Every morning I awake to the same thing.
The walls are ever slowly closing..
Warped into this dark hole,
slowly sinking still.
It amazes me that they can't see.
Even now,
how close I am to the edge. To the end of my existence.
She's suffering silently,
submerged into the depths of loneliness.
Ever aching, forever unsure.
Dec 11, 2021
Dec 11, 2021 at 3:16 PM UTC
Why does the caged bird sing?
I wanted you to see me.
That I was ready to fulfill your every desire.
Your smile, laughter, your cries... your tears mean so much more
..so much more.
I wanted to make you happy, I wanted to see your dreams come true.
You could have been so much more.
My every moment, my reason for being.
A love that gives unconditionally to those unwilling to receive,
my foolish philosopher, all these things and so much more.
I am starting to think "you" will never exist.
In these moments while reflecting I see how "he" could never be "him".
Thus this life, the reason for it, I haven't found it yet..
The caged bird sings because,
…birds sing.
Dec 1, 2021
Dec 1, 2021 at 12:39 PM UTC
I love and hate staring at blank pages.
Love that it's empty, free for my thoughts to flow..
Hate the fear of running out of things to say.. not true.
Fear of my words and what they might be revealing to unforgiving eyes, what they might be saying to untrustworthy fiends.
These pages are always accepting.
Whatever it is I may be feeling,
unable usually to address,
these pages are doors ready to be locked and loaded with each emotion.
truth?
I wonder where the source of happiness lies.
I'm learning all these lessons, accepting all these feelings
my heart is crying..
There is a constant burning in my chest,
I couldn't possibly endure anymore.
I wish I could love freely but my recent lessons prevent me from doing just that..
Everything within it's time I guess.
Every moment felt,
we breathe through our pain.
through the hurt, anger and frustration.
'It's hard. This weight on my chest..
I have no escape from this mess..
Nov 19, 2021
Nov 19, 2021 at 11:20 AM UTC
I’ve been far too comfortable.
That’s not true.
I’ve been tolerating my discomfort, living amongst my pain, cuddling my burdens and stroking my grief.
I’ve mothered my depression into adulthood.
Far closer than my shadow it has become molded to me. A second skin.
It smiles with me,
We model new shoes, try new food and do crazy things together.
Every news is the same.
We’ve lost interest in this world.
If you had options, would you stay on this planet? Exist in this universe ? Is it that the stars are against us ?
We don’t have options though, do we..
With each heavy breath,
it is enough that I still breathe.
Sep 29, 2021
Sep 29, 2021 at 3:40 AM UTC
We can not win Lord.
“You” ask me to trust and hold on.
“You” ask me to forgive and love without question.
“You” ask me to give of myself more than I believe is there.
“You” ask these things of me, expecting me to bend willingly..
And I want to..
God, I don’t know how.
Oct 21, 2020
Oct 21, 2020 at 12:45 PM UTC
In the beginning it’s beautiful, I hate that.
I’d forgotten before the reason for love.
Why we search in earnest for pain.
Pain you can’t ignore even if you try.
Pain that drives you to seek peace, even in the depths of depravity.
How we ache for relief, yearn for freedom..
To be free from what life thought love would never be.
Don’t ask for an explanation.
Take from this what you will.
How easily they forget..
so easy to forget..
Selfish being, you are the worst of them.
“Let your guard down, you’ll be safe with me. “
Lies. Fool.
I’ve given up on what’s left of love in my heart.
No longer eager to find what the world thinks I need to feel complete.
I’m tired and empty.
Nothing left to offer,
And even if I did,
my fear of being robbed of the last bit of me is too constricting.
What hurts more than realizing you meant nothing to someone who you thought was everything?
Ah, I’m done.
Oct 11, 2020
Oct 11, 2020 at 10:50 AM UTC
I don’t think about you.
Instead, I think of ways to be happy.
You are not a part of that.
In my mind, love comes to me.
Loud and clear without hesitation,
Love finds me.
For this to be true,
I know it isn’t you.
Before,
The sun was my reason.
The stars, moon, galaxies, never ending space,
Guiding light, journey without end.
More than fairytales..
Love that is real.
Love that means more..
May 20, 2020
May 20, 2020 at 9:25 PM UTC
I want to introduce to my love language.
Show you places you’ve never dreamed of.
I want to experience myself with you,
Turn pages, start new chapters.
Let me show you my imagination.
Get into this creativity babe..
Wouldn’t you like to see my artistic side ?😏
Trust me, this is more than a joyride.
I’m sure we’ll reach pinnacles, overcome obstacles, engage in satisfying battles, lets leave a mess 🤫
It’s a first for me too, believe that.
Only you, no one else.
May 20, 2020
May 20, 2020 at 8:23 PM UTC
You ..
..were different. I still think so.
I could have, so many times, fallen into you.
Or,
maybe it was the thought of you.
What you could be. What you will become.
I’m jealous.
She’ll have all of what I’ve wanted.
What I think I need now.
But it’s not you and it’s not us.
Apr 9, 2020
Apr 9, 2020 at 11:37 AM UTC