Ive never asked for help
But I’ve begged people to love me
Promised them if they looked
They’d see something good
Deserving
Worthwhile
I never asked them to be gentle
Or kind
Sep 19, 2023
Sep 19, 2023 at 10:26 PM UTC
If you're gone
where the hell am I
Your laugh echoes
crashing off empty surfaces
ricocheting in my mind
through my ribs
I can't find the source
And the smile is gone
nothing to wrinkle your eyes
crescendo of happiness
splayed across your face
And I can't see your face
it's right there in my mind
nearly touching you
feeling the warmth
always warmer than me
And I ache
with this ricocheting laughter
with this missing smile
with this coldness invading my body
I'll keep reaching
my whole life I think
I will be reaching
popping bones from sockets
joints and tendons and ligaments
stretching skin until it's taut
and maybe even tearing
just to feel a graze
just a graze of warmth
see that crescendo of happiness
mirrored on my own face
But you're gone
And where the hell am I
Jan 23, 2023
Jan 23, 2023 at 10:21 PM UTC
I knew
That you’d miss me
that I stained you
like tea in water
I changed your color
I knew
You couldn’t forget
the little things
at my very best
love like gold
I knew
you’d go through me
Like a sieve
gradual disappearance
Eventual hello again
I knew
Everything
the very end
way back
in the beginning
Oct 1, 2020
Oct 1, 2020 at 3:45 PM UTC
If
They loved you
you would not ache
When they raised their voice
Or tremble
When their mood shifted
you would not fear
A specific tone
or shrink
when they entered the room
if they loved you
it wouldn’t hurt
You wouldn’t beg
for Kindness
Aug 24, 2020
Aug 24, 2020 at 2:50 PM UTC
We are utterly insignificant
And yet
In this moment
Embers of existence
Burning wax falsehoods
Away from this truth:
I think not of water
Air to breathe
Dirt to dig my heels into—
There is only you.
Nov 30, 2019
Nov 30, 2019 at 12:33 AM UTC
Sometimes I wonder
How hard it was to let me go
Or if it was easy
Was it like sand
You loosened your grip
I fell through the cracks
Of your overbearing fingers
Or was it like ice
The strongest grasp
Only made me slip away faster
Like you never really had me?
Jul 26, 2019
Jul 26, 2019 at 5:21 PM UTC
You told me you loved me
And it took me a moment
A millisecond thought
Heart in my stomach
A time I could only picture
If they heard my “I love you”
When they had their hands on
Another
And another millisecond
Merciless thoughts
How easy it was for them
To look in my eyes
And wish they were someone else’s
Hopes higher than my head
Heart dropping to my feet
A millisecond to remember
Wishing they’d have mercy on me
Only a moment
To know delicate
And kindness without expectation
You hold my chin
Stop me from looking at my feet
Have mercy on me.
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 2:08 PM UTC
I used to think
It was good
To be a little of everything
Until you said
I wasn’t enough
Of anything.
Feb 7, 2018
Feb 7, 2018 at 12:02 PM UTC
You don’t trust
Pierce me with words
Silver tongue sharpened
Clean entrance
Catastrophic exit
I don’t let go
Perforating my edges
If my word will give way
But it won’t.
Feb 2, 2018
Feb 2, 2018 at 2:34 PM UTC
I have never
Known anyone
Who hated
And loved me
Like you do
The fire keeps me warm
And burns me alive.
Jan 23, 2018
Jan 23, 2018 at 8:39 PM UTC