If you want to stop the hurt
Build me fire so that I can burn
Place it by your wide gulf
Protect me from the wind's cold
Talk to me some more
In this warm, warm shore
Let me hear your melodies
Your company is my remedy
Jun 22, 2016
Jun 22, 2016 at 1:39 AM UTC
Sobriety is what keeps me tethered
That which forces to remember
Lost causes covered in failed attempts
At this life, at my life
While inhaling to forget
High above reality
Living each day by a dime
Until life is but a suggestion
And I'm back to where I started
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 12:01 PM UTC
Victor stumbles into the room faster than
his mind has time to assess what had just occurred.
Sweat drips down his face as he pants heavily,
trying desperately to catch his breath.
It's vacant. Good.
He’s asking too much of his left hand
as it holds the Astra 600 semi-automatic pistol
given to him by his father,
but also attempts to stop the bleeding
from his lower abdomen.
His grip of the weapon loosens;
soaked with so much of his own blood
that he could taste the metal.
Never use it unless you’re dead, his father would always say.
Right palm open on his chest, he begs his spirit
for a sliver of peace, waiting for his
heart and mind to see eye to eye one last time.
He takes a moment to survey the room;
the wallpaper, once bright, symmetrical and gracious,
is now torn, revealing the ugly foundation underneath;
a frame-less door hangs on a corner of a wall,
ironically leading nowhere.
His eyes turn to the center of the room;
a chair, made with traces of oak
and other synthesized material,
sits at the center.
Victor's pistol slips from his hand,
and he uses the energy he has left
to drag his feet, each step harder than the last,
to take his seat.
The chair is positioned
to give the sitter the best view
through wrecked windows,
but the real show was about to begin.
“Sam. Sam I am”, Victor begins to mutter under his breath.
“I do not like… them. Sam, I am. I do not like… green eggs…”
He pauses.
“This is the beginning of the end”, he says.
His mind wanders, and then begins to project images
of a life, once colorful, beautiful and happy,
now unrecognizable, yet familiar.
The show starts;
he was knee high, playing with the neighbor’s Jack Russell Terrier
for days on end, only to be told he wouldn’t see the dog again.
He was sick, and had to be put down.
When he asked his father what that meant,
*“He'll suffer if we do nothing, Victor.
Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind."*
Another scene plays;
A young adult, taking an English literature course,
decides to study The Importance of Being Earnest,
a tale where individuals use different personalities to
escape social obligations, thus wearing masks of sorts.
*It's ironic that Oscar Wilde was hiding his true self
when he wrote that garbage*, Victor thought to himself,
now chuckling at the thought.
What was it he once said?
I can resist anything, but temptation.
And another scene;
the woman he spilled coffee on
the first time he met her
was now saying “I do”,
feeding him a slice of their wedding cake.
It tasted bittersweet.
Nothing lasts. Couples fight.
An unstoppable force opposes an immovable object.
I always lie is something
Victor would yell at her in a passive aggressive manner,
but was he being truthful?
"I do not like… them. Sam, I am. I do not like… green eggs, and… ham."
Green Eggs and Ham.
His daughter’s favorite book.
My daughter... my baby girl, Victor wept.
Her life was taken
the day after he read her Dr. Seuss,
unknowingly for the last time.
It took him three agonizing years
but he finally found the monster responsible
for taking her life;
until five minutes ago,
that man was living a floor below the apartment
that Victor is now dying in.
Seconds before the skirmish,
Victor vaguely remembers the murderer
shouting something to the effect of,
"Leave me alone! I'm nobody!"
He was neither right, nor wrong.
Victor's 9x19mm parabellum+ slugs
pierced the murderer’s chest and neck,
but that man fired first with his
long-range carbine rifle;
it was the ricochet
of his 5.56x45mm round
that ultimately did Victor in,
striking his abdomen from behind, with the bullet
traveling through and through
and the residual shrapnel
poisoning his blood.
Victor killed a murderer,
and narrowly escaped death, only to die.
He leaves this world believing
that life in and of itself is a contradiction
full of negations, deceit, and divisions by zero.
To honor life, he chose to ****
revenge in the name of harmony.
Never use it unless you’re dead, his father would always say.
His father would be proud.
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 11:31 AM UTC
Un rencor que no es nuestro
Un odio viejo
Delicado es el lazo
Entre hermanos
Un moreton
Una ambulancia
Yo de ti ya me olvide
Por un odio que no empese
Mi familia yo perdi
Por algo de que nunca fui
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 11:27 AM UTC
but the questions kept coming.
do you love him?
do you love him?
and all of a sudden my eyes couldn't speak.
from one day to another i wasn't sure if my heart wanted to love you anymore.
I look at the boxes of letters I sent to you and the empty ones I kept just in case you missed me so much you had to write me back.
these boxes they haunt me, because they could have been full of the words you'd wished you'd spoken but never did.
but they stay empty till this day, proving once more that your love was nothing but artificial and that when you finished emptying out your boxes into mine there was no use for me anymore.
"this will not end in heart break" you said to me as you entered my soul and stole all that had meaning.
now I'm a wandering crow, soulless and hungry.
haven't you heard? when you feed a bird just once, they'll always come back for more.
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 11:20 AM UTC
Anxiety is;
reflecting on the present on a daily basis
Anxiety is;
regretting the future before it has come
Anxiety is;
cleaning your already clean room
Anxiety is;
dreading each step outside your door
Anxiety is;
Hiding from the unknown
Anxiety is;
Taking comfort on routine
Anxiety is;
Living each day in fear
Anxiety is not;
a normal thing to be
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 11:13 AM UTC
fading in
fading out
this feverish haze
is beginning to make haste
no more please i beg
this is more than i can bear
falling now
to the unknown
just what does it take
for you to let go
you pull me right
you pull me left
all i want is to walk straight
to live a live of my own
to a place you can't take me from
I'm tired now
my all hurts
i fear there is nothing left
my visions are gone
there's nothing left
distant memories
gone with the wind
ambitions that i never lived
you held me back just enough
to fell the warm that i could of have
no more
i beg of you
let me leave
let me live
i can't always be here
i know you fear for your baby girl
but I'm not the baby i was before
I'm broken
I'm hurt
cant you see?
I've become everything i never wanted to be
let me go
I need to breath
let me live
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 11:27 AM UTC
Sweet little thing
How nice it must be
To not know a thing
Of how you came to be
Sweet little darling
Innocent and naive
For you we fought
To see you live
Two years now
How much you have grown
From a small potato
To a pumpkin
You are growing
To fast to keep up
Breaking our hearts
A little at a time
My sweet little darling
Is not so little any more
He is growing now
Growing strong
My sweet little boy
So tall and so strong
I fear the day
You leave home
I'm growing old to old to follow
But there is still a long road ahead
There is still time
Until morrow
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 11:06 AM UTC
i may have never been good enough for you,
but i sure as hell will be good enough for myself.
never again will i let anyone eradicate my self confidence
right before my very eyes
and never again will i succumb to trying to living up to anyone's standards besides my own.
especially to that of a boy.
i can't make your body ache to intertwine with mine,
neither can i be your muse,
and neither can i make your heart go into cut time every time i'm near.
but the good thing is,
it doesn't matter.
you can't force pieces that don't fit
and you just can't force feelings that aren't there.
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 7:54 AM UTC
the wonder of the night is such a sight to see
stars up in the sky as clear as can be.
moonlight shining brightly all across the sand
like a great big lighthouse lighting up the land.
breeze is blowing gently all along the shore
such a lovely feeling something i adore.
a perfect little picture so peaceful and so calm
the wonder of the night filled with so much charm
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 7:49 AM UTC