I need an answer.
I need to hear your voice.
I need to feel the warmth of your hug
and the bliss of your lips.
I need to know,
does she give you what you need?
Does she make you feel more than I ever could?
Does she hold you while you cry?
Is she everything you couldn’t find in my eyes?
I want an answer,
knowing the need is not necessary;
knowing the response will break me
more than I broke your self esteem.
Time passes,
two years to be exact.
But I need to know,
Does she sleep with my blanket,
the one I gave you?
Does she hold your hand as you drive?
Does she run her hands through your hair,
that you used to melt over?
Does she sit for hours with your mom,
laughing through the childhood memories she shares?
Is she everything you couldn’t find in my eyes?
I need an answer.
I want an answer.
A list of questions,
that could continue for pages,
but all I truly want to know;
Does she love you like I loved you?
Jun 20, 2019
Jun 20, 2019 at 10:20 AM UTC
Forced visitations
weren't your determination.
Heartache
and mistakes.
Tore us down
like we weren't even your own.
You shut us down,
made us feel all alone.
The day you raised your hand,
I will never understand.
You lost all trust,
leaving us in disgust.
You never cared from the beginning,
how silly of me to thank you,
but as I grew
I pushed through.
I wouldn't want to be the person
I knew of you.
You taught me one thing
and that one thing is
not who to be
and who not to love.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:28 PM UTC
I fell for your smile
I fell for your eyes
and your laugh,
oh how it lights up the night
The butterflies that flutter
every time I see your face
But I will never understand
what keeps holding me back
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:23 PM UTC
craving the taste of your lips,
the warmth of your chest pressed against mine,
the heat radiating off of our bodies;
craving you.
May 23, 2019
May 23, 2019 at 12:19 PM UTC
You should never have to apologize for being in love
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 12:22 AM UTC
As I laid there once more with your arms
wrapped around my waist, head wresting in my chest,
I whispered,
"something keeps leading me back to you, if only I knew."
You lifted your head, smiled and asked what I said.
I never repeated what I said but
you still grasped a little tighter and said,
"it's always been you, there's something about you."
At that very moment; same thought we had in mind,
I realized its not a "something," but a "someone"
and that someone is happily you--
Until an hour later after you held me,
you held another and that
'happily,' turned quickly to 'sadly.'
--Left to question why; question how,
but simply replied,
"I'm used to it, too many to count."
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 12:15 AM UTC
Letting go of you took two years;
two long dreadful years.
Downed a few beers,
holding back all tears.
Here I am,
happier than I’ve ever been,
laughing at the thought of you
and all your lies.
Moving on from the broken and bruised;
bettering health and well being.
Sitting back breaking out in laughter
as you destroy the next me.
I would warn her
I do want to
but the fact she sat back with you
and betrayed me
you can destroy her too.
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 10:46 PM UTC
I miss our Rick & Morty Marathons
and your attempt teaching me how to play Fortnite.
I miss the "I love you's"
and texts filled with blue hearts.
I miss your smile lighting up the room,
the gazing into each other's eyes,
and our quirky giggles
as we glanced at each other.
I miss lying by your side,
holding each other so tight.
I miss ********** anywhere
whenever we got the urge.
I miss our movie dates
and convincing our parents
to stay out late.
I miss our late night drives
and the way you'd mess with me,
turning the radio volume up and down
every time I danced insane
in your passenger seat.
I miss our first kiss on the rock
at Getty Heights Park
and our last in your car
dropping me off.
I miss sneaking out my bedroom window
and our late night smoke sessions.
I miss you sneaking up behind me,
picking me up
and throwing me into the pool.
I miss you holding me from behind,
looking in the mirror
as you whispered, 'I love you.'
I miss doing your English homework
and the inappropriate jokes
you'd leave on the shared doc.
I miss our long hour phone calls,
talking about whatever came to mind,
laughing hysterically.
I miss all your dogs,
but most of all Coco
and taking her to the vet.
I miss your family
and your mom's dinners
and persistence of getting me to eat.
I miss cheering you on at all your
hockey and football games
and supporting you through your decision
to join the Marines.
I miss getting caught,
and getting condoms thrown at us.
I miss our long texts;
good morning and goodnight;
good luck and it'll all be okay.
I miss "bby"
and "your my princess" to "queen;"
"prince" to "king."
The list continues,
missing everything about us.
But most of all,
I miss you.
Jan 24, 2019
Jan 24, 2019 at 7:01 PM UTC
Consumption--
Egocentric narcissist.
That you are.
Father, remarkably absorbed.
Two years young, I was.
Fresh eyes welcomed to agony.
First held in the arms of love then passed into
The meaningless fingertips so sharp of an alcoholic.
A woman purely giving birth.
One, two, three,
Fourth I was.
An illusion she lived;
You nastily allured.
Three kids, alright.
But four?
I guess you had enough.
A turn.
A sight.
Dad, where’d you go?
One step you took
Closer to the ***** you consumed.
A better life we were off,
Until visitation rights ate us alive.
The liquor may have consumed you,
But nothing is worse than,
You, my father,
Consuming my soul;
My worth.
Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Alternating weekends.
Rivers streamed into oceans,
Caving into black holes
Into the dusk of hell,
We involuntary inflicted.
Wrongfully done, you lived.
Can’t take back the past you chose,
Not one this big.
Left alone four kids who were your own.
A vision I imagined.
A father insight.
Loved and protected,
All out of sight.
Lies.
Hurtful lies carved in deep.
Flesh and bone, I disintegrated.
Jan 24, 2019
Jan 24, 2019 at 6:26 PM UTC
You can’t stop loving somebody.
That’s not how it works.
Love, is love
And love doesn’t die.
True love will linger through with you,
Through all the guys you date, talk to, fool around with.
You can be happy with somebody else,
But still can’t seem to break the wall of loving your true love.
Because here you see,
That true love doesn’t die.
It will linger along by your side until the day you die.
And if true love is meant to be,
It will one day soon appear without a notice in the sky.
True love,
I love you, dear.
Jan 24, 2019
Jan 24, 2019 at 6:23 PM UTC