***** mixed with lemonade
Now take away the lemonade
And pour it bottle after bottle
Destroying the mind of a ten year old.
Pills and pills and pills and pills
Never check the label.
Never worry about the danger.
Mix in a past as bitter as that lemonade
Because Mom was too busy getting choked to remember the sugar.
She’s just as bad as me sometimes.
Too many wishes
Not enough miracles to go around.
A shadow of a man
Except bigger and scarier
Paint a smile on his face and call him dad
But I’ll never forget what he did behind closed doors.
Or- maybe I will
Because I just can’t seem to recall when Or where
Or why
Or how
Or what he was wearing that night.
His fingers will never leave my mind
That just isn’t enough to believe me though.
Six? Seven? Eight?
The pictures weren’t enough
So that man will walk free.
Now that this small list
Has become a never ending trap
I will end here
Because I can’t remember where I put my pen.
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 9:49 PM UTC
One day your memory
Will be so distant
That I’ll have to reach and reach
To picture your face.
That thought used to terrify me
And now it gives me peace
When I can’t sleep at night.
Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 9:08 PM UTC
“I’ll make you remember what pain feels like”
I told you
As you looked at the stars above us.
“Maybe that’s what I need”
You replied,
“A reason to feel again”
Dec 24, 2017
Dec 24, 2017 at 10:55 PM UTC
I kissed you goodbye
In the cold night.
You smiled
Because you thought
That I was yours again tomorrow
And all the days after.
Silly girl,
I belong to no one.
I will disappear tonight
And you will remember me as cold
Like the winter snow.
Every December
I will creep into your pretty mind.
Believe me darling
I wish I could stay.
Oct 15, 2017
Oct 15, 2017 at 1:15 AM UTC
You ask me where I’ve been
And the words I say aren’t the ones I meant to.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
How could I have admitted that my mind is a hell?
How else would I make you understand that I could hurt anyone else but you?
I’m saving you.
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 8:26 PM UTC
Soon the world will end
Because humans always break
What you are given.
Soon everything will go dark,
And you still don’t believe me when I tell you
How much you mean to me.
As time slowly wastes away
I find myself melting into you
But I see now
You’re just trying to scoop me out.
How much time have I spent saying these words?
How much time do we have left?
I gave you my heart
And humans always break
What they are given.
Oct 9, 2017
Oct 9, 2017 at 9:15 PM UTC
“I love you,”
You whisper
As the conversation comes to a conclusion.
Remind me one more time
Before you leave again
Because the silence likes to whisper about you.
“She hates you.”
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 11:18 PM UTC
Something I have come to realize about myself,
Is that my skin becomes colorful
When I am truly alive.
I have grown weary of this pale white ,
I want the reds
The blues
The purples.
I want to feel blood pumping,
And hear my heart beating.
I want to live again,
So that I will do.
Sep 28, 2017
Sep 28, 2017 at 11:23 PM UTC
I will never admit what you’ve done to me.
I will never speak of the nights I’ve spent,
In front of the mirror
Asking myself why I had to live in this horrible body.
I’ve lost count of how many times
I screamed at the top of my lungs
To make my voice louder than yours.
To make my voice just like yours.
Now my words sound just like yours.
“You’re my strong girl”
Hands on neck.
“Stupid *****
Glass broken.
“I love you”
Black eyes.
“You don’t know anything”
I saw it all.
I heard it all.
I felt it all.
Sep 23, 2017
Sep 23, 2017 at 9:33 PM UTC
"What was hell like"
The little girl asks me
With eyes full of innocence.
"Hell is growing up in a house that only taught hate,
But have hope darling
Because I've seen heaven.
Heaven was learning there is so much more."
Sep 16, 2017
Sep 16, 2017 at 9:16 PM UTC