You failed.
You don't get me back.
You live with misery,
I live with grief.
Apr 13, 2018
Apr 13, 2018 at 11:09 PM UTC
Journal entry #2
Curled up on the bathroom floor.
I stare down at my phone, so long, that my eyes glaze over.
Surprised I remembered all the songs that use to set my soul on fire.
Music was always my second love, and then there was you.
Already tipsy, I take a long swig from my bottle of jack and say to myself, (Rip it, its just like a bandaid just do it.)
I hit shuffle and the first song that plays is...
(H.O.L.Y. by Florida Georgia Line)
The pain that washed over me was excruciating. It made every hair on my body stand and shiver. Tears fell from my eyes as my mind brought me right back to that time, and that place, in that car, as I brought you to our home and you sang that song to me.
I remember thanking God in this moment.
I finally had you back. I remember thinking how lucky I was... Blessed.
Thinking we conquered it all.
Feeling like I had died and gone to heaven and there you were.
I felt short of breath, I felt like I was suffocating. Because I never knew such a happiness existed...never wanting someone so much in your life..
Try to see this through my eyes.
Life hasent always been good to me.
I try to see the good in life.
But good things in life are hard to find.
But then, in walks a man I thought was sent from heaven.
Maybe, it was finally my time to be happy?
God is that you?
Too blind to see it at the time, but God was saying No the entire time.
I was blown away, what could I say?
It all seemed to make sense at the time.
Stupid me, thinking he loved me, as much as I loved him.
Mar 27, 2018
Mar 27, 2018 at 6:12 PM UTC
"How do you let out all of your pain?" said the beautiful red-head.
"I write."
"How does that help?" asking questionably
"Do you know how when you open a coke bottle, and its shook up so its super full?..."
"Yes"
"Well, its kinda like that... You have to take it slow and let air slip one moment at a time." I say.
Mar 27, 2018
Mar 27, 2018 at 6:06 PM UTC
The clouds have lifted and cleared
But my soul is still dark and depressed
I see the ocean
Craving the waves I want to swim...
Deeper into my emotion
Just to touch my beautiful
Yet painfully stricken brittle seafloor......
Mar 27, 2018
Mar 27, 2018 at 5:55 PM UTC
As the day grows
Darker and Darker
My mood falls
Deeper and deeper
Into the bottom
Of my new jar
Because all of the other hundreds
Are full
Mar 27, 2018
Mar 27, 2018 at 5:45 PM UTC
She never stopped crying
She felt like she was dying
She wore her scars on her back
And Carried her problems like a backpack
She didn't know how great she could grow up to be
She didn't know if she wanted to wait long enough to see
She was ready to give in
Shoulders slouched and a low chin
She didn't think they really cared
About all that was left unsaid
They called out to her
But it was all just a blur
But after calling and calling,
She Almost found herself falling
Until she was caught by a familiar face
And suddenly the world became such a beautiful place
-LilLaeta
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 10:27 PM UTC
Why do people love?
Do they even know what it means or do they just throw it around like it’s nothing?
When you say it, you should mean it.
You should know what it is and understand what that means.
All I hear now is children saying the word as if they understand it’s meaning.
They yell at their parents and elders trying to convince them that they know what it is.
How can only mear children know and understand the word that is said constantly if I don’t know its meaning?
How can these children walk around thinking that they know better than adults?
How can they think that these adults who have seen more struggle in their time then kids today know nothing?
Love is something that most adults do not know to this day and are trying to find.
Why is it that everyone says that they love but not long after it turns into hate, envy, and greed.
What is love?
There are many theories but there is no way to find the right one.
Is love weak, powerful, a mix, maybe it’s just one emotion.
Or maybe it more.
How can we tell?
It is a test or quiz that life gives that only a few may pass?
Is there a purpose?
Is it a game that is played by everyone?
Is it something the brain makes to prevent it from going insane?
Something that could help it cope with life and everything in it?
Something that even through all the negative problems something positive can come from it?
How can we know if we don’t understand?
So why then lie?
Why say you love someone if you don’t even know the full idea of the word love?
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
I look up and only see stars
You know there not that far
Unable to see the future and remember the past
But the present disappears so fast
It reminds me of his eyes.....
Nights filled with sorrow and sighs
Fields surrounding, full of lights
Pretending its alright
Darkness surrounds us now
While listening to distant howls
Breath like winds
Moans unable to apprehend
As stars start to vanish
He paints the sunrise on His canvas
I look over and you start to fade
My eyes fill with tears as emotions invade
Now only a distant memory
Feels like a century
Hiding under my fake smiles
Going though acres of trials
Glimpses of you at certain hours
Grab my attention and moments empower
Unable to witness you in sunbeams
Only able to stare at you in my dreams
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 9:46 PM UTC
Sometimes everything seems like absolutely nothing.
Reality is there...
but only seen from a distance.
Feb 24, 2018
Feb 24, 2018 at 5:40 PM UTC