it sings.
Feb 11, 2020
Feb 11, 2020 at 11:51 PM UTC
Here you are
*******
water ways
you reached the gate
but broken strings
and boken wings
left no coins upon your eyes.
Oh I'm sure you're not
to blame.
I'm sure you'll say
you're not to blame.
Can holes break
like hearts
or are you just
the waves
swerving
moving
claiming mysteries of
the moon
but predictable
in patterns
with fits
not far apart;
your spill fills
holes
but do they break
like hearts?
Or are you here
to pull him down
sailors sail but
sailors also drown.
You feel so low
so you pull them down.
No rest for the wicked, so
no rest for the rest
I know you say
you tried your best
But even the river
moves on
in the end.
Sucker hole
stuck at the gate.
Now unpaid
blank eyes
always.
The cost of the world you alienate
is now you're gone;
just wakes of hate.
no one cares to pay
your toll.
No rest for the wicked, so
no rest for the rest
I know you say
you tried your best
But even the river
moves on
in the end.
Even the river moves
on.
Jan 8, 2020
Jan 8, 2020 at 2:21 AM UTC
It Was the Wind. I.
It was the wind
That comes through me
1,000 songs of voices singing
penetrating to
my bones
incomprehensible
stories
all electricity
and fire
and I could ride you
blind
through miles of time
never truly knowing
the words with which
to make you known to me
but we I feel
though not I see
It was the wind
That wore a
whole in me.
It Was the Wind. II.
It was the wind
ceaseless howling
a never ending
cacophony
of sad stories
and the unreasonable
wear
of time
blowing deep
sanding down my memories
where-ing away my
mind
everything gives
to the wind
find me here
If the wind hasn’t
yet picked
me
clean.
It Was the Wind. III.
. . . it was the wind.
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 18, 2019 at 6:54 AM UTC
I’m fine
is what you start to say
when you’re not, but
you’re sick of not
fine
And you
don’t want to be
a
downer
And you’re
sick
of having
to accept
advice
like
you just haven’t
thought
to bother to try everything
yet.
to
be
fine.
And you’re sick
of explaining
every excruciating
detail
of your history
and meds
and procedures
and life method
like you’re defending your
right
to make your own decisions
like you’re defending
that it’s not just
‘YOUR FAULT’
that you’re sick, it
must be
YOUR FAULT
Hey —
Have you tried: ?
you must not have thought of that
yet.
I’m fine
is because you need me to be
Because I am
TOO SICK
ALL THE TIME
to deal with
your hurt feelings
when you can’t
fix
me.
I’m fine <u>for you</u>
So I don’t hurt your feelings by
my feelings getting hurt when
I can’t just me honest that
I. AM. NOT. FINE.
without that being
a crisis
for you.
Without you needing to come up
with a solution right then and
there to make me all better like
I don’t know how to
eat veggies
exercise
[not **** myself]
try CBD
meditate
take time to cry
get rest
drink more tea
[not **** myself]
stretch
--hey, have you
tried CBD?
it works for me.
And I –
don’t want to be rude.
And I –
hey, I’m here for
you
So instead of being who I am
and owning my try, but
getting snippy when you’ve
beat me with your
good intentions
and then
feeling guilty and attacked
and needing to take MORE time
to cry –
I –
I’m fine.
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 18, 2019 at 6:46 AM UTC
I’m still the desert inside
deep beat
be still
rest in reason
deep life in the dry
When I catch the breath of the storm
I rise
Ride high on the wings of the wind
my sky
I’m still the desert inside
Jun 1, 2019
Jun 1, 2019 at 9:12 PM UTC
And then I wrote this one about my grandmothers and not knowing one of them-
Born a ghost
Born of ghost
Born to know
The inheritance
Of holes
In borne shone there
Where the emptiness
Grows
You made me,
Borne in wanting
Waiting
For magic
So Ill defined it can’t be known
Magic
Made
In river dirt and rocks and
Loneliness
Me
Child of the void
In you
In
finite
Trapped
But ever expanding celestial
To what I can never know,
Never understand
But know
That I am missing
Lesser
Wanting
Unbroken but not whole just—
holey.
Here, I cling
To rafts made
Lashed together of rituals fragmented by time
And space
And here on the ocean,
Stormy seas
I’ll wash swept
Slung to symbolism crashing on the rocks,
Weathered
And is it my solid bits, buoyant with ********
That keeps me afloat
Or the hole
That is home in me.
But then again—ghosts don’t drown
I was born dead at sea.
May 21, 2019
May 21, 2019 at 3:52 AM UTC
I.
When I had to leave, I think
I must have hidden you
I grabbed you up
Put you somewhere safe
Pulled you from me
Into a box, gently
Opening up the walls of myself,
My old house
I might return to
And I placed you inside and
Gently
Sealed up my walls around you
Like gum
Or snow
Or sand
She seals you
And left you there to find again one day
. . .
II.
Pulling down cobwebs
Through the ghost town of me
Don’t wake her
She’s still asleep
I know where to dig
Delicately
Groping down
Like a survivor
Returning to their old home
Shake my bones
And retrieve you deep
From the heart of me
Where I always knew you’d be
May 21, 2019
May 21, 2019 at 3:47 AM UTC