I push you deep into my damaged heart
Trusting that you won't hurt me from inside
But you created chaos with a mixture
of silence and harsh words
My heart skips a beat
Between anticipation and anxiety
My eyes close tightly, begging for tears
But I couldn't cry anymore
All I can do is absorb the pain
with no way of letting it go
Instead I let it fuel a fake smile
And let it inspire a lie that it's okay
Feb 21, 2017
Feb 21, 2017 at 3:54 AM UTC
Wouldn't it be great if we spent our nights
Laying next to each other staring
Fascinated by each other's eyes
Wouldn't it be great if we spent our time
Talking about our individual lives
Wishing we'd experience it together
Wouldn't it be great if we spent our money
Travelling where ever holding
Each other's hand
Wouldn't it be great if we slept together
In the comfort and warmth
Of each other's arms
Wouldn't it be great if I get to witness
Your radiant smile on a daily basis
Only to reflect it
Wouldn't it be great if our lips met before
You or I leave for the day and after
We say our goodnights
Wouldn't it be great if we walked the streets
Side by side, fulfilled and content
With each other's company
Sadly our lives are not as great.
As if the world tries to pull us apart
Trying to poisoning our love with distance
But our lives are good
I know that even if we don't get to do these
These are things I got to experience with you
And that makes the struggle and the waiting
Worth more than anything I've ever encountered
Worth more than the fantasies
I am thankful for these moments no matter how rare
Satisfied with the memories that we both share
And I look forward to making more with you no matter how few
I know that whatever I do, whatever I choose,
Whatever struggle and whatever joy
I want to live to my life to the fullest with you.
Feb 8, 2017
Feb 8, 2017 at 10:15 AM UTC
Tuwing akoy tumutingala sa mga kumikislap na bituin,
Di ko mapigilang maalala ang kislap ng yong mga mata
Puno ng misteryo't mga tanong na di kelangang sagutin
Tinutuwid ang isip na di mapakali
Kinakalma ang pusong may giit sa mundo
At pinapabagal ang oras na basta bastang pinapalipas;
tila bawat segundo ay may tamis na inaalay.
Nagpapalasing sa ligaya habang binubulag ang sarili sa katotohanang 'di na 'yon mauulit
Sa katotohanang ito'y ala ala lamang.
Nagbabago ang aking pagkatao sa harap ng iyong muka
Napapamahal sa lahat ng mga bagay at pangyayaring nagpagtagpo sa atin. Lumalamig ang simoy ng hangin, di mapigilang pumikit at mabuhay sa nakaraang pagkakataon.
Maaabot lang pala ang langit sa gitna ng dalawang impyerno.
Mahal, maari ba muling magtagal sa iyong piling? Kahit isang ulit lang maipadama mo muli ang langit sa mundo. Nakalimutan ko na kasi ang tamis ng kaligayang idinulot ng pagmahal na galing sayo.
Feb 8, 2017
Feb 8, 2017 at 10:11 AM UTC
Muted by the silence that I chose
Paralyzed by the fear of acting for myself
Trapped in a cage of my creation
I die in every way I try to live
Pain made me numb
Being numb renders my emotions absent
Like a dog patiently waiting for his owner that died
Like a child without a home
Like a cigarette lit but not smoked
Like a star who's light could never reach our eyes
I feel like all these things
Sad, lonely, pointless and invisible
Like I've always been.
Like I'll always be.
Oct 31, 2016
Oct 31, 2016 at 8:49 AM UTC
I could close my eyes
to see yours staring at mine
I could cover my ears
To hear your voice stating your lines
I could purse my lips
To feel your kiss once more
I could cross my arms
To have you between them like before
I could frown my face
To see your radiant smile
I could stay alone
To be with you once in a while
My memories of you
Keep me up at night
And I want to live in them
If it's quite alright
Oct 31, 2016
Oct 31, 2016 at 8:45 AM UTC
I found that we were similar about one particular thing: blaming ourselves for whatever happened between us. We had enough questions to keep our minds awake through these lonesome nights, enough guilt to keep ourselves silenced as if we've lost the right to our own voices, and enough pride to render our apologies useless like bullets meant to bring about change buried beneath the ground for safety. As if our apologies could harm anything other than our own ego that we mistakenly treasured instead of each other.
Or is it just me?
Am I tugging on a rope tied to a tree believing that the both of us create this tension but in truth is it just me? Did you simply let go? Do these words even reach you? Did my tears ever touch you? Does any of this even matter to you? You respond with silence from which I can draw indifference. You smile and I see right through it. I can't believe it. Never have I hated that smile until you faked it..just to pretend you're okay with this.
Or is it just me again?
Is that a legitimate smile? Are you genuinely happy now? Have you really gotten over everything? You say that you're okay with a smile like it's real. Maybe I just can't accept that that's how you feel. Because if I did, I'd have to face that pain. I'd have to close my eyes to hold the tears back, fake a smile, lie you one last time and say: I'm okay too.
I guess it IS just me.
Of all the months I've spent thinking about you, dreaming about the joyful moments we've spent and mourning our love's death. Of all the the futile attempts of reaching you being met with disappointments. I've come to a conclusion; I am no longer in love with you, I am simply hanging on to severely beautified memories that my mind has created in order to compensate for the chronic dullness of my heart and to save myself from the creeping loneliness that grows larger each day. To put it simply, I am in love with an idea.
It IS just me.
Jul 29, 2016
Jul 29, 2016 at 1:23 AM UTC
She is a flower that blooms
Way beyond my reach
And I've built ladders
Out of the broken pieces of me
Hoping I could reach high enough
Not to pick her but to simply admire
How beautiful she could make the world
By simply existing within my grasp
Jul 17, 2016
Jul 17, 2016 at 3:21 AM UTC
Between the raindrops
I loved a girl that belonged
To a sunny day
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 12:59 AM UTC
Forgive me for I
Prefer solitude over
Your companionship
May 22, 2016
May 22, 2016 at 11:55 AM UTC
In a room dimly lit by the crescent moon of December; we laid there under the sheets keeping each other warm. Her face was vague yet her radiant beauty blinded my eyes with such clarity of her mesmerizing presence.
I stared into those curious eyes and saw myself in them. I was consumed and in love with the overwhelming energy of appreciation of being with her. I wanted to thank the universe despite the reality that this was non-intentional. I felt non-existential yet for the first time in my life I felt like a being that was meant to exist at that moment.
With her warm body around my arms I felt my soul reaching out to the one next to me. As she held me tight, the most comforting affirmation of mutual love overwhelmed me with joy and I sincerely wished it would never end. It never did end, for that memory lives with me and will live with me for as long as I am able to recall.
Never have I felt such passion, and I doubt I ever will. Forever will I look back to that beautiful December night, cold and warm, alone and together, emptied yet overwhelmed. With such magnificent contrast and balance, it was the only moment I was ever complete.
May 22, 2016
May 22, 2016 at 9:28 AM UTC