The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.
When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.
If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.
But most people don’t see it.
Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.
The poet lives in two different worlds.
Oct 24, 2023
Oct 24, 2023 at 8:11 AM UTC
He gave me dead flowers
So I can smell them every day
The rotten petals falling
The color of decay
The washed out sunflower
The dehydrated leaves
The mold on the water
The color of debris
The richly red rose
Now drooping to the floor
The color of love
Existed no more
But still I saved the flowers
And smelled them every day
And watered them with tears
To let them grow again.
Oct 24, 2023
Oct 24, 2023 at 8:10 AM UTC
Why Men Cry in the Bathroom
For so many reasons.
I will tell you the why.
I think you know,
Or perhaps, you think you know.
Men are always O.K.,
Even when not.
We expect the worse,
Accept the worse,
Nonetheless,
We are forever unprepared.
Wearily, we cry,
In the bathroom, in private,
Lest sighs slip by,
We be unmasked,
Early warring, strife signs warning.
Copious, tho we weep
Before the mirror confessor,
It is relief untethered,
Unbinding of the feet,
An uncounting
Of beaded rosaries,
Of freshly fallen hail stones,
Of night times terrors
By dawn's early edition's light,
and welcomed.
But look for the mute tear,
The eye-cornered drop,
*** tat, that never drops,
But never ceases formation and
Reforming, over and over again,
In a state of perpetuity of reconstitution,
*The tippy tear of an iceberg revealing,
And I see you peeping, wondering,
What is beneath*
Look for:
the torn worm-eaten edges of spirit,
thrift shop bought, extra worn,
grieving lines neath the eyes,
where the salt has evaporated,
discolored the skin.
worry lines,
under and above,
browed mapped, furrowed boundaries.
the laugh line saga,
where better days are stored,
recalled, as well as recanted,
publicly, privately.
Why just men?
I don't know,
Perhaps,
it is all I know. end.<nml>
Jan 6, 2013
Oct 24, 2023
Oct 24, 2023 at 8:05 AM UTC
My doubts..
My flesh eating
All absorbing
Never defeated
Self consuming doubts
Sep 4, 2023
Sep 4, 2023 at 6:36 AM UTC
Loading up countless ammunition for me
Full release
You think so low of me
Breaking me making me feel like I deserve it
But who deserves this
Does forgiveness hurt like this
Even in my wrongness
Does it truly hurt like this…
Sep 4, 2023
Sep 4, 2023 at 6:26 AM UTC
At least this feeling comes with acceptance
Newness
No longer remaining in the safe zone of what I know
Of what is familiar
Stepping in the open
Knowing it could be a better way to explain my motion
It could be intertwined with a deeper devotion
Simply put it could be better
More pure
Not constricted by the bind of needing to rhyme
guided by my most honest being
As if each word is slowly freeing me
Sep 4, 2023
Sep 4, 2023 at 6:23 AM UTC
A simple string that stretches for miles
Intertwined threads that if deciphered could break the masses
Pieces and pieces of me until I’ve unraveled into nothingness
Into meaningless
Quivers in my body as every cell inside me jumps
Begging to be released
Begging to be pulled through this simple string
In agony as they come together
Only to scatter and combust
Causing movement only justifiable to someone on the verge of break
The edge of collapse
How bad could the process be ?
I’m falling into myself on a daily basis
crumbling by each word I hear
Grasping on my skin prying my flesh as if the emotions could exit my pores
Heavy heaves as I grip the soft ends of my consciousness
Lusting after the feeling of when I was okay
swaying restlessly as if I completely lost myself in that moment
Feeling every emotion every thought as every word new word clashes between
My breath from long sighs to short pants as the stimulation cripples me
Curling into the ball that tricks me into believing I’ll be okay
While my internal filter malfunctions at each and every request
Lifting me up and slamming me down
As I attempt countless behaviors to make it bearable
Losing focus
On words on thoughts on the point
Staring at tv screens phone screens
Lost on the glow of LEDS
In a trance unrecognizable to the self
Losing track of time
Having no management no organization no boundaries
A leaf in Mother Natures enchanting wind
With no destination
As life Carries me
Struggling to connect
When I feel every motion so intensely
As if my own self is against me
Sep 4, 2023
Sep 4, 2023 at 4:48 AM UTC
If I could permanently end my tears I would
The way I wear my heart openly but my words like solid wood
Tough but breakable
Everything I’m saying Mistaken for
Love making me feel poor
Lessening my value
When all I can do is think about you
Only waking up early now to cry in peace
And now my tears are dried
And I feel nothing
My heart and my mind becoming completely blank
Sep 4, 2023
Sep 4, 2023 at 4:46 AM UTC
Pain to such a soft spirit soft soul
Turns the aura cold
Turning into a person I’ve never seen before
This not the person I loved that I had feelings for
I don’t know you anymore
Never made my heart this sore
Or you did but at least you acted like you cared
At least you were there
You know I really do love you.
and you’re making it so hard for me..
if you don’t want to I can just let you go.
still trying to reach out when you couldn’t even be bothered with me..
I’ve stopped myself from telling you I hate you so many times..
I never thought you would make me feel this way.
Aug 20, 2023
Aug 20, 2023 at 12:51 PM UTC
On soul I won’t ever give another person my heart..
I no longer have the capacity to love
I’ll no longer reach out for answers
Or try to give us closure
I won’t think about you or how you feel when I begin to detach
I won’t wonder how you think or if you truly want to let go
I’m going to just let you go
I love you so much that if I could see or hear you in this moment I’d melt in your hands
But the distance the silence all the unspoken things festers hate in my heart
Hate that I couldn’t ever hold on to
Which causes trauma because no matter how much you hurt me I want you around
I want to hold you and kiss you
Within all these emotions I feel like they’re not reciprocated
You don’t want me the way i want you
The hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow
Is the fact my favorite person is no longer my favorite person
It hurts to not view you like I once did
It hurts to feel like you don’t care..
It hurts to feel like none of it was ever real
My pain means absolutely nothing to you
As you took every piece of me I had to offer and stomped it down to dirt
Aug 16, 2023
Aug 16, 2023 at 3:37 PM UTC