Lenora - Hello Poetry

My doubts.. My flesh eating All absorbing Never defeated Self consuming doubts

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Sep 4, 2023

Sep 4, 2023 at 6:36 AM UTC

My doubts.. My flesh eating All absorbing Never defeated Self consuming doubts

Loading up countless ammunition for me Full release You think so low of me Breaking me making me feel like I deserve it But who deserves this Does forgiveness hurt like this Even in my wrongness Does it truly hurt like this…

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Sep 4, 2023

Sep 4, 2023 at 6:26 AM UTC

Uncommon

Loading up countless ammunition for me Full release You think so low of me Breaking me making me feel like I deserve it But who deserves this Does forgiveness hurt like this Even in my wrongness Does it truly hurt like this…

8

At least this feeling comes with acceptance Newness No longer remaining in the safe zone of what I know Of what is familiar Stepping in the open Knowing it could be a better way to explain my motion It could be intertwined with a deeper devotion Simply put it could be better More pure Not constricted by the bind of needing to rhyme guided by my most honest being As if each word is slowly freeing me

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Sep 4, 2023

Sep 4, 2023 at 6:23 AM UTC

N e w

At least this feeling comes with acceptance Newness No longer remaining in the safe zone of what I know Of what is familiar Stepping in the open Knowing it could be a better way to explain my motion It could be intertwined with a deeper devotion Simply put it could be better More pure Not constricted by the bind of needing to rhyme guided by my most honest being As if each word is slowly freeing me

12

A simple string that stretches for miles Intertwined threads that if deciphered could break the masses Pieces and pieces of me until I’ve unraveled into nothingness Into meaningless Quivers in my body as every cell inside me jumps Begging to be released Begging to be pulled through this simple string In agony as they come together Only to scatter and combust Causing movement only justifiable to someone on the verge of break The edge of collapse How bad could the process be ? I’m falling into myself on a daily basis crumbling by each word I hear Grasping on my skin prying my flesh as if the emotions could exit my pores Heavy heaves as I grip the soft ends of my consciousness Lusting after the feeling of when I was okay swaying restlessly as if I completely lost myself in that moment Feeling every emotion every thought as every word new word clashes between My breath from long sighs to short pants as the stimulation cripples me Curling into the ball that tricks me into believing I’ll be okay While my internal filter malfunctions at each and every request Lifting me up and slamming me down As I attempt countless behaviors to make it bearable Losing focus On words on thoughts on the point Staring at tv screens phone screens Lost on the glow of LEDS In a trance unrecognizable to the self Losing track of time Having no management no organization no boundaries A leaf in Mother Natures enchanting wind With no destination As life Carries me Struggling to connect When I feel every motion so intensely As if my own self is against me

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Sep 4, 2023

Sep 4, 2023 at 4:48 AM UTC

Stimuli

A simple string that stretches for miles Intertwined threads that if deciphered could break the masses Pieces and pieces of me until I’ve unraveled into nothingness Into meaningless Quivers in my body as every cell inside me jumps Begging to be released Begging to be pulled through this simple string In agony as they come together Only to scatter and combust Causing movement only justifiable to someone on the verge of break The edge of collapse How bad could the process be ? I’m falling into myself on a daily basis crumbling by each word I hear Grasping on my skin prying my flesh as if the emotions could exit my pores Heavy heaves as I grip the soft ends of my consciousness Lusting after the feeling of when I was okay swaying restlessly as if I completely lost myself in that moment Feeling every emotion every thought as every word new word clashes between My breath from long sighs to short pants as the stimulation cripples me Curling into the ball that tricks me into believing I’ll be okay While my internal filter malfunctions at each and every request Lifting me up and slamming me down As I attempt countless behaviors to make it bearable Losing focus On words on thoughts on the point Staring at tv screens phone screens Lost on the glow of LEDS In a trance unrecognizable to the self Losing track of time Having no management no organization no boundaries A leaf in Mother Natures enchanting wind With no destination As life Carries me Struggling to connect When I feel every motion so intensely As if my own self is against me

37

If I could permanently end my tears I would The way I wear my heart openly but my words like solid wood Tough but breakable Everything I’m saying Mistaken for Love making me feel poor Lessening my value When all I can do is think about you Only waking up early now to cry in peace And now my tears are dried And I feel nothing My heart and my mind becoming completely blank

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Sep 4, 2023

Sep 4, 2023 at 4:46 AM UTC

Days

If I could permanently end my tears I would The way I wear my heart openly but my words like solid wood Tough but breakable Everything I’m saying Mistaken for Love making me feel poor Lessening my value When all I can do is think about you Only waking up early now to cry in peace And now my tears are dried And I feel nothing My heart and my mind becoming completely blank

11

Pain to such a soft spirit soft soul Turns the aura cold Turning into a person I’ve never seen before This not the person I loved that I had feelings for I don’t know you anymore Never made my heart this sore Or you did but at least you acted like you cared At least you were there You know I really do love you. and you’re making it so hard for me.. if you don’t want to I can just let you go. still trying to reach out when you couldn’t even be bothered with me.. I’ve stopped myself from telling you I hate you so many times.. I never thought you would make me feel this way.

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Aug 20, 2023

Aug 20, 2023 at 12:51 PM UTC

Why won’t you speak to me..

Pain to such a soft spirit soft soul Turns the aura cold Turning into a person I’ve never seen before This not the person I loved that I had feelings for I don’t know you anymore Never made my heart this sore Or you did but at least you acted like you cared At least you were there You know I really do love you. and you’re making it so hard for me.. if you don’t want to I can just let you go. still trying to reach out when you couldn’t even be bothered with me.. I’ve stopped myself from telling you I hate you so many times.. I never thought you would make me feel this way.

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On soul I won’t ever give another person my heart.. I no longer have the capacity to love I’ll no longer reach out for answers Or try to give us closure I won’t think about you or how you feel when I begin to detach I won’t wonder how you think or if you truly want to let go I’m going to just let you go I love you so much that if I could see or hear you in this moment I’d melt in your hands But the distance the silence all the unspoken things festers hate in my heart Hate that I couldn’t ever hold on to Which causes trauma because no matter how much you hurt me I want you around I want to hold you and kiss you Within all these emotions I feel like they’re not reciprocated You don’t want me the way i want you The hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow Is the fact my favorite person is no longer my favorite person It hurts to not view you like I once did It hurts to feel like you don’t care.. It hurts to feel like none of it was ever real My pain means absolutely nothing to you As you took every piece of me I had to offer and stomped it down to dirt

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Aug 16, 2023

Aug 16, 2023 at 3:37 PM UTC

L e t t e r s

On soul I won’t ever give another person my heart.. I no longer have the capacity to love I’ll no longer reach out for answers Or try to give us closure I won’t think about you or how you feel when I begin to detach I won’t wonder how you think or if you truly want to let go I’m going to just let you go I love you so much that if I could see or hear you in this moment I’d melt in your hands But the distance the silence all the unspoken things festers hate in my heart Hate that I couldn’t ever hold on to Which causes trauma because no matter how much you hurt me I want you around I want to hold you and kiss you Within all these emotions I feel like they’re not reciprocated You don’t want me the way i want you The hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow Is the fact my favorite person is no longer my favorite person It hurts to not view you like I once did It hurts to feel like you don’t care.. It hurts to feel like none of it was ever real My pain means absolutely nothing to you As you took every piece of me I had to offer and stomped it down to dirt

21

I’ve stared into the endlessness of a blank page As I watched and heard my words stumble over one other in rage I’ve truly never felt the way I feel in this moment before Falling from a high that was never satisfying masking love galore Each thought stacked on another Consuming me as if my eyes could no longer see you as a lover And now love makes me feel insane As it ties itself in knots inside my brain And pieces of my heart still beat on the ground Pleading they could never hate you they just don’t know how to feel now I now no longer know if you felt the same because of your lack of care I constantly have thoughts on if I was just a game or if you truly needed me there running off course sleeping less and being taken by my thoughts more why would you say all those things for If you wouldn't feel them anymore I never felt this alone You never even called or text my phone When I needed you.. Not even to check on me .. you just don't care and I cant play the fool If you knew you couldn't afford to love Then why would you

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Aug 15, 2023

Aug 15, 2023 at 8:01 PM UTC

Mute

I’ve stared into the endlessness of a blank page As I watched and heard my words stumble over one other in rage I’ve truly never felt the way I feel in this moment before Falling from a high that was never satisfying masking love galore Each thought stacked on another Consuming me as if my eyes could no longer see you as a lover And now love makes me feel insane As it ties itself in knots inside my brain And pieces of my heart still beat on the ground Pleading they could never hate you they just don’t know how to feel now I now no longer know if you felt the same because of your lack of care I constantly have thoughts on if I was just a game or if you truly needed me there running off course sleeping less and being taken by my thoughts more why would you say all those things for If you wouldn't feel them anymore I never felt this alone You never even called or text my phone When I needed you.. Not even to check on me .. you just don't care and I cant play the fool If you knew you couldn't afford to love Then why would you

21

Returning to the space of talking to myself Words that dance in my head or end up as random letters on the shelf Certain situations make me want to be alone The faithfulness to your being like it’s never been shown I love as wide as the ocean spreads even if you can’t tell The only individual that could do so well To hurt me with words to feel each thing you said And still loving you as it all bounces through my head truly wanting you to know you’re the only one When circumstances make you quick to run Quick to anger Straight into danger zone Where all the proportions are blown And now you don’t trust me The game of love so ugly Never like your past if you could just trust me

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Apr 17, 2023

Apr 17, 2023 at 9:55 PM UTC

Disdain .

Returning to the space of talking to myself Words that dance in my head or end up as random letters on the shelf Certain situations make me want to be alone The faithfulness to your being like it’s never been shown I love as wide as the ocean spreads even if you can’t tell The only individual that could do so well To hurt me with words to feel each thing you said And still loving you as it all bounces through my head truly wanting you to know you’re the only one When circumstances make you quick to run Quick to anger Straight into danger zone Where all the proportions are blown And now you don’t trust me The game of love so ugly Never like your past if you could just trust me

16

Everything inside me feels like it’s swollen. If I could paint a picture, my body would be presented as a hollow shell. Only for it to not be hollow.. but filled with swelled emotions, swelled veins, swelled brain, swelled heart, swelled lungs, all pressing against one another squeezing and creating immense pressure becoming more and more intense with each conversation and each go through. Im back to constantly beating myself up again, feeling everything I’ve been trying to let go of. I hate the sign of the twin, I hate the indecisive, I hate the two sets of emotions, feelings, thoughts, and decisions. A side of me feels like everything everyone says about me is true a list is as follows: I can’t get right, I’m childish, I’m too emotional, I’m too soft, too sensitive, I lost myself, I lost my light, I’m dulling out, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I blow in the wind, I never care, I’m lazy, I’m not dependable, I’m not there, I’m emotionally unavailable, I’m an *** I’m too rough, too aggressive, too submissive, too dominant, too one way too the other, too withdrawn, too quite, too isolated, too not in control. A list of my flaws.. a plethora of things that float around in my head flying from side to side, bouncing off the walls cracking the cranium of my skull slowly feeling it fracture with each tap, slowly oozing out the deepest darkest things that not only I feel but think about. The seemingly identical twins but immensely different, only narrowly scraping the walls of agreement. I’m so deep down in my thoughts I can’t even write out my equaling entity because as of this moment she isn’t present. She’s locked in her switch chamber full of stairs white noise and a single chair with rubble all around from the deterioration in the shared mind. The explanation is as follows : I’m Inside my head or body The Staircase of deteriorating mental anguish leading up to all areas of the mind The temporal lobe .. frontal lobe.. parietal lobe.. occipital lobe.. cerebellum.. falling into my brain stem where the center will cradle the space of a single chair One sits in the lair While one rules the flesh In the frame, the one will sit somewhere on the stairs because neither is content in that space Neither could sit still in a chair surrounded by white noise.. or crippling expressions She sits on the steps with her hands balled over her head in a fetal crouch as the ruble bounces off her body as if she’s ready for the whole surrounding area to collapse on top of her While the other feels the pressure building up to the point of self-combustion The two are seemingly different but feel most of the same things due to shared soreness

0

Dec 17, 2022

Dec 17, 2022 at 12:14 PM UTC

Writing: The sign of the twin Gemini

Everything inside me feels like it’s swollen. If I could paint a picture, my body would be presented as a hollow shell. Only for it to not be hollow.. but filled with swelled emotions, swelled veins, swelled brain, swelled heart, swelled lungs, all pressing against one another squeezing and creating immense pressure becoming more and more intense with each conversation and each go through. Im back to constantly beating myself up again, feeling everything I’ve been trying to let go of. I hate the sign of the twin, I hate the indecisive, I hate the two sets of emotions, feelings, thoughts, and decisions. A side of me feels like everything everyone says about me is true a list is as follows: I can’t get right, I’m childish, I’m too emotional, I’m too soft, too sensitive, I lost myself, I lost my light, I’m dulling out, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I blow in the wind, I never care, I’m lazy, I’m not dependable, I’m not there, I’m emotionally unavailable, I’m an *** I’m too rough, too aggressive, too submissive, too dominant, too one way too the other, too withdrawn, too quite, too isolated, too not in control. A list of my flaws.. a plethora of things that float around in my head flying from side to side, bouncing off the walls cracking the cranium of my skull slowly feeling it fracture with each tap, slowly oozing out the deepest darkest things that not only I feel but think about. The seemingly identical twins but immensely different, only narrowly scraping the walls of agreement. I’m so deep down in my thoughts I can’t even write out my equaling entity because as of this moment she isn’t present. She’s locked in her switch chamber full of stairs white noise and a single chair with rubble all around from the deterioration in the shared mind. The explanation is as follows : I’m Inside my head or body The Staircase of deteriorating mental anguish leading up to all areas of the mind The temporal lobe .. frontal lobe.. parietal lobe.. occipital lobe.. cerebellum.. falling into my brain stem where the center will cradle the space of a single chair One sits in the lair While one rules the flesh In the frame, the one will sit somewhere on the stairs because neither is content in that space Neither could sit still in a chair surrounded by white noise.. or crippling expressions She sits on the steps with her hands balled over her head in a fetal crouch as the ruble bounces off her body as if she’s ready for the whole surrounding area to collapse on top of her While the other feels the pressure building up to the point of self-combustion The two are seemingly different but feel most of the same things due to shared soreness

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