No matter how hard I try, the monsters won't go away. While strangers just see the smile, and my friends see the pain, I see the ghost of 2 monsters I can never name, 2 monsters that gave me life, 2 monsters that ruined mine, 2 monsters that took the sky away, 2 monsters that still haunt me to this day. My friends tell me that the monsters are distant memories, distant nightmares that can't hurt me, but the monsters and the whispers just keep spreading through my brain, and the dark thoughts that tell me I'm the monsters I came from that I deserve to disappear keep spreading like a **** I feel like I'm drowning, hyper aware of everything, every look, every change in expression, the second I walk into a room. Do they see the monsters too? Or do they see the smile even tho they are pushing me so far past my breaking point? I'm so sick of this disguise, sick of smiling no matter how much I wanna break down, why do I smile? Why do I care if crying is overdramatic? They just told me they didn't mean it when they told me to go **** myself, they didn't mean it when they called me fat or ugly, or when they told me that I'll never see the sky again but that they know where it is, or when they told me I am the monsters I see in the mirror, like that's not triggering. All I can see is the darkness it's spreading. I feel like I'm drowning. All I wanna do is take the mirror and smash it, know it won't fix it, but I'm done pretending I'm fine when I'm not. I feel like I'm drowning. The monsters that made me are gone, but they took the most precious thing that I had known. I can't help but blame myself. I was supposed to protect it, but failed. Am I becoming the monster inside the mirror, the monsters that made me, the monsters that I keep trying to escape? all of these things that make me dangerous. I wanna scream, I wanna disappear, I wanna take my final stand and jump off the cliff, which is so high. I just wanna see the moon and the sky. I wanna be happy. I'm so sick and tired of being tired; my whole body hurts, and the monsters don't get the message. I've tried everything. I try starving them and carving them out with blades so sharp they could cut the sky itself, but all that happens is I start bleeding out.
Mar 26
Mar 26, 2026 at 2:16 PM UTC