I am in a mental state where I feel as if I am constantly drowning.
My life doesn’t seem to be going straight but constantly rounding
In circles with problems that continue to keep happening
It’s like my guardian angle is just sitting there pointing and laughing
I can’t catch a break for it’s just constant destruction
Demolition day needs to be over and my goals no longer under construction
Every time I move forward I am thrown back five steps back
I don’t know where to go from here all I know is I’m not ready for what’s next
Good, bad, or indifferent it doesn’t really matter
For whatever happens next I will watch it be shattered
My life is a nightmare that I can’t wake up from
this will continue to be my life for the years to come
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019 at 9:46 PM UTC
Is it just me or maybe it’s that I am just a different breed
For there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do when it comes to my seed
I would walk the distance just to be able to put food on the table
I go by many different names but bad father isn’t one of those labels
I don’t understand how parents are ok with just getting by
Because I would do anything for my kids to touch the sky
Maybe I’m wrong and maybe they are doing all that they can
But perception is reality so you have to understand,
Where I am coming from for Im not trying to be the bad guy
I am just asking the questions that we all want to know; why?
Why is it that you have enough money for your drugs
While your children’s stomach is the only thing they’ll hug
These children are walking around with holes in their shoes
All while every Friday night your cabinets are stocked with *****
Isn’t it annoying to see all these dead beat
dads
But dead beat mothers isn’t a conversation to be had
Doing more than what we are doing for our children is my only wish
Because they are the victims here for they didn’t ask for any of this
Oct 7, 2019
Oct 7, 2019 at 1:25 PM UTC
So many thoughts
Yet so little words
So much to say
But never really heard
Always in pain
Yet feelings are numb
Life’s only beginning
But already I am done
Sep 7, 2019
Sep 7, 2019 at 6:29 PM UTC
Look at what we went through just to become strangers again
It’s no longer “honey how was your day” but rather how’ve you been
There is no longer an us there is just a you and a me
We had drifted so far a part from the happiness that used to be
it hurt me for a while and even now but only hurts less
For how miserably we failed when our love was put to the test
Maybe we stayed too long at our paths intersection
Where we once believed our life was headed in the same direction
I won’t lie to you by telling you I haven’t thought about you now and then
And all that we went through just to become strangers once again
Jun 19, 2019
Jun 19, 2019 at 8:53 PM UTC
He is back and I think he’s here to stay
But I must say that I like it better this way
I know that his intentions are only to protect me
So to fight off the side effects stronger I must be
I believe that we can finally do this together
But letting him take control again I could never
He needs to know that now that I am in charge
And is not okay to be on the loose and at large
My demon is back and I prefer it this way
Protecting my heart forever will he stay
My demon needs a name after all he is my only peace
The other side of me will now and forever be known as The Beast
May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 2:12 PM UTC
Oh old friend you have been gone for too long
I can’t even tell you how many times I replayed that sad song
So much has changed but I am still a sucker for love
Only now I see love through the eyes of a raven no longer a dove
I no longer run from pain I embrace it with ease
I have grown to the feeling knowing that it will never leave
My eyes and my heart only sees darkness never again the light
It’s actually pretty comforting seeing each day as if it is night
This dark vision on life really isn’t as bad as it seems
Finding peace in my own death every night in my dreams
Can’t wait to see what this new vision on life can really do
And everything that happens next is all thanks to you
Here’s to the return of an old friend who’s been gone for far too long
And to no longer listening too but rather becoming somebody else’s sad song
May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 2:09 PM UTC
How is it that you can be so close yet still so far
you were to be my moon but you’re just another star
I’ve done and said all that I can
It’s seems as if things haven’t gone as plan
Well at least for me but clearly different for you
For you’ve done the opposite of what you said you’ll do
You said that you’ll love me but that was a lie
Only continue to hurt me but still I try
To love something that is apparently broken
But these words to you will be the last that is spoken
Even though I don’t want to I have to let you go
For I have given you every chance just to let me know
Something, anything that I am where your hearts at
While you continue to use mine as a walk in door mat
So you’ve had your chance maybe the next love that I create
Will appreciate all that I have to offer and thank you for your biggest mistake
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 11:47 AM UTC
Be my peace, for I already have enough pain
If you can’t do that then baby stay in your lane
I’ve had all I can take I’ve had enough crying
Tired of the mental abuse I’m tired of all the lying
All I ask is for you to just be honest with me
For it’s evident that you don’t love what you see
Standing before you so fragile so broken
I know what you are thinking without a single word spoken
Like when you look at me all you can do is think of him
Our flame has finally went out not even just a dim
So I guess in the dark is where I’ll forever sit
For our love is out of matches and nothing left to spark it
Apr 23, 2019
Apr 23, 2019 at 7:25 PM UTC
2012 oh man what a year
That was the year when everything became clear
Six years ago you became a blessing to my life
I delivered you myself, so no need for a midwife
At 9:29 I knew that forever my life would change
And sure enough I was right for things haven’t been the same
As I watch you grow into such a extraordinary young man
I realize more each day that taller I must stand
For you look up to me and mimic everything that I do
I must ensure that you reach further in life than I ever grew
I promise you I will give you better than my best
I will never stop trying I will never stop to rest
Daddy will always love you until his last day
I will love you every second of every minute not just on your birthday
Happy birthday little Ty
Apr 12, 2019
Apr 12, 2019 at 3:03 PM UTC
I hate that every time I close my eyes all I can see is your face
You already left me so why can’t you leave my mental space
You’ve take all that I had to give what is there left for you to take
Thought you were my greatest love ever but that was a horrible mistake
Why haven’t you left my mind why are thoughts of you still here
Why do I hate you so much but at the same time want you near
Maybe one day I’ll find peace maybe one day I won’t care
But until that day comes, whenever I close my eyes your face will be my nightmare
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 7:29 PM UTC