His voice it says soothing things like
It’s going to be okay. You’re okay. It’ll be alright
His arms tighten around me and he hugged me close
His face lined with worry
His eyes filled with tears
All the while I’m telling him one of his fears
I’m saying I give up
I’m falling apart
My heart can’t take this
It’s falling apart
My life’s a mess so I’ll take this knife
And I’ll try my best to end my life
I know this isn’t right
I know this will hurt
But I can’t take this pressure
It’s too heavy on my heart and soul
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 1:49 AM UTC
Heavy eyelids and burned cigarettes,
No sleep
And poison in my veins
Pink lips and sunken eyes these days,
Self consious and bitterly depressed is my state of mind,
Fidgeting fingers and sweat glands,
My nervous outcome,
Love and happiness are things I crave,
But to you, this is all I am.
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 3:07 PM UTC
It's hard to describe, the way you make my stomach turn upside down
You lift me up into the sky, right on top of the brightest cloud
The things you say make me feel like your queen, even without the crown
With you in my team, nothing seems like a problem, nothing is to hard to deal
When I'm in pain, you seem the only one to understand, to heal
Maybe that is why you attract me, maybe that is why you make me feel the way I feel
Doubts and questions are messing with my mind, I was afraid didn't know what to do
Should I listen to my heart or to my mind, I didn't know what path I had to choose
I knew what's wrong and what's right, I realized I needed something fresh and new
The chance to experience something so pure and real, I just could not let that loose
I just can't wait for the day we meet, I'm like a little kids crying for some ice-cream
I know for sure things will work out fine because you and me together sounds divine
It doesn't matter how long I'll wait or what I have got to do, to realize this dream
Time is ticking, days are flying by, but I've got the will to wait till you'll be mine
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 12:32 AM UTC
Well, it's nice to finally meet you.
I've been waiting for your call.
I've noticed you've been crying,
And, I've watched you pace the halls.
Whatever has been hurting you,
I can make it disappear.
You know you have nothing to lose,
Nothing to live for, nothing to fear.
Thank you, for your invention.
I'll be sure not to leave your side.
We'll become very fast acquainted.
My naive child, there's no use trying to hide.
I should probably introduce myself.
I am your very own addiction.
But, you can not be angry with me.
I am you own self-conviction.
I bet you feel rather stupid,
Falling right into my lap.
I'm a master at manipulation.
You'll never escape my trap.
How does it feel to dance with the Devil?
For he and I are one in the same.
God, has completely abandoned you,
So, you might as well stay in the game.
Are you honestly going to try and beat me?
A useless battle if you want to know.
Go ahead and make an attempt.
Besides, I'm in the mood for a good show.
I guess, you think your special.
But, your sobriety has only lasted a year.
I'm still around every corner,
In the back of your mind
I'm your greatest fear.
I'll always be your ***** little secret.
I won't disappear over time.
Twenty years from now you may falter,
And, I'll be the first thing that comes to mind.
A vicious cycle, that's what your thinking,
But, I'm only speaking the truth.
I'm Satin's weapon of mass destruction.
The silent killer of America's youth.
It's genius when you think of it.
Everyone's looking for some Armageddon war.
But, what the fools don't realize,
Is everyday Armageddon walks through their front door
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 11:20 PM UTC
Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear 'normal'
In some sort of way.
It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be
I know there's been many
Who've had it worse than I
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say good-bye
People say I have a lot going for me
I'm sorry, but I just can't see
I can't see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.
Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I'm nothing if I'm not up or down
I'm nothing if just 'me.'
Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead.
Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It's hard to focus on the poor.
Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It's hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.
I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can't do anything right.
This is how I've felt my whole dang life
It didn't just start last night.
No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to 'sit tight.'
Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 9:07 PM UTC
That girl in your class
She laughs
She has a smile that lights up
An entire room.
That girl in your class,
She has great grades,
She doesn't even have to try.
That girl in your class,
She has seemingly amazing friends,
Who care about her.
That girl in your class,
She has scars,
Lines marking her body,
And friends that don't notice,
And some that don't care.
That girl in your class,
Doesn't remember
What's like to not cry,
She cries herself to sleep
Every night.
But hey, she smiles,
So she's okay.
Right?
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 9:05 PM UTC
It's a new day
But it's still gray
Nothing to awake for
Waking up is just a chore
Fear grips your stomach
And anger fills your mind
Tears stain your face
As you wonder where is my place
And blood drips down your arm
You've committed a "crime" called self harm
It's a mess to clean
A battle to be fought
But each day you wake up
With more scars on your wrist
Is another challenge beat
Your alive right?
As the day comes to a close
The pills beside your bed
Just begging you to choke them down
The knife held in your hand
Tempting you to bleed it out
The belt on your waist
Persuading you to cut off the toxic air
Forget all the pains but the one you create
Forget everything good or bad alike
***** society and its rules
You never have fit in
So let's take these things and have our end
Close your eyes tight
Say goodnight
And commit the best or worst act of your life
But before you do remember each life is special
Each deserves a fighting chance
Don't give up to early for you'll only regret
Chances that were left not taken
Secrets and pleasures never experienced
Yes it seems bad but then again
How could there be a rainbow with no rain?
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 4:14 PM UTC
he calls you
paperclip
not because you hold everyone together
when the wind tries so hard
to scatter souls
or because your eyes flash hints of silver
when you talk about your favorite song
or because your lip ring taints your kisses
metallic.
paperclip
because he can downsize you in an instant
replacing you with a version of yourself
that doesn’t weigh his pockets down
your body now too small to hold your essence
and a mouth that will only open wide enough
to swallow.
you are easily forgotten
but somehow always end up
attached to his keychain.
paperclip
because he can bend you to his will
and you don’t even notice
until everything else
begins falling out of your grasp.
every time he snaps you back into place
the world has only changed
but a fraction of a centimeter
and you’re used to measuring your life in kilometers.
paperclip
because he is a staple
leaving puncture wounds in everything he touches
a few drops of blood in every corner of your mind
and when you learn how to extract him from your heart
no goodbye is successful enough to patch
permanent holes you fold yourself in upon
and pretend not to notice.
to this day,
that chapter of your life remains dog-eared
and you wonder
why you still have trouble
picking locks.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 4:04 PM UTC
Cigar cutter arms
Reaching, ever reaching
But are they mine
Or yours?
There’s nothing to do
There’s nothing I can do
Just leave me to myself
He emotes so hard
It’s so hard to emote
Slammed doors
Shut mind
Heavy with pain
In his knees
In his brain
Pulls him under
Waves crashing, crunching
My body
Keeps getting thinner
He holds my head under
He is a strong swimmer
I attempt to align my aches with his
For every one of his nightmares
I have a memory
For every panic attack
A physical assault
I consider propping up his bruises with my scars
We could build a church
Or a bar
Structured out of bullet holes
Supported by columns of razor burns
I buy a plane ticket instead
I build wings from all my tickets
I build a house, a home, a car, a manicured lawn
A husband, 2.4 kids, a dog, memberships with Al-Anon
And yet I still have leftovers
To share
With all the angels of this city
But oh, what a pity
That audacity
Is not the same as love
Diseased pigeons don’t count as doves
He said,
“Baby, it’s all in your head”
I said,
“Yeah, well, that’s what I’m afraid of.”
I am a runaway woman-girl on the loose
Dodge bullets, dodge compliments
Slide out of my noose
There’s nothing I can’t do
I’ll just leave you to yourself
I’ll just leave you
I am notorious
Notoriously hard to get
I will always be the girl who finds a way
The woman who gets her way
The one who got away
Just in time
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 10:38 PM UTC
Pinstripe Suit
When I'm an old lunatic I shall wear a black and white pinstriped suit
I'm trapped inside the prison walls
That used to be my mind
The wallowing woman that I used to be
Has long been left behind
There are times I'm quite alert
My memory’s still intact
Then there are days when I shall disappear
And no it’s not an act
With an anesthetic air to it
The squeaky doors
My mind flows like a never ending pit
And creaky carpet bare floors
The halls as silent as a morgue
Pill meals to which I never want
They're like a cardboard box that kicks you numb
My old memories still do haunt
Blindly walking the paths laid out for me
When I'm old I shall be completely crazy
I'll scream and shout loudly to make sure you hear me clearly
I'll ramble on and on about my past times
When suddenly I am old and start to wear black and white pinstriped suits
Jan 16, 2015
Jan 16, 2015 at 10:56 PM UTC