I try to contain the poison that leaks and streams
from my brokenness
...as tears streak my face
looking like streams in the desert
...but there is no refreshment in these bitter streams...
I heard that it was a choice to be broken
...but why would I choose to break myself? Maybe it was all of the curses that I've spoken-
against myself...
have I unwittingly foretold my own emotional death?
...and all of these years I flaunted it like it was emotional depth...
Whatever the case- it doesn't matter
Noone has hurt me more or been as unkind
As I search the corridors of my heart and my mind,
I find that
It is I
Replay after replay of some emotional torment, trying to find the fault with me...
That **** hurt- why can't I just leave it. Right. There?
What they did hurt! And that **** ain't fair...
Why do I feel the need to make it about me?
It's this kind of behavior that keeps me from being free
I've become my own enemy
...so I lie here and I continue to bleed
And I try to contain the poison that streams
From my brokenness
...as tears streak my face
Looking like streams in the desert
But there is no refreshment...
May 24, 2018
May 24, 2018 at 11:56 AM UTC
I thought that he was THE one...
And he was.
He just wasn't THE one that I had dreamt of and prayed for...
He was my karma.
Mar 11, 2018
Mar 11, 2018 at 11:58 AM UTC
She was music and he was mathematics- without one, the two would not exist.
He was light and she was love and their energies intertwined and intermingled to form a helix of ecstacy and consciousness...
their combined energies rivaled that of an atomic bomb.
Feminine and masculine,
Right brain and left brain...
Simultaneously hard and soft
smooth and rough
Calming and chaotic.
She was fire to his water, but he never sought to put out her flames.
When they finally came together physically and their eyes met, colors of a psychedelic sort exploded around them
And the universe held its breath in anticipation of their consummation...
and every piece fit more snuggly together than the pieces of an old familiar jigsaw puzzle...
This couldn't have been the first time that they had met...
well, maybe in this lifetime.
~KiCo the Conqueror
#TwinFlame
Feb 20, 2018
Feb 20, 2018 at 8:36 PM UTC
Someone once asked me, "How does it taste?"
I responded, "Perfumey." because I didn't think that they would understand, "Fragrant."
They still didn't get it.
So I tried to make them understand what was meant when things were called "fragrant"
...and then I tried to get them to identify with smelling a smell so strong that you can taste it- I gave up...
and answered,
"I'm just weird. The food is good."
Jan 9, 2018
Jan 9, 2018 at 2:33 PM UTC
You love my light, but can you embrace my darkness?
My madness, my neurosis, my insecurities?
You love my laugh, but can you love my tears and my scars and my pain as deeply as you love my joy?
You're willing to bask in my glistening iridescent infinite divine red aura splattered in gold tones...but will you be there when I'm unable to lift myself from the abyss of my ever churning, ever condemning, overthinking mind?
You want to celebrate my successes, but are you willing not to be overly critical of my failed attempts?
Are you willing to encourage me and believe in me when I can't do it for myself?
I'm simultaneously
happy and sad,
hot and cold,
unfettered and bound,
knowing and ignorant,
open and closed,
sure and unsure,
deep and shallow,
obsessed and unconcerned
...can you handle that?
Can you handle me?
Is it too dizzying of a realization that every part of me has a deep opposing counterpart?
Will you stay?
Will you leave? If so- I've just given you permission to do whatever you feel that you need...
You can't have my light without my darkness. You can't have my joy and discard my pain. You can't have my sanity without my insanity. You can't gather the things that you like and discard the ugly parts, further fragmenting my already fragmented soul...
Every part of me longs to feel the warmth of the sun
Every part of me longs to shown off like a most prized possession
Every part of me longs to be nurtured and cared for and protected and validated
Not by everyone- but by YOU
I don't need them. I just need you
Every part of me longs to be seen by you
felt by
loved by
You.
Every. Part.
See my heart, taste my thoughts, feel the colors of my memories
Into me see
Intimacy
~KiCo!
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 10:48 AM UTC
Oh, you don’t know who I am? Allow me to introduce myself-
I am a child of rage and bloodlust
Be careful, now, looking upon me in disgust
Wrinkled nose, lowered brow, narrowed eyes, a protruded tongue
I’ll bet you know my daddy-
His name is Tom
Trying to act all white bread and upper crust
Let’s see how distinguished you act when you feel my knife ******
I carry a straight razor riddled by very intentional rust
You’ll need stitches and a tetanus shot when I inject you with this
Radioactive dust
While I am a child
the last thing that I am is meek and mild
Beneath this timid exterior
Lies something iniquitous, cruel, and superior
Deeply rooted and generational
Begetting, fructifying, spawning, and multiplying…..
This ain’t whatcha want baby,
And I ain’t lyin…
……He punishes the children for the sins of the parents to the third and fourth generation. ( Numbers 14:18)
Jan 4, 2018
Jan 4, 2018 at 8:53 PM UTC
Pain begats pain begats mo pain
series, succession. string, sequence
-a chain
I'd like to pretend that I was surprised
but I cannot feign
-ignorance
woven intricately into the fabric that is me
-it courses through my veins
I realize that it sounds inane
maybe even a little insane
but it is what it is
and what it is
-is a stain
It's so hard to abstain
from feeling and inflicting this pain
this same pain that's been ingrained
from the generations before
-they opened that door and
lacked the knowledge or strength to obtain
the necessary tools to annihilate and decimate
the entrance into things
that would
devastate, level and obliterate
their children and their children and their children and
-my children
On my campaign to feel less pain
I entertain the demons
Mary Jane and *******
In my inebriated state, I was unable to ascertain
the damage that I'd added to my heart and brain
Nothing eased the pain or the shame
All that I had left was the pain
the pain
the pain
So, there I stood
beating my chest and screaming toward heaven
...praying for rain...
Jan 3, 2018
Jan 3, 2018 at 8:26 PM UTC
iridescent
luminescent
reminiscent
of childhood dreams
looks like
blinking lights
shooting stars in the night
when the lights
were cut off from nonpayment
sounds like
cellophane
on a cigarette pack
like
firefly wings scratching their backs
feels like
old butterscotch from grandma's purse
listening to the neighbors
fight and curse
running from bullies
thinkin, "Surely, my heart gone burst!"
taste like
cotton candy
a stolen sip of brandy
while your parents recuperate from the night before...
the night
filled with lights
and promises
and dreams
Dec 14, 2017
Dec 14, 2017 at 9:16 AM UTC
I am resilience, redefined as brilliance
This is anything but happenstance
or a lucky chance;
I was built to last.
My life has been composed of many an instance
full of hindrance and resistance
That knocked the wind smooth out of my sail,
And when I tried to inhale, even that wind was stale-
Musty, stagnant, sour, and dry
So dry that it dried up every tear that my eyes could’ve cried.
But I was gifted with a will that was strong,
And my patience with suffering was long
On the outside, to many, my condition seemed critical-
They laughed at me, because they thought me, an imbecile
All the while I was a warrior being prepared for the fight
A fighter whose weapon required more than sheer might
I am resilience, redefined as brilliance
I am flexibility bathed in light
.…‘Not by power, nor by might, but by My Spirit’, says the LORD of hosts. (Zechariah 4:6)
Nov 20, 2017
Nov 20, 2017 at 1:54 PM UTC
Circular
Cyclical
Unending
Spherical
.......Cycles.
Rinse. Lather. Repeat. Rinse. Lather. Repeat. Rinse. Lather-let's NOT repeat....The cycle goes on, unless we defeat
warped, twisted, distorted mindsets-
lest we forget
that our weapons of warfare are to demolish strongholds...
mindsets.
We can't be walking around blinded and undecided-
not in THIS spiritual climate.
No more Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
We must decrease and let Christ increase...
that's the only way that we can defeat
The Cycle.
~K!Co!
Nov 19, 2017
Nov 19, 2017 at 10:16 PM UTC