One year. It felt like a cloudy night sky.
Nothing. Darkness, suffocating, painful darkness.
And then, occasionally, there were fireworks.
Moments of joy that last for seconds, until they fade away.
I’ve been trudging through this darkness
With no progress, no developments
Beyond who I am inside.
But the world doesn’t stop turning.
I still feel inadequate and talentless.
I still feel like an empty void
That has it together well enough that no one would look inside.
But I’m about to tear apart.
I need to do something!
I can’t be a parasite.
But there’s nothing I can do.
I feel so wrong.
Help me so I don’t need help.
May 18, 2020
May 18, 2020 at 4:54 PM UTC
I'm losing touch.
I'm drifting away, never to return.
I can barely fight, my courage,
Vanished, vainquished, lost in pain.
How must I get to what I desire
When I can't even feel myself breathing?
How must I show competence
In anything, with this pain imprisoning me?
Free me from this husk,
And bring me to life.
Nov 9, 2019
Nov 9, 2019 at 7:55 AM UTC
I'm falling through the atmosphere,
Burning up, scorching my skin
Unstoppable, to my own demise.
But is it really death to be free?
Stuck between gravity and a hard place
I let go, and flare up majestically.
I'd rather be a shooting star
Ephemeral and destructive
Than a prisoner of my own fate.
I'm dropping down, and out.
Nov 5, 2019
Nov 5, 2019 at 3:04 AM UTC
Am I really where I want to be?
Is this the path I chose, or the safest I picked?
Is there truly a prize at the end of this road?
And if there is, can I reach it wholeheartedly?
There is like a wall between me and those around me.
I don’t belong; I’m missing something.
I don’t have that unyielding passion.
I am bothered by too many things.
So I should just run away!
Run towards my goal, ***** the beaten path!
The scream of my soul will drown out the hardships!
This! Is! Who! I! Am!
If only it were that easy…
Sep 25, 2019
Sep 25, 2019 at 9:04 AM UTC
I once was laying in fields of verdant grass
Relaxing, feeling the wind caressing my face.
There, a sparrow flew by
Agile in this shining morning sky.
As it flew to its peaceful nest
Did it ask itself, “is this how I must?”
As this fleeting moment came to an end,
The sparrow flew away, far from me.
Now that I have lost it,
I wonder where it’s gone, and where it’s been,
And if I’ll ever see it again,
Bringing with it those moments of peace.
Sep 16, 2019
Sep 16, 2019 at 6:15 AM UTC
My body is a temple
To which I’ve lost the key.
Everyone thinks its outside is wonderful
But I, inside, see how vile it is.
It’s easy to judge beauty
When you’re beholding, and not being.
I feel trapped inside a giant of stone
Unwavering and unbearable.
I want to be vulnerable.
To feel pain, joy, and sorrow.
So why, why?
Why must I remain in this stoic prison?
Sep 12, 2019
Sep 12, 2019 at 12:50 PM UTC
How can I explain such a thing as
The other “me” that exists within?
How am I supposed to explain
This forbidden feeling, deep in my chest?
I’m not straightforward, I’m really not.
I appear as such, but I really am
A curved road full of twists and turns.
That’s something I never could dare to admit.
I only feel safe among my friends.
I’m not all that surprised, but
How can I possibly say to them
That they’ve lived with someone who isn’t honest?
Honest with them, or with myself.
Jul 27, 2019
Jul 27, 2019 at 6:05 PM UTC
This year, I met warmth and strength incarnate.
A comet speeding by me, lit up in fire and light,
An astral, luminous heroine… a star, and in more ways than one.
She is a lioness. There’s no matching her energy and kindness.
I may have fallen in love with the sun,
But that doesn’t diminish its radiance.
This honesty, this aura of unbridled joy…
That is what drew me to you.
So shine on, my dear!
Keep laughing in the face of limits and inhibitions.
Break out of this dull world, and do it all with a smile,
As that is just the way you are.
Jul 26, 2019
Jul 26, 2019 at 4:46 AM UTC
The distortion in the mirror
Showed a new facet of me
Who would’ve known this program I looked down on
Would reveal my darkest fantasy?
I’d made peace with the fact I’d never
Became who I always admired.
But even though it was a mere simulation
The possibilities gave me vertigo.
I’ve been given a whole new meaning
To “loving yourself”.
Jul 9, 2019
Jul 9, 2019 at 8:48 AM UTC
Break free from the binds of expectations
And the chains of criticism.
Tear off the blindfold you tied around yourself
And take in the light of truth.
Spread your wings of freedom
But don’t fly too close to the sun.
Realize that this is how we’re meant to be
And bask in the liberty you always had.
Jul 6, 2019
Jul 6, 2019 at 8:26 AM UTC