Why do I feel like
I’m in a living hell
Disguised an covered with pretty apple
An cherry trees
that don’t blossom
Well
at the hands of
A Salty breeze
The beautiful glistening sea
At The bottom of my garden
As I lay in my bed
Peeping through the curtain
a dream come true
most sought after street
the pebbles the sand
across our southern English land
20 miles on a boat to France
I clench my hand pull up my crinkled sheets
Tight to my cheek
the other
Side
A face plant frown
Cups on the side to lazy to take down
Clothes in piles, toys all around chaotic
as my mind
A reflection of me
Am I lazy or just crazy
Maybe both
Where have you gone
lost in your dream
Lost out to sea
Lost in days, months
Years they blend
The Salty breeze
the cherry tree withered away
similar are we
We couldn’t blossom
We couldn’t survive here
As beautiful this sight it maybe
where I lay my head
crippled with guilt every night
Turn the pillow over
The Frown turned around
A new moulded smile
Just be happy what is wrong with you
How many people would love to be In your
Shoes.
Would they though, someone worth their
Salt I don’t think so.
No matter how hard I fight
I cannot
Win against the ocean
that gave me life
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 10:40 AM UTC
The head an the heart
Like two separate minds
Close in distance
energy’s apart
They have fought all my
Life
The heart always wins with
a few battle scars
But just because it won
Doesn’t mean , it was right..
I had the most weirdest dream one night
One of weirdest and most profound
As I fell asleep to a **** film
on the couch
in my red night gown
My chest was open
Broken
My bouncing heart out
Trying to hold it
In
Holding it tight in my hands
My blood dripping down
How am I still alive
So scared to let it go
Please help
go back deep inside
With thicker skin.
This time
You are fierce you are kind
But you are to fragile now
Let me
Take care of you
I am your other half
I can see through the eyes
You do not have
I can see through the lies
Calm now my little one..
Slow down your beat
Let me navigate the ongoing path
The road an neurons streets
Nothing you can do nor I,
let this body cry
Hope she looks after herself.
The shell of her we are within.
I hear echoes of her? we are one. Her voice so quiet I can barely hear
Shes so confused im nothing
without her
And she’s nothing without you.
Just an empty shell
Of who?
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 10:17 AM UTC
He swaggered like a thunderclap,
all furnace‑breath and roar,
a Circus God of borrowed rage
who’d never been to war.
His hands drew frantic, looping signs,
his mouth a grinding wheel,
he barked at those who couldn’t bite
to prove that he was real.
But when a calm, unblinking gaze
from someone real and tall
met his .... the storm collapsed to mist,
his shadow seemed to crawl.
Before the ancient, quiet crown
he bowed with syruped grace,
a grin too wide, a laugh too sharp,
a tremor in his face.
Before the iron sovereign’s stare
he wilted like a leaf,
the bully’s mask slid off to show
a trembling underneath.
Yet back among the weaker sort
he puffed his chest once more,
a rooster on a borrowed throne,
a tyrant of the floor.
He spoke in crude, unvarnished lines,
in gestures broad and base,
a jester with a rancid tongue
and powder on his face.
His faithful .... fervent, dazzled, loud ....
mistook his noise for might,
they loved the way he kicked the dust
and cursed into the night.
But those who watched with colder eyes
saw something small and curled:
a man of mirrors, cracked and thin,
reflecting back a world
where swagger hides the shrinking heart,
where cruelty masks the fear,
where every shout’s a cursed plea
from someone standing near.
And so he roared, and ranted forth,
a paradox of skin ....
a hollow drum that thundered out
an emptiness within.
[email protected]
18 May 2026
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 11:36 PM UTC
We have no fun we haven’t for so long work work work, and waterfalls of tears, for years
Still so lonely even though you were near,
Everyday and a beer,
I am listening my dear loud and clear
I can repeat every word you said,
just sending a quote
to Janice from standsted,
Why you look so sad
Because I’ve been pouring my heart out
confiding to your forehead,
while you look down at a screen
since the day we met,
I know you love me. I love you too.
It’s so hard i wish you could understand
I wish you knew.
My heart aches
so much without you.
if only it was that easy.
Wave a magic wand an life be breezy
I’m being strong.
Prepared to walk away.
from the love of my life I Imagined growing old with some day,
It’s so confusing it’s so unclear the future I used to see for us
Days filled with constant uncertainty
I try to see but it’s filled with dust
a quick fix maybe
you say it’s upto me.
We can be a family.
But I cannot be with a man, that justifies violence
in front of, our babies,
it was just a finger
it was just a hand
across my mouth,
so I couldn’t speak
Can that still be justified,
really ?
And all the others times I dread to speak
but I do
I repeat the awful memories I’ve kept deep,
only because you opened the wounds again.
After promising years, before
that, that was the end,
I said I would walk away, if you ever, laid a hand my way, again
but here I am still holding out hope begging you to understand, I have questioned my sanity
while you watch an deny my reality, call me crazy,
No this cannot be
The man I married
But more importantly
the children we made
even though it kills me to repeat. To bring up these memories, you think I’m living in the past I just love negativity
Do you have any idea throughout our history
Is that what you really believe,
it’s ok
it’s not that bad
While our daughter stands beside with tears in her eyes
Begging you to stop, you don’t
So She runs away, outside
if I stay, it shows to her,
That, this is ok
And will except that,
in her
future husband one day.
I will not let that happen
No way ! This cycle ends today
As I write down my boundaries on this
Page, theres no room
For grace. In this case.
It breaks my heart
I grieve everyday
Get back together we’ll be ok
for a while at least
Then back here again the same
because nothing ever changed,
words and promises have no meaning now,
To many times you broke your vows.
The trust has gone which makes it worse,
It will take a long time to build it back again.
But I’m willing to try of course
You’re my man father of my children. I didn’t
Get married, for it, to end in divorce.
Being separated from my girls while they spend the weekend with dad,
No thanks, **** that.
I will do everything I can to fight for us.
But I cannot do that alone.
I cannot swallow an deny what’s real
and what happened to me.
Do not live in your lies an blame me, for your own comfort and ease
for the hurt you caused.
Stand tall with integrity
and hold accountability.
Some people never do.
Face the truth of themselves,
live their life and a 1000 fake smiles,
This is the only way to feel safe
An trust
The only hope for us,
If you really feel this is something you cannot do, then put me out my misery,
let me
Put on my shoes,
an walk away from your
ego that
obviously means more to you.
As I said before one day you will realise
But by then it will be too late.
May 16
May 16, 2026 at 6:14 PM UTC
Ive come so far.
Why do I see these wounds reopen
they Were mere scars
This doesn’t make Sense
I’ve come so far.
Not my love surely,
it is me.
Maybe I’m not healed
Maybe, my eyes deceive me.
I knew this journey, would not be easy.
The man who chose me and I thee,
We Made life together
that’s not so easy,
I don’t expect
My knight in shining armer
To heal and fix me, that takes years to rewire,
Everyday, consciously aware.
Trying not to swear
It’s taken
years of patience,
An lots of wine,
Maybe that’s another mistake
As I write this down
now, on this page.,
For me to hear tis
The mead I used to escape.
It didn’t make sense
now it does
Tattooed on my thigh the butterfly
lady she’s so weak
Please me help
The Man, my shining knight
I Portrayed
the demon grabbing me
from Below
My Knight to save me,
But its the dragon inside
that enslaves me.
I am the dragon,
breath out my fire
And let it go.,
I’ve come so far
That’s all that matters
When the false reality shatters
You realise
To just let it be.
Breathe your fire
to keep you warm.
When the smoke clears
No longer in fear
You walk side by side
Your dragon inside
In all your glory
And Shimmering light
And roar with all your might
I am not alone in this fight.
I have come so far.
May 13
May 13, 2026 at 6:55 PM UTC
I wonder if there is a god an this is his plan, to rid the world of evil, on this land.
I wish that was true
watch the ******** float away
in a big sea of blue
Never to be seen again
A gourmet feast by our white tipped friends.
I’ve never been religious though, never believed it to be so, not since the day my eyes opened wide.
As a child.
When fairy’s an reindeer flew away
from my mind.
It’s hard to see with such atrocities
How a creator could let this be..
I can’t comprehend, I cannot find peace,
How can I, in a world like this,
i wouldn’t, even if i tried to. Turn a blind eye.
With Innocent children
an rubble at their feet, the only water left, are tears, down their streets, forming rivers and connections. imaginary so, of all the cries from the world. Yelling cease fire
No
No more!
Please for the love of god or anything you believe!
Please let’s stand ! together
In solidarity,
if this is all we can do,
Where our spines once grew
All fragile now and *******
Gone an decayed from years as slave. Not in the sense you know.
The one that entrapped you, from moment you spoke.
.
I wish I could explain this pain
But there are no words.
Not in any language I’ve known or ever heard.
That’s why this evil cannot be from this earth,
Please for the love of humanity the love of our people born from every corner on this earth
our brothers and sisters like you and me.
A family tree
Bigger than you dare to see,
entrapped in this generation of the most inhumane society
I’ve ever seen in history
That’s not the elites that’s you and me that sees
This evil an let’s it be..
Wake up before it’s to late
For our people now and our soon to be fate
By Sian pepper
May 8
May 8, 2026 at 8:21 PM UTC