April
The month you died
The month I tried
The month he lied
The month I cried
Death, a funeral, assault, my birth
How can I celebrate my worth,
when I walk campus and all I see
Is you in the trees, his whisper in the breeze
and the blue ribbons that line the paths and cause my heart to freeze
Awareness month, it's meant to heal, to mend,
Instead, it breaks me, on and on and on and on, without end.
The feelings I bury that rise and surge,
In April’s light, they scream, they converge.
Spring unfurls, its colors bold,
Yet all I feel is winter’s hold
Your fading pulse, your fragile frame,
His breath that stains my cheek with shame.
The world sees blooms, the grass revived,
The frost undone, the earth alive.
But I see you, and him, entwined
Two ghosts that April’s cruelty binds.
I cannot weigh your souls as one:
You, my mother, a radiant sun,
Taken too soon, your warmth now gone.
Him, a monster, whose shadow clings,
A curse that festers, bites, and stings.
You both once held me, worlds apart
One with love that filled my heart,
The other with a twisted art.
One I grieve, a loss too deep,
The other I flee, even in sleep.
Your absence haunts my dreams with pain,
A love I’ll never hold again.
His presence stalks my nights with fear,
A specter I pray won’t reappear.
April, you break me, year by year,
With memories that I cannot clear.
Yet still I rise, though scarred, to claim
A life beyond this month of shame.
Apr 16, 2025
Apr 16, 2025 at 5:09 PM UTC
4-19-18
a date i shall never forget
you left me all alone
to leave my pillows wet,
my heart aches more and more
as each day has slowly gone by
i don't know how to get through the day
trying not to cry,
i feel as if i'm an orphan,
not a single soul for me to hold,
all alone in the world,
no new stories left to behold
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 9:28 PM UTC
I LOVE YOU,
three words that mean so much
I LOVE YOU,
three words that can hurt to touch
I LOVE YOU,
three words to be held with care
I LOVE YOU,
three words that are full of fear
Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 7:49 PM UTC
~some say love is real,
others say its a myth,
I think its just a feeling,
you've got to be careful with,~
~if you love to much you could lose them,
the same if you love too less,
some just aren't worth it,
they'll leave your heart a mess,~
~some however are,
they're worth every inch of pain,
you'll sit and cry in the pouring rain,
wondering if they'll change,~
~they always say they'll try,
but do they ever show?
if all they do is make you cry,
maybe you should never have said hello,~
Nov 9, 2018
Nov 9, 2018 at 8:09 PM UTC
Life hurts worse than death,
Something i always known,
But sometimes i find it easier,
To pack my things and go,
I know it will hurt some,
But many will not care,
So here's a list of lovely moments,
I feel the need to share,
My life has had its ups and downs,
Through all i've remained strong,
But i can’t be strong for that long,
It's time for me to move on,
Goodbye to everyone that cares,
I wish you all the best,
But now it's time to say goodbye,
And put myself to rest.
Nov 9, 2018
Nov 9, 2018 at 9:42 AM UTC
The idea of love,
has always been my fear,
but i'll try to overcome,
to keep you held so near,
This fear of mine isn't new,
And surely will last long,
I'm scared of being hurt again,
Scared something may go wrong,
I care about you deeply,
I’m so glad to call you mine,
So for you i’ll win this fight,
All that matters is the time,
I fear you will find better,
And i hope that never comes,
I fear you may have met her,
And you’re both biting your tongues,
But for right now,
I don't know how,
i'm happy that you're mine.
Nov 9, 2018
Nov 9, 2018 at 9:41 AM UTC
~I didn't get to say goodbye,
all I could do was cry,
you've left me all alone,
and only god knows why,
I miss you by my side,
I miss being in your arms,
way too many tears I have cried,
ever since the night I watched you die,
the feeling of depression,
is now my minds obsession,
I feel no need to exist any longer,
they say this will make me stronger,
I feel it only makes me smaller,
I can fake a smile all I want,
but it always finds its way to haunt,
I can close my eyes and hold my ears,
but that doesnt help silence my fears,
I hold my breath to drown the tears,
and pray that I may meet the man upstairs,
I deeply miss you mother,
it's becoming too hard to bear,
in all and complete honestly,
i wish i were up there,
id hold you close,
and kiss your nose,
cry a single tear~
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 10:51 PM UTC