LonelyAngel - Hello Poetry

It doesn't feel real Life flickering by A overly excited candle flame eager to burn unaware of the pending darkness coming to sallow every inch of its beautiful light It still doesn't feel real The boy in my nightmares don't look like you but feels like you the same hands pining and pulling, chaining me to you forever forever your victim Same scent smothering me as I am begging for it to end It will never feel real There is no surviving it In the middle of the night you will feel his cold hands creeping around your waist slipping underneath you Leaving ghostly bruises Squeezing eyes shut reminding yourself he is not here You are safe But he is He's in your mind He made his home out of fear and insecurities Windows made from your tears Walls from the bruises kissing your skin You are his home now There is no life after this No white ******* knight No fucking hero No ******* sweet boy or girl that will come and build you back up. To make you whole again

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Aug 8, 2019

Aug 8, 2019 at 8:16 PM UTC

It doesn't feel real

It doesn't feel real Life flickering by A overly excited candle flame eager to burn unaware of the pending darkness coming to sallow every inch of its beautiful light It still doesn't feel real The boy in my nightmares don't look like you but feels like you the same hands pining and pulling, chaining me to you forever forever your victim Same scent smothering me as I am begging for it to end It will never feel real There is no surviving it In the middle of the night you will feel his cold hands creeping around your waist slipping underneath you Leaving ghostly bruises Squeezing eyes shut reminding yourself he is not here You are safe But he is He's in your mind He made his home out of fear and insecurities Windows made from your tears Walls from the bruises kissing your skin You are his home now There is no life after this No white ******* knight No fucking hero No ******* sweet boy or girl that will come and build you back up. To make you whole again

25

I love you I love your smile, I love your laugh, Your crazy hair, your wild eyes. I love the way the room shines to me when you appear To me you are everything. But you have a secret... Dark, hidden disguised by the things I love. You hold a love for something prevented and wrong A secret not made for my ears. But I love you But is it wrong to love a monster that can look at such things Such things that make my stomach churn and watery eyes leak. I love you but not your hidden mind filled with things I wish I knew not

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May 8, 2019

May 8, 2019 at 7:29 PM UTC

I love you

I love you I love your smile, I love your laugh, Your crazy hair, your wild eyes. I love the way the room shines to me when you appear To me you are everything. But you have a secret... Dark, hidden disguised by the things I love. You hold a love for something prevented and wrong A secret not made for my ears. But I love you But is it wrong to love a monster that can look at such things Such things that make my stomach churn and watery eyes leak. I love you but not your hidden mind filled with things I wish I knew not

14

Eyes open you are there, Eyes shut you are there, Yet you are not truly here. I feel your touch in the middle of the night. Your warm hand on my cold cheek in the middle of the pouring rain, Yet you are not here. Your voice echos in my head bouncing around my skull sounding as if you are here, yet it is silent nothing to be heard but the now terrifying voice of you. Your smell catches my attention everywhere I go, it follows every step I take and no matter how far I am it is there. Sending me back through memories I now wish did not exist. You are a ghost that will not leave me be. You haunt my life preventing me from being me. I just want to forget the heart breaking things you did, I wish to no longer flinch away from touch, I wish I could once eat the way I used to without feeling it burning back up, I wish to sleep for once and not be taunted, I wish there was a way to banish you from my mind. Like an exorcisms But for the living. Because I shall be forever haunted by you By us and what we used to be.

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Oct 2, 2017

Oct 2, 2017 at 6:10 PM UTC

Haunted

Eyes open you are there, Eyes shut you are there, Yet you are not truly here. I feel your touch in the middle of the night. Your warm hand on my cold cheek in the middle of the pouring rain, Yet you are not here. Your voice echos in my head bouncing around my skull sounding as if you are here, yet it is silent nothing to be heard but the now terrifying voice of you. Your smell catches my attention everywhere I go, it follows every step I take and no matter how far I am it is there. Sending me back through memories I now wish did not exist. You are a ghost that will not leave me be. You haunt my life preventing me from being me. I just want to forget the heart breaking things you did, I wish to no longer flinch away from touch, I wish I could once eat the way I used to without feeling it burning back up, I wish to sleep for once and not be taunted, I wish there was a way to banish you from my mind. Like an exorcisms But for the living. Because I shall be forever haunted by you By us and what we used to be.

20

I once roamed the night sky with my hopefully baby blue eyes. Now I stare at a dark, ceiling with hollow empty eyes. I'd laugh so hard headaches marched in and my eyes watered with love, now tears burn my red cheeks with migraines causing storms. I once danced so hard my feet ached for days now I can barely move from this dusty creaky chair hid away in this cluttered room. I could sing for days with a bold smile on my face, my voice is now only filled with empty pain or vicious rage. My dreams were full of delight and impossible wishes, Nightmares filled their place with pain and death I used to be as graceful and calm as a doe Now I m frantic and fearful like cornered orphaned cub who watched her mother die. My lungs used to fill with crisp clean air, now poison creeps into the darkest corners Cool, clear water refreshed my lips now I sip stale beer destroying my liver each time without a care The world was my play pit but now I am trapped inside these four walls ,which hold echos of who I used to be, they are now slowly closing in on me. I am paying the world back for all the things I did not do. I am trapped, there is no tunnel, no white, no door ,no way out. I have been embraced by the pain, engulfed in madness and submerged by anger. I once was loved, I once had a family This house was once a home filled with laughter it now taunts me with the shadows of the past.

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Apr 9, 2017

Apr 9, 2017 at 10:29 PM UTC

I once

I once roamed the night sky with my hopefully baby blue eyes. Now I stare at a dark, ceiling with hollow empty eyes. I'd laugh so hard headaches marched in and my eyes watered with love, now tears burn my red cheeks with migraines causing storms. I once danced so hard my feet ached for days now I can barely move from this dusty creaky chair hid away in this cluttered room. I could sing for days with a bold smile on my face, my voice is now only filled with empty pain or vicious rage. My dreams were full of delight and impossible wishes, Nightmares filled their place with pain and death I used to be as graceful and calm as a doe Now I m frantic and fearful like cornered orphaned cub who watched her mother die. My lungs used to fill with crisp clean air, now poison creeps into the darkest corners Cool, clear water refreshed my lips now I sip stale beer destroying my liver each time without a care The world was my play pit but now I am trapped inside these four walls ,which hold echos of who I used to be, they are now slowly closing in on me. I am paying the world back for all the things I did not do. I am trapped, there is no tunnel, no white, no door ,no way out. I have been embraced by the pain, engulfed in madness and submerged by anger. I once was loved, I once had a family This house was once a home filled with laughter it now taunts me with the shadows of the past.

17

I speak You yell I scream You force silence upon me I just want to be heard, is that too much to ask for? I want to change the world You want to sit on your hands and moan Oh I am so tired of this table tennis Red spots begin to appear and my hands shake Listen to me god **** it I am not stupid! What I say matters! Can you not see I do understand what you say You have taught me I do not matter What I say has no importance Yet I sit here trying my hardest not to break because all I want is for someone to listen Someone to not yell or beat down what I say You and many others have taught me that will never exists Not with me, not with them. Not even with those you think are more important than those you love. You have proved my point. A heavy sigh, a salty tear creasing red cheeks As us the struggling youth are taught even more by those we love we will never matter and we can do nothing to change that.

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Mar 31, 2017

Mar 31, 2017 at 6:52 PM UTC

Useless

I speak You yell I scream You force silence upon me I just want to be heard, is that too much to ask for? I want to change the world You want to sit on your hands and moan Oh I am so tired of this table tennis Red spots begin to appear and my hands shake Listen to me god **** it I am not stupid! What I say matters! Can you not see I do understand what you say You have taught me I do not matter What I say has no importance Yet I sit here trying my hardest not to break because all I want is for someone to listen Someone to not yell or beat down what I say You and many others have taught me that will never exists Not with me, not with them. Not even with those you think are more important than those you love. You have proved my point. A heavy sigh, a salty tear creasing red cheeks As us the struggling youth are taught even more by those we love we will never matter and we can do nothing to change that.

23

I'm giving up. I am giving in. My body and mind can no longer take it. My soul has been beaten and torn into shreds, daggers and bullets ripped through the last pureness it held. Nothing remains in the whole it once lived in, it's just cold and empty. Very, very empty. I hold my head high with a deadly look in my eye, the look that will cause you to shudder, the look which will haunt your dreams. The look of a dead person, a hollow dead person. With nothing left to lose. With nothing left to lose, it means you will and can do anything. So I know what I am becoming ,I know what will happen, I know it will be too late to stop it if I do not do it now. But I do not care, not anymore. I will become the thing the ones that love me beg me to run from, I will become the thing that once terrified me. I will run towards it with open arms. While they all flee...from me, I will become nothing but a blood shadow on the bathroom floor by the end of it. Because I do not want to feel,I do not want to be me. I have no more fight in me- No more strength.No more will to fix what is wrong and make it right. I am giving in. I'm giving up.

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Feb 2, 2017

Feb 2, 2017 at 5:21 PM UTC

Giving up,Giving in

I'm giving up. I am giving in. My body and mind can no longer take it. My soul has been beaten and torn into shreds, daggers and bullets ripped through the last pureness it held. Nothing remains in the whole it once lived in, it's just cold and empty. Very, very empty. I hold my head high with a deadly look in my eye, the look that will cause you to shudder, the look which will haunt your dreams. The look of a dead person, a hollow dead person. With nothing left to lose. With nothing left to lose, it means you will and can do anything. So I know what I am becoming ,I know what will happen, I know it will be too late to stop it if I do not do it now. But I do not care, not anymore. I will become the thing the ones that love me beg me to run from, I will become the thing that once terrified me. I will run towards it with open arms. While they all flee...from me, I will become nothing but a blood shadow on the bathroom floor by the end of it. Because I do not want to feel,I do not want to be me. I have no more fight in me- No more strength.No more will to fix what is wrong and make it right. I am giving in. I'm giving up.

24

Before I met you I thought happy ever afters where just a myth. A silly tale to hush the small ones to give pointless hope. That was until I met you. The day you walked in I began to hope pointlessly. To dream, dreams that will never happen. My messy mind began to be cleaned My hollow chest began to fill No more tear stained cheeks and blood stained sheets. My heart would jump at your smell My mind calmed when you pulled me to your chest. That was when I met you. But now I know the truth. Happy ever after does not exist. You left me in a heart beat as stuff got rough. We had been through worse, but this time I wasn't enough. You claimed I'd not loved you enough Or that you were no longer enough. That I found someone else. There was no one else. My heart had been broken You saved it until that night You murdered it I wish I had died the last time I laid in your arms. Because we will never make another memory

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Sep 18, 2016

Sep 18, 2016 at 5:41 PM UTC

I met you

Before I met you I thought happy ever afters where just a myth. A silly tale to hush the small ones to give pointless hope. That was until I met you. The day you walked in I began to hope pointlessly. To dream, dreams that will never happen. My messy mind began to be cleaned My hollow chest began to fill No more tear stained cheeks and blood stained sheets. My heart would jump at your smell My mind calmed when you pulled me to your chest. That was when I met you. But now I know the truth. Happy ever after does not exist. You left me in a heart beat as stuff got rough. We had been through worse, but this time I wasn't enough. You claimed I'd not loved you enough Or that you were no longer enough. That I found someone else. There was no one else. My heart had been broken You saved it until that night You murdered it I wish I had died the last time I laid in your arms. Because we will never make another memory

28

Here I am again, writing these ****** poems trying to find a way to get out how I feel. But nothing really works.. I drowning in front of everyone Who claim they care My legs are bleeding from the pretty little marks left from a ****** blade and a twitching hand. Tear-stained ,puffy cheeks and mascara smuged glossy eyes Begging for someone to show they care But who really does cares at the end of the day? My mind is racing with ****** up thoughts And merciless images of my body lying there.. Or hanging there. ****** wrist hanging over a once innocent white bath now a pinky stained colour. Drip drip drip it rolls of the lifeless fingertips Splasing the grey floor The noise taunts my ******* mind Begging me to run and do it Knuckles all bloody,broken A dented, freshly painted red wall Another impulse caused by the anger pulsing in my veins. But who really cares? No one ******* knows how bad it's got They all think it's all okay... Now don't get me wrong I've screamed for help, begged like a ******* dog. But like I said... Who the **** really cares? I'm drinking my life away Clawing and carving my skin To help the pain I've planned it all Just waiting for the right moment I don't want to be saved I don't want love I don't believe in hope Not anymore So I'll sit here for now Writing these ****** poems Waiting Waiting Waiting For the right moment to go When no one is watching the little girl in her room with the craved up legs and a broken smile. She will, I will disappear into the night Into deaths welcoming arms Once and for all

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Jul 24, 2016

Jul 24, 2016 at 7:49 PM UTC

But who really cares?

Here I am again, writing these ****** poems trying to find a way to get out how I feel. But nothing really works.. I drowning in front of everyone Who claim they care My legs are bleeding from the pretty little marks left from a ****** blade and a twitching hand. Tear-stained ,puffy cheeks and mascara smuged glossy eyes Begging for someone to show they care But who really does cares at the end of the day? My mind is racing with ****** up thoughts And merciless images of my body lying there.. Or hanging there. ****** wrist hanging over a once innocent white bath now a pinky stained colour. Drip drip drip it rolls of the lifeless fingertips Splasing the grey floor The noise taunts my ******* mind Begging me to run and do it Knuckles all bloody,broken A dented, freshly painted red wall Another impulse caused by the anger pulsing in my veins. But who really cares? No one ******* knows how bad it's got They all think it's all okay... Now don't get me wrong I've screamed for help, begged like a ******* dog. But like I said... Who the **** really cares? I'm drinking my life away Clawing and carving my skin To help the pain I've planned it all Just waiting for the right moment I don't want to be saved I don't want love I don't believe in hope Not anymore So I'll sit here for now Writing these ****** poems Waiting Waiting Waiting For the right moment to go When no one is watching the little girl in her room with the craved up legs and a broken smile. She will, I will disappear into the night Into deaths welcoming arms Once and for all

54

Go have another beer, ignore that I am here. I'm nothing anyway.... But don't yell at me when I snap And swipe away the bottle. Don't get pissy with me when I leave! Don't be a ******* hypocrite when I drink my life away because you pushed me too far. You do it so why can't I? I'm not your punching bag So stop taking it out on me, it's not always my fault So stop treating me like **** Stop expecting me to drop everything, my thoughts aren't meant to be just about you. Get over the fact I have male friends! I'm not your ******* property! You expect so much yet you never give back You may give gifts but that's not what I want I'm tired Exhausted We just go around in circles You just end up drinking or going out I ended up crying and saying sorry.... But it's not just my fault And you can't see that I can't try no more I can't keep saying sorry So just go have another beer, You just go drink your problems away But if I'm not here when you come back Don't complain

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May 10, 2016

May 10, 2016 at 1:06 PM UTC

Have another beer

Go have another beer, ignore that I am here. I'm nothing anyway.... But don't yell at me when I snap And swipe away the bottle. Don't get pissy with me when I leave! Don't be a ******* hypocrite when I drink my life away because you pushed me too far. You do it so why can't I? I'm not your punching bag So stop taking it out on me, it's not always my fault So stop treating me like **** Stop expecting me to drop everything, my thoughts aren't meant to be just about you. Get over the fact I have male friends! I'm not your ******* property! You expect so much yet you never give back You may give gifts but that's not what I want I'm tired Exhausted We just go around in circles You just end up drinking or going out I ended up crying and saying sorry.... But it's not just my fault And you can't see that I can't try no more I can't keep saying sorry So just go have another beer, You just go drink your problems away But if I'm not here when you come back Don't complain

33

Numb. Empty. Hollow. I no longer feel a thing. No love, no pain, no happiness. No feeling left from before, I've become a black hole and I'm just draining those around me. ******* the good out of them all, until they become like me. Bottomless pits of anger and rage. Were they hurt those they care about and push everyone away. Until no one is left to say "I care" Or " It will all be okay one day" Numb, empty, hollow. I no longer feel a thing I could of been helped Instead I was shoved away Now I'm just a raging monster Ripping myself away and tearing others apart.

0

May 10, 2016

May 10, 2016 at 12:21 PM UTC

Numb, empty, hollow.

Numb. Empty. Hollow. I no longer feel a thing. No love, no pain, no happiness. No feeling left from before, I've become a black hole and I'm just draining those around me. ******* the good out of them all, until they become like me. Bottomless pits of anger and rage. Were they hurt those they care about and push everyone away. Until no one is left to say "I care" Or " It will all be okay one day" Numb, empty, hollow. I no longer feel a thing I could of been helped Instead I was shoved away Now I'm just a raging monster Ripping myself away and tearing others apart.

21