More and more often I feel ashamed for loving you. Not because you don’t deserve love but because of the love that I don’t feel.
Jun 21, 2020
Jun 21, 2020 at 8:15 PM UTC
I can feel that pain of you forgetting me. I wait pathetically for my phone to light up from your text.
The anxiety of you forgetting me about me is killing me. Then again, I’m not the memorable anyway.
Jan 7, 2020
Jan 7, 2020 at 5:34 PM UTC
it is just me missing you.
that is what my hands tell me as they steadily shake.
that is what my eyes tell me when everywhere i look, i hope you appear.
that is what my heart tells me when a simple thought of you shatters the entirety of me.
nothing makes my heart feel emptier than wanting you in it.
sad birds still sing in my head. as i wish you missed me too. i would give my very being to feel the end of missing you. that's what my eyes beg for as they stare at my bare ceiling, they beg for the feeling of not missing you so they can shut and let me rest. But, they are awake, and i miss you.
love has become a feeling of resent and sorrow,
and it sounds like sadness.
i want you to know, i miss you with a passion so blind.
i wish you were terrified of losing me. i wish it with the weight of the memory of the sun on your face, and my smile from that alone. your light illuminates my every memory of you, and a light like yours doesn't go out.
i will dream about you off and on
i will hear our conversations dance between my ears
i will remember the galaxy you brought me, when i only expected a plant
i can tell someone a lot about you.
now comes the hard part, the constant dreading asking.
why couldn't i have been better?
why couldn't i have gotten over my fears and given you all of me, instead of the half finished painting?
why couldn't i have been anything that would make you stay?
maybe im kidding myself again, maybe its childish to think that someone who almost loved you cares enough to wonder if you slept alight? perhaps its childish to wish you couldn't love me for no reason at, but i know there is a reason for this all.
you must know that my fingers are sad, my stomach aches from the loss. my regret is a flower plucked before its bloom.
chances are, ill never get my beloved moments with you again, or to tell you all these things.
there will always be times i miss you
i miss you the most in times like these, while i lay awake at night and think about the times i spent with you, and how they came to be the most memorable moments of my life.
but for now i will lay here, think erratically for hours and probably type some text for you and delete it. as i now it is pointless.
i will stupidly stare at the black nothingness of my phone, waiting for your name to appear. but in my heart of hearts i know this to not be true, but still i will watch.
its just me missing you, that all it is
Jan 5, 2020
Jan 5, 2020 at 2:48 AM UTC
Distance has been a theme throughout my life. I violently say, I hate distance and the things it’s taken from me. I’ve found happiness and love in several places, but distance pulls them away from me. Now I watch as distance starts to strangle me and remind me once more; the power it holds over me. Distance makes me wonder. Did you think think about how my day was? Did you think about my heart? Did you think about....me? Once more distance has its hands on, but this time I wish it would let things be.
Now with a heavy heart my days become gray. What do I do at night? What do I do in the morning? What do people do when they can’t think about someone. The sky above me is grey, stripped of its stars.
I have loved butterflies my whole life. My favorite person in the whole told me butterflies proof the magic is real. I feel sick now as I compare heart break to butterflies
Our lives are made of perfect moments, but not this moment. This moment is a blow to the chest. It comes with a burn, I know it’s the butterflies dying inside. Every breath comes with the pain of love leaving. I know the pain will drift with time. But, as sure as the sun that no longer shines, another blow and another butterfly will die. There is no break from heartbreak.
As i wonder what to do, alone here I ask. How is even when love leaves, it doesn’t leave? Why am I so helplessly brought back to. Now I have to watch, distance take another thing from me.
Jan 3, 2020
Jan 3, 2020 at 11:46 PM UTC
listen to love’s marching band.
i am tired of my grief, and I would like you to love me.
don’t look at your feet, while you can look at stars.
don’t forget to love me.
a song delivered to you, a wind chill and blank space. the song is quiet, so you can sleep.
Oct 24, 2019
Oct 24, 2019 at 3:25 AM UTC
I just need you to see me hurting without me telling you.
Because my words are bleeding out of my mouth, waiting for you to stitch me up and make me fine.
Although I know it’s not your job, and you’re better of without me.
I need you to see me one last time.
Feb 24, 2019
Feb 24, 2019 at 8:24 PM UTC
You are the reason I sleep during the day time to keep the dreams away,
and stay awake at night to keep myself from reliving the nightmare.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 12:51 PM UTC
I close my eyes when it’s hurts sometimes.
Time pushed me to the edge, but the jump was my decision.
Although I’ve asked you this before,
Just listen while I ask you once more.
Can you not walk out the door.
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 10:05 AM UTC
I buried how much I missed you
Buried it to the bottom of my heart
But it’s still there,
Digging
The way back to the surface
Suffocating me with every breath.
I miss you and you tried to miss me.
I loved you and you tried to love me.
That is how I will remember you.
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 2:15 AM UTC
The wind smelled of her hair that day, a world far less perfect without her. I began to find her in everything, the rain, the stars, the trees, the moon. It all whispered her name. For that moment the flaming memory of her wrapped itself around the universe, speaking to me in the language of ghosts.
She has no idea how beautiful it is to love her from a distance.
Apr 8, 2018
Apr 8, 2018 at 8:17 PM UTC