We spent the time on our backs
engulfed in blankets and your computer light
and I slept while you worked
your brother made me a tv dinner
and i asked you why you treat me this way
on the drive home
I can't remember your answer anymore
but i know I held my tears until I made it
to the front door
Aug 22, 2017
Aug 22, 2017 at 1:40 PM UTC
Sleeping in your bed, next to you
For the first time
Is far more intimate than I'd like to admit
But the bobby pins on your window sill
Remind me that you are not mine
I am nothing more than a warm body
To slide into when you get bored
constantly reminding myself I am
Good enough, that your indifference
Is reason enough to walk away
But I don't walk away, I follow
The familiar path to your front door
And in a tangle of legs and sheets
I come undone
Jul 2, 2017
Jul 2, 2017 at 11:26 AM UTC
I’ve always had a morbid curiosity
about the way it felt to die
and if you really see
all of those moments
flash before your eyes
or does your spirit
soar towards a light?
do you go directly to paradise,
or plunge into purgatory?
do you find out the truth
about gods and men?
does death surround you in darkness
like a burnt out match?
It always comes back to
Is death really the end?
Mar 28, 2017
Mar 28, 2017 at 11:08 PM UTC
and i get that come over text
you’ve been up all night drinking
while I got ****** in my bed
I said, give me five. then, on my way
You answer the door and invite me to sit
and I cant remember how it happened but
one minute you’re lighting the **** for me
because my arms won’t reach and the next
I can taste the yuengling on your lips
and your hands are everywhere,
you know just how to touch me,
I’ve always wondered how this would feel
when it’s over I let you put your head on my chest
while your hands trace patterns across my skin
I leave just before we both fall asleep
this didn’t mean anything.
Mar 4, 2017
Mar 4, 2017 at 1:07 PM UTC
Fear is a curious thing
It can hold you in place
Or propel you into the unknown
But all of us have one
some of us even face ours
and some of us hide from them,
But another will always follow
Fear isnt always terror
In life or death situations
Fear is largely just a discomfort
with an idea or hypothetical situation
people mould their lives around
This notion, let it twist their vision
And harden their hearts
Or show them the strength of their faith
In man and god, devils and angels, themselves.
Oct 25, 2016
Oct 25, 2016 at 11:19 PM UTC
to end an awful year
I kissed someone
and ****** someone else,
he left bruises
in the shape of his hands
and scratches covering my back
just the way I like it
but the entire time i couldn’t help
wishing he was anyone else
Maybe even the tall one
with the pretty smile and
really good ****
whom I met on the train
or maybe he could have been
the one that ****** me standing,
holding me in the middle of the living room
all bulging muscles and dark skin
or the boy I’ve spent 5 years
trying to get to admit he cares
about more than just my small body
writhing underneath his
and I’ll continue searching
for something I’m missing
and when I don’t find it in a lover
I’ll disappear and search for
anything else to keep me
from getting too attached
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 1:51 AM UTC
I cant stop thinking about
The thing I want most.
Not money or relationships
Or a bunch of mind altering substances
Just one more moment,
To hear you say
“i love you, seester.”
i wish i didnt remember
How cold and hard your arms felt
Or the way your face looked,
Blue and gray under a layer of
Caked on stage makeup
I miss you
100 times more today
And i will miss you
100 times more tomorrow
I will miss you 100 times more
Everyday
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 1:50 AM UTC
at the end of autumn life changed
And i spent the winter hidden,
an apartment In a new city
And threw myself into working
And fighting off the demons in my head
But it wasnt enough
I felt a shaking in my chest
That never completely went away
It rattled my bones and
Tumbled my head
freezing wind brought Spring
And I almost managed to convince myself
I am better
But if im honest
Im worse
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 1:48 AM UTC
The smoke fills
lungs and pages
pressed
In ink
between lips
And the satisfaction
Of feeling something else
No, someone else
With their hands in my hair
And the feel of skin
Pressed against mine
And my mom caught us,
"I know why you wanted me to leave"
I won't tell her that
He ****** me on her couch
And right there on the
Living room floor
As the sun came up
Dec 28, 2015
Dec 28, 2015 at 12:33 PM UTC
With one phone call my world fractured,
a short drive to the ER and it had shattered
Im used to tears and the ever present sadness
But nothing feels as devastating
As the moment I lost you
I stared at you, lying there
Your fingers turning blue
I felt your skin grow cold
I kissed your forehead, your cheek,
Your beautiful blue eyes
Hidden behind lids
never opening again
My tears fell onto your face, in your hair,
They soaked part of your hospital gown
I begged for you to wake up
Please, I pleaded
I couldn't believe that I would never
See you smile, hear your laugh, your voice again.
You fell in love with a monster
And he made you believe
He was all you'd ever need,
With a tiny ***** he took you away from me
This monster stole everything you had
Your little girl, your faith, your family,
Until he took the last thing you could give
I think about those last moments
Before he ****** you all the way in
Were you scared? Alone?
Did you see it coming
Or was it quick?
Dec 24, 2015
Dec 24, 2015 at 11:16 PM UTC