I was alone all my life
For a brief moment I thought I wasn't...
But that disappeared swiftly
And hit me harder than anything before...
It feels as if my soul is gone
I lost it with all my feelings...
I need to find it...
I'm slowly dying without it
But where to look?
Under the table? Behind the bed?
Maybe I need to go on journey?
Travel throughout the world
Seek something that cannot be found
Do you know how it looks like?
How it feels like?
Even I don't know how to find myself
So how can somebody help?
I'm all alone on this quest...
Will I find it or will I die trying?
Jan 2, 2018
Jan 2, 2018 at 8:10 AM UTC
Heart gets slowly consumed by darkness
Tears roll down red cheeks
Shaking hands hold deadly knife
asking whether to **** or not
to believe in god or to be empty till the end
Maybe it is god punishing me for all my sins
For all these years of denying his existance
Maybe I should go back to him and tell that he destroyed me
That I no longer had reasons to live
There is another sleepless night
chased out by recurring nightmares...
Will this night end?
Will my loneliness end?
Dec 2, 2017
Dec 2, 2017 at 1:35 PM UTC
It's good to be home
But what exactly is home?
Just a building?
Or is it love that makes it home?
Have I become homeless while having a house?
I always felt that my home was between her two arms
So fragile yet strong
I could crush them, yet she was the strong one
Now with all my love gone
I live in a homeless house
While neverending battle between death and life is fought in my weak head
Walls once filled with her paintings
are now screaming with emptiness
I walk through corridor, I see memories
Times when we were dancing, laughing, kissing
Planing our kids, our future, our life
How can I live with you gone, my love?
Dec 1, 2017
Dec 1, 2017 at 9:06 AM UTC
I miss you
And you aren’t even gone yet
From experience
I know how this will end
One day you will find someone new
Meet someone prettier
You’ll slowly slip away
All while denying anything is wrong
When you look into her eyes
You will see a future
When you look in my eyes
You see lust and desire
There is no future for us here
So why do I let myself fall in love anyway?
Dec 1, 2017
Dec 1, 2017 at 8:29 AM UTC
Grey clouds are all over the horizon
Snowflakes fall slowly on everyone's coats
Hands start to be coldly numb
Wherever you look, you see freezing, red noses
Silent nights come faster
Surrounding me with pitch black darkness
I stand alone in this world of loneliness
I lay in bed brokenhearted
betrayal taste sour on my lips
Lips once kissed so sweetly
Now left alone to speak thoughtlessly
Screaming sadly "Love me! Kiss me!"
Snowflakes still fall all around me
So innocently white
They don't know love or misery
Just falling down with mission to cover whole world with white, cold coat
I want to ba a snowflake
Nov 30, 2017
Nov 30, 2017 at 11:11 AM UTC
Old stronghold is burning down like dry lone flower
Making all gods disappear
Nothing in this world can make them come back
as fairy kingdom doesn't exist anymore
Dread and misery melt together
Spreading throughout the world
while lone flower's still burning
Everything has its end
Life. Love. Happiness. Sadness.
It's getting darker than ever
No light's left in this world
Nobody will ever forgive us
We'll forever stay humanless souls
Nov 30, 2017
Nov 30, 2017 at 10:36 AM UTC
I pretend to love the cold
You have a point, I'm destroying my soul
I'm filled with despair
I pretend like I don't care
I feel every tear
I tell myself don't live in fear
Still I hear your voice telling me I will be "there"
Sometimes I want to disappear
My pain is near
My fire is inviting
I will grow my weakness each night
Don't underestimate my fight
Nov 30, 2017
Nov 30, 2017 at 9:05 AM UTC
How can someone miss somebody...
as much as I miss you?
How can someone want somebody's attention...
as much as I want yours?
How can someone want to see somebody's face...
as much as I want to see yours?
How can someone desire to hug somebody...
as much as I desire to hug you?
I've never dreamt of such a feeling
You are the one I truly love
You are the one I want the most
You are the one...
You've changed my life
Like nobody ever did, like nobody ever will
You've planted emotions again in me,
rescued old, dead feelings and showed me new ones
I LOVE YOU
Nov 29, 2017
Nov 29, 2017 at 2:57 PM UTC