Come touch my soul
Cut me open
Break my ribs with your bare hands
Pure strength
Hold my heart
Feel it pulsing, beating, in your hands
Feel the blood trickle past your fingers
Do you like the way my eyes stare up at you?
My blue and lifeless eyes
The windows into my mind
Do you feel better now?
You finally have all my heart
But look what you had to do
Keep it forever
Leave me here to rot
Leave me here to become one with the earth
I dont need my heart anymore.
I hope you’re satisfied with me now
I’m the perfect dead girl
I’m your perfect dead girl
Oct 19, 2018
Oct 19, 2018 at 9:34 AM UTC
You can leave the life
But the life wont leave you
Its talons are hooked into your chest
You’re reminded of the pain
Every-time you breathe
And i know it hurts
Youre scared.
That life you left behind
That you clawed your way out of
You dont want to fall back in
I tell you that you never talk to me
But the more i sit here and think
The more i realize that you did
But my ears were closed
Only wanting to open if you were blunt
But thats not you and ive been so deaf
Your wounds were never hidden
Your scars never covered up
I see it now
How can i not?
Im quick to jump
and quick to push away
And i never once thought to just keep my feet on the ground
To just hold tight to what ive had
In a perfect world i’d have thought
In a perfect world you wouldnt know the pain
That comes with an empty stomach.
And you wouldnt be craving the thing thats going to destroy us
But im your rock.
Your reason for living
And i meant it when i said i shouldnt be
I shouldnt be
Im on my own downward spiral
What if i cant hold us both up?
Were going through our own same ****
Breaking our bones to try
And fit in the boxes we made for each other.
Everything i said was the truth
My love for you is unlike any other
Im breaking my bones with a smile on my face
And tears in my eyes
We have to break to get stronger
To be better
And when i look up at you
I see the universe in your eyes
And i feel it deep in my soul
It surrounds us
Swirling around our bodies
Like nicotine smoke
when the sun is sleeping
I feel the pain in your marrow
I see it dripping out onto the floor
Nose bleeding and hands shaking
Ive been so focused on me
Me me me
Always me
Never you
And we have the same problem
Do you see it too
We cant escape
Promising to not hit each other
But look at us now
Bruises decorate our bodies
When i told you i liked it rough
I didn’t mean emotionally
And look at me now
Making it about me again
Maybe i wasnt there when they gave the lesson on how not to be a narcissist.
How not to be selfish
How to ******* open my ears and rip open my eyes
Its taken me such a long time to see your struggles and now that ive seen them
Im scared to leave you
Not walk away from you, from us
But the road im on has me walking towards death himself
And time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all
Ecclesiastes 9:11
If i died tomorrow how would you live?
I worry about that
Im not immortal
and im not going to make it into paradise
I hope you find peace within yourself
I hope you find comfort in my arms while it lasts
I told you last night to look at where you are now
No longer in the hood
No longer in the game
No longer with that pain
Look how far you come
You’re not alone anymore
You have us.
And were not going anywhere
I need you to remember that
When the pain comes back to haunt you
When i get mad and walk out of the room
When the memories flash across your eyes
Remember that.
Put your faith in my promises that i made you in the kitchen
Put your faith in those lyrics that you relate too so much
And when the day comes that my heart is no longer beating
Put your faith in my undying love and stay strong
Don’t fall back into that life you left
Don’t be scared.
I meant it when i said i’d never leave you.
Not even in death.
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
Stair sitting
Star gazing
Deep in thought
Galaxies in my eyes
Glass in my nose
Ill never stop loving the stars up above
Ill never stop loving the way it burns
Ive got angels in my veins
And demons in my soul
Im really not for one addiction
But the world is always spinning
So why cant i?
Its just a little i say
Its only for a day
Or 2 or 3
Maybe more
Its easy to walk away
But hard to stay gone
Im made from star dust and bad decisions
So when the devil himself comes in crystal disguise
Im pulled into it’s fiery hell once again
And god **** Does it feel so good
Im falling in love and i dont want to stop
Take my hand
Take my money
Lead me on the path to heaven
Lead me on the path of self destruction
Set my soul on fire
Send my mind racing
Ice cold thoughts
Climbing and diving on the monster
Only when i finally come down
Are there whispers in my ears
Is this really all worth it?
What if you die in the crash?
Bruised knees and scraped elbows
The whispers come back
Another question appears
What if the ride is worth it?
What if setting foot on the blatantly treacherous path is the best part?
What if the fun is in the climb?
Im drowning in the swamp of self pity
And sinking in the quicksand for a fractured psyche
But For the first time in a long time it all seems worth it
The stars have never looked as beautiful as they do
Than when im speeding through my thoughts
And ive never felt as close to heaven as i do
Than when im making love to the devil
I know i’m selling my soul.
Signing my death certificate
And i see his struggles,
The way it destroys him
But i cant bring myself to walk away from it
Not again.
Im hand in hand with my crystal clear knight
Married to the drug
Til death do us part.
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 9:36 AM UTC
Loyalty doesn’t run through our blood
No matter how many times i stick the needle in my arm
I’ll never be able to be loyal to you Mother.
I’m not the perfect daughter
That truth was sealed when you gave me up.
Now look at you.
Trying to come back.
Trying to act like you didnt miss your chance
That ship sailed when you broke my bones and when you tried to **** me
Im no longer a child but you dont even know it
Im my own woman and i didnt need you to find my way
So take your knives and your guns
Your opinions and your money and just go
Get out of my life.
Stay gone for good
I dont love you. I never did
How could i when you never took the time to actually be a mother.
Oct 15, 2018
Oct 15, 2018 at 2:30 PM UTC
Late nights and long drives
Youre my constant in this spinning rotating crazy world
Youre the poison that flows through my veins
Youre the sickness when i get too high
My one and only and you dont even know
Shooting stars and delayed wishes
Those are what keeps us bound together
Fate tangled up our lives
And she has trouble undoing the mess
Do you even realize?
That this crazy idea that we want this too last
Isnt just some puppy love dream?
Cant you see that when you look into my eyes?
Can you not see the universe inside them?
Do you slow down,
Letting yourself get lost in my very presence?
Does your heart not feel full of love?
And all those other sappy sticky feelings
When you look at me?
Because baby, i know mine does
And ill never be perfect in anybody elses eyes except yours
But your eyes are the only ones that matter
And god your eyes
The colors of the night sky when the moon is nowhere to be found
I could get lost in them
Can you not see how i look at you!?
How i feel about you?!
Were the same but were so different
And as i lay beside you
Listening to the sounds that the morning brings
I cant help but realize that the differences and similarities between us dont really matter
Because what matters is how i feel about you
And baby you know how i feel
And so does the rest of this world
I know my actions dont always show it
And i know i can do better
But youre still here
Relationships are a road full of potholes and speed bumps
And weve made it past the worst of them
I know that sorry is only good enough for board games and spilled milk
Not for broken hearts and shattered trust
If i could take it all back i would
If i could look into your eyes
Cut my heart out and let all of my emotions and regret
Out onto the floor then maybe its be enough
For you to forgive me even if youll never forget
And no matter the things that happen
No matter the nightmares that haunt me in my sleep
I hope youll continue to be by my side
Sticking to me like glue
Youre forever my constellation
The universe inside my very soul
And i can never be the same without you
How could i?
Ive been up in the stars for to long
And baby i dont want to come back down
Oct 15, 2018
Oct 15, 2018 at 11:26 AM UTC
Like a shooting star
Soaring across the black sky
And falling to Earth.
you saw me.
you actually saw me.
you helped me up
you dusted off my past
and you took my hand,
you took my hand
and showed me the world.
The world that I had seen a million times
Yet, this time was different
This time you slowed me down.
Taking me at a slower pace
Than what I had been used to
Stopping to let me rest
To let me take in the beauty
Of watching the sunrise on top the mountains
To lay with me underneath the stars
Reminiscing with me about how grand they are
You listened as I told you stories
Stories about how I got here
About how amazing the universe is
How I miss it
How this isn’t home.
You promised me you would take me back
Back home to my place among the stars
You promised me that once our journey on this earth
Was over
That I would be back home with you by my side
But I never once thought that I would have to complete this journey alone
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 10:03 AM UTC
I’ve been sitting here
Sitting here on this distant planet
For what seems like years
I ran away to get away from the dark.
Away from a broken heart
I’ve sat
And I’ve stared at the little dot every night
That little dot that I had once called Home
That no longer was Home in my heart
Then you appeared
A cluster of stars
Peeking out from behind the clouds
I wanted you
in that very moment
I needed you
This distant planet I sat upon knew
It Knew you were the one.
The one I needed to call Home
so it sent me off.
And I took flight once more
Soaring through the galaxies
Past the planets who nodded at me
They too knew
Knew that I was headed towards you
The cluster of stars.
When I arrived
It was unlike anything I had ever seen before
Your stars,
no longer a random cluster
they had a place
they had purpose
they had me mesmerized
when I met you I was reborn
reborn into a star
a star who’s only purpose was to be with you
to complete the cluster
the constellation
you became my favorite constellation
you ARE my favorite constellation
WE
Are my favorite constellation.
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 10:02 AM UTC
They want me to come to them,
they miss me they say,
they’ll take care of me they say.
These ghosts try to bribe me with empty promises and voided checks.
An illusion of happiness and peace
if i only give up the life i’m currently living
and return to God
They have no idea how ive changed.
How clearly i can see now.
Lady justice might be blind
but i dont have to be,
impartial justice doesnt exist with ghosts, never has and it never will.
These ghosts no longer talk to me,
i’ve strayed to far off the narrow road. Shunned for wanting to live a life that is my own,
for wanting to love someone who is apart of the world.
For so many things that i have done
and that i continue to do
and none of them are even evil!
Not to the living at least.
The memories of the years i devoted haunt me.
I had tried so hard,
so very very hard to prove my worth.
To show them i could be a loyal follower of christ as well,
the ghosts didnt care,
it didnt matter how much i was struggling,
how close to the edge i was,
the traumas ive been through.
I didnt pray enough,
i didnt throw my burden solely upon god,
i didnt go out and preach the word of god enough
Instead i had turned to the world for help,
i had turned towards people who’s job was to help me not want to die,
to help me work through my problems.
I had turned my back on the ghosts.
And every-time i had tried to return to them
they only made it harder for me to get into paradise.
And after all they had done,
after being labeled a deserter
and being shunned,
i still miss them.
I sometimes still wish i could go back
Making the choice to leave the organization easy.
Not returning to God is the hard part.
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 9:57 AM UTC
Its 11:20 at night
And youre gone.
Saying youre tired, i get it.
Long days are exhausting.
We know she lied
Angry at being rejected
Lying about **** that almost ruined us
I know she lied
But its 11:20 at night
And youre gone
i have this nagging feeling
Deep in my soul
A soft whisper that speaks to me
Tickling my ears,
My mind wonders what youre doing
Wandering through the wonders
This whispering nagging feeling wont go away
Watching you walk out the door
I was up in the clouds,
And yet i was still put on edge.
Nervous, worried, fearful
Now I’m up in my feelings
Its 11:25 at night
But youre at home asleep
That voice whispers again
It causes my feelings to burn in my throat
When i try to inhale and accept them
Im so high baby,
but its not the same without you.
And im so tired
But i cant sleep when youre not here.
If this is how you felt because of me
Then god i wish i could take it all back
I dont want these feelings anymore
Please god take them away
I love you so much
And i never realized just how much
Just how much i need you in my life.
It’s 11:30 at night and i need sleep
So ill end it with this,
I’m sorry for ever doubting your loyalty,
and
Thank you for caring like no one else
Has ever before
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 9:51 AM UTC