With the door wide open
I am sleeping
With my eyes wide open
I am dreaming
With the door left open
Call it an inlet of the sea
A sea of indescribable beauty
And wilder still
Than any forest fire
However will I cross then?
What, With all these feelings and mixed emotions?
But by a bridge ....built of words, and words alone
Stretching across and down and over my confusion
To the one and only island
I go myself, to mend
Where millions of countless words dangle and twist before me
Forming answers to questions I seek , should I dare untangle them.
Words, upon words, upon words, hang there.
All poems to be one day, hanging so unaware.
Everything I hold inside so quietly
All the things I scream so silently
Words to be collected ,sifted and gone through
All to be written, recorded, and expressed however I construe
Tailor made for however Im feeling
Small talk, pillow talk, or real talk , this is my unveiling
I'll use my words as walls, so they will protect me
Because within them, I am safe, no harm will come to me
Hiding deep within their camouflage, I am still free
No one can judge, ignore or treat me badly
To the common passerby, it may Appear that I lie sleeping
Or is it maybe that I lie awake ....yet still dreaming?
Swimming through the sea of all left unspoken...
That's me there, Dreaming , with the door wide open
© 3 years ago, Melissa Adkins
Jul 12, 2017
Jul 12, 2017 at 11:38 AM UTC
I am left shaken
I'm simply wrecked inside
For you there who nestles
Just beneath my rib cage
We haven't quite met yet
Tho any day I hope to
And I already miss you
And apart from the constant aching
Apart from this empty longing,
I hurt beyond all expression
I'll forever miss you
And your hiccups
And all your "stretching"
Yes, I know I torture myself
But I can not cap this heartache
I will hate the distance between us
But I would walk a gazillion miles
To close the gap between us
A million more
To return me to before
Should ever I be made again to choose
Baby I would choose you
© 3 years ago, Melissa Adkins
Jul 12, 2017
Jul 12, 2017 at 8:31 AM UTC
Erase Me
Falling. Lost. Falling fast into a dream thats dark as night. A nightmare that steal my soul. If I even have one left worth being stole... So take it. Just take it. Take all of me. Enclose me. Encase me. Place me on display. Destroy me. Let everyone see me. Lie to me. Just make a victim of me very lastly... or was I a victim of me already? Inhale me. Breathe into me. You tease me. Is this your secret to death maybe? Of bone? Of flesh? Of the emptiness that now lie within me? The life i had you took from me. You killed me. Your ******* killing me!
Take it! Take it all! I will want for nothing. I will never again need a thing. From here on I want for not one thing. So Enclose me. Encase me. **** me slowly.
Your wants and your needs were subdued so swiftly, the very moment you entered me. And I hate you. I spit on you. I hope you burn in hell thief! Burn eternal in return for my soul you stole!
My stomach now swoll and any day now will be empty once again. A shell of what it used to be.
So Enclose me! Encase me! Erase that part of me! Erase the empty hole , the very part of me that will never again feel whole. Erase me... because what do I have left to me? Surely no pride, no dignity.... and mourning the loss of an innocent child born unto me just furthers my misery.
Yes just turn the knife a bit further. Please deepen these wounds that scar me eternally ' internally. And then abandon me. Just leave me alone. To stand alone along the jagged rocks amidst the murkey black waters of my own mind.
What little of you, you made mine. And what was mine, you took for you. We are now one in the same? No. NO!! **** you! I spit on you! Because i can no longer see the difference between me and you, all I see is you. You, the no-face who maimed me with a violence that I simply can not erase. You who left me crumpled there. Left me with a hole now that I can never fill. Not with any prescription pill.
Just take it! ******* take it all, let me fall. Becsuse i can not keep pace with the direction you've chosen my life take. This is all because of you! You no name, no face, no heart bearing piece of **** I spit in your face!
And though my physical pain will cease, and my wounds will one day close, inevitably to be forgotten by eveybody but me....I will forever remember. Like shiney new, yesterdays pain will be renewed. Alot like the pain I now know rather intimately. The very same pain that now follow me endlessly. Constantly taunting, reminding, haunting me tirelessly of the girl I used to be. The girl i was once before you yanked my innocence and tore it from me. Washed it clean from me... washed up on shores of morbid curiousity. Because that is about all I've left of me. All the questions that circled around me making me feel a devastating despair and a hopelessness throughout my entirety. I am simply treading water here. Taking up space. I'm just another victim without a case. Insomnia settled in and seems to be moving into this vaccant space you placed and it drives me further insane.
You very well may be the death of me. Nothing but my ashes to settling along the bottom of a vase.
As you Enclose me. Yes encase me in a vase and just Erase me. Place my weary body 6 feet beneath thee so that peace may once again find me. So that you can no longer hurt me.
Free me... of this constant countdown of the hours I may have left to me. Days marked only by the number of breaths I take. And each and every solitary tear that streak down my cheek.
Take it. Take it all from me! And then be gone from me! Have you not taken enough of me? Have you not taken all you possibly could from me already? You can have anything... if only I could go back. Rethink, rechoose, using less of the hurt i felt and more of the fact..... I want my baby back.
Jul 4, 2017
Jul 4, 2017 at 12:54 PM UTC
Until wolfs light, I will be counting sheep
Hell, I'll even pray,to Gods I dont keep
What keeps me awake at night?
Nothing
Nothing more then your stinky lingering elastic vowels
That stretch themselves through my head & warn me again, "Scream, I ******* dare you."
Because a spectacle of suffering, corrupts us all.....
Right?
over and over again, I hear your approaching boot heels
I know that scratchy voice of yours and how it feels
poking at my back, when it says "The dark has no teeth."
And they ask me why I cant sleep?
I dont know how to feel.
Safe or spared?
Knowing this little one and I,
have been so violently paired.
No. What keeps me awake?
The fear of what else you may take.
While men like you run those streets,
I imagine I'll always be counting sheep.....
© Melissa Adkins. All rights reserved
Feb 28, 2014
Feb 28, 2014 at 8:18 PM UTC
I don't want a "friend"
I don't want to get ****** in the end
I don't want your shoulder
I want something colder
I want someone to pretend to "be there"
But in all actuality not even begin to care
No, I don't need a ******* hero
I just want a neutral , unawkward place to go
I really don't want your opinions or your advice
Tho, I'm sure I've numerous flaws for you to chastise
I don't care to see things from your point of view
I want fun, fake, I want flippant for now
I don't want you to really listen to a **** thing I say
Because I don't want your theories to get in the way
I don't want your hopes and dreams explained to me
I just want someone to humor me for Gawds sake
Please do not try and understand or analyze me
I'd be much more comfortable, if you just use and abuse me
You know, someone to really kick me while I'm down
Drag my tired *** around, you know, something physical
I'm so numb, many believe Me to be unemotional
I no longer stand to correct them
Hell, at least they've something to believe in
Inflict harm upon me
Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
I don't want your Gawed ****** empathy or you to
"Feel my pain"
Can't you hear me? I want you to be the very source of my pain
I want someone I can blame
Someone who doesn't give a **** all the same
I want you to look away, walk away, stay the **** away
You to, can pretend my inner psyche is not at all in disarray
No, I don't want a caring or understanding touch
Jesus! I am not asking for all that much
I don't want you to give me your heart
I really don't want any part
All I want is a sympathetic acquaintance
Doesn't that make sense?
© Melissa Adkins. All rights reserved
Feb 27, 2014
Feb 27, 2014 at 2:00 PM UTC
Falling.
Lost.
Falling fast into a dream dark as night.
A nightmare that steal my soul.
If I have one left worth being stole...
So take it. Just take it.
Take all of me.
Enclose me. Encase me.
Place me on display. Destroy me.
Let everyone see me. Lie to me
Just make a victim of me very lastly...
or was I a victim of me already?
Inhale me.
Breathe into me.
You tease me.
Is this your secret on death?
Of bone? Of flesh?
Of the emptiness that now lie within me?
The life I had, you took it from me.
You killed me.
Your killing me!
Take it! Take it all!
I will want for nothing.
I'll never again need a thing..
So Enclose me. Encase me.
**** me slowly.
Your wants, your needs were subdued swiftly,
the moment you entered me.
And I hate you. I spit on you.
I hope you burn in hell.
Your a thief!
I hope you burn eternal in return for my soul you stole!
My stomach now swoll,
And any day now will be empty once more.
A shell of what it used to be.
So Enclose me! Encase me!
Erase that part of me!
Erase the empty hole ,
the part of me that now will never feel whole.
Erase me...
What do I have left to me?
No pride, no dignity....
Mourning the loss of this innocent child .
Soon to be born unto me, just furthers my misery.
Yes please, turn the knife even further.
Please deepen these wounds that scar me eternally ,
Internally.
Abandon me.
Just leave me be..
To stand alone on the jagged rocks,
Amidst the murkey black waters of my own mind.
What little of you, you made mine.
And what was mine, you then took for you.
We are now one in the same? No.
Are we not?.... No!
NO!! **** you! I spit on you!
Because I can no longer see the difference
Between me and you,
All I see is you!
And I hate you!
You, the no-face
Who maimed me with a violence that simply can't be erased.
You who left me crumpled there,
Gasping, fighting for air.
Left me with a hole that now I can never fill.
Not even with a prescription pill.
Just take it! ******* take it all,
Just let me fall.
Because I can not keep pace
With this direction you've chosen my life take.
This is all because of you!
You no name, no face, no heart bearing piece of ****
I spit in your face!
And though any physical pain will one day cease,
And these wounds, they to will close.
Inevitably in the end,
I 'll be forgotten by everyone .
but me....I will forever remember.
Like shiny new yesterdays, my pain will be renewed..
A pain I know now,rather intimately.
The very same pain that follow me now...endlessly.
Constantly taunting, reminding, and haunting me.
The girl I was before you tore my innocence from me.
Washed it clean of me...
leaving me on the shores of morbid curiousity.
This all I've left of me.
nothing but questions left to circle around me
Making me dizzy.
Hopelessness run throughout my entirety.
I am simply treading water.
Taking up space.
Another victim without a case.
Insomnia settles into the vacant space you placed.
Leaves me feeling even more insane.
You may be the death of me.
Nothing but my ashes to settle
Along the bottom of a vase,
As you Enclose me.
Encase me in a vase.
Erase me.
Place my body 6 feet beneath thee
And one day I pray, peace be restored to me.
So that you can no longer hurt me.
Free me...
Of constantly counting the hours of the days,
That may be left to me.
Days marked by the number of breaths I take.
I count every tear that streak.
Take it. Take it all from me!
And then be gone from me!
Have you not taken enough of me already?
Have you not taken everything possible you could from me ?Take it!
You can have anything... if only I can go back.
Back to the old me.
Back before you ***** me....
M. Adkins
© Melissa Adkins. All rights reserved
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 1:30 PM UTC