IndieJude - Hello Poetry

I've recently put on some weight after being 95 pounds and twiggy for years. I hate myself for the weight. I see the past me and not even recognize myself. I feel like I weigh too much to be beautiful, that the clothes I love to wear were made for 95 pound me. I've morphed into someone I do not know yet. My chest too big My stomach the shape of a cereal box instead of an hourglass My big hip-dips My scars and my stretch mark. I'm not beautiful to the modeling agencies Or the people that run the tv. I do not see people that look like present me, only ones that look like past me. I'm healthier now and happier, but I cannot help but envy the skeleton, The lost me. The sad me. The past me. I hate that I envy her. I wish I could accept the new me, The alive me.

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Aug 30, 2021

Aug 30, 2021 at 11:14 AM UTC

IndieJude

Myself and Beauty Standards.

I've recently put on some weight after being 95 pounds and twiggy for years. I hate myself for the weight. I see the past me and not even recognize myself. I feel like I weigh too much to be beautiful, that the clothes I love to wear were made for 95 pound me. I've morphed into someone I do not know yet. My chest too big My stomach the shape of a cereal box instead of an hourglass My big hip-dips My scars and my stretch mark. I'm not beautiful to the modeling agencies Or the people that run the tv. I do not see people that look like present me, only ones that look like past me. I'm healthier now and happier, but I cannot help but envy the skeleton, The lost me. The sad me. The past me. I hate that I envy her. I wish I could accept the new me, The alive me.

22

Something that I’m passionate about is art. Whenever I’m stuck on a feeling, a thought, a memory, or even a conversation that makes me upset, I draw. I let my feelings flow through my pen or brush. It airs out all the gunk inside myself. Sometimes its just intense scribbles that tear up the page, or a bright painting, or maybe a crying clown. Its how I express myself. Its how I speak my truth. Its just how I relax, it’s calming, comforting, safe.

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Aug 25, 2021

Aug 25, 2021 at 10:37 AM UTC

IndieJude

Passion

Something that I’m passionate about is art. Whenever I’m stuck on a feeling, a thought, a memory, or even a conversation that makes me upset, I draw. I let my feelings flow through my pen or brush. It airs out all the gunk inside myself. Sometimes its just intense scribbles that tear up the page, or a bright painting, or maybe a crying clown. Its how I express myself. Its how I speak my truth. Its just how I relax, it’s calming, comforting, safe.

1

Let’s talk about here and now. I know you’re no longer in control of your own soul. What changed you? Was it the hole in your heart that caused your body to burn like a California wildfire? Open up to me, please. Tell me about your wildest dreams. When I show you the darker side of me What is it exactly that you see? Do you not like all of my questions? Do they make you squirm in your seat? Tell me, please. Let me fill that hole for you Put out that raging fire Cause the longer you burn The bigger your flames get The more I start to melt away.

0

Jun 7, 2019

Jun 7, 2019 at 7:48 PM UTC

IndieJude

"Fire"

Let’s talk about here and now. I know you’re no longer in control of your own soul. What changed you? Was it the hole in your heart that caused your body to burn like a California wildfire? Open up to me, please. Tell me about your wildest dreams. When I show you the darker side of me What is it exactly that you see? Do you not like all of my questions? Do they make you squirm in your seat? Tell me, please. Let me fill that hole for you Put out that raging fire Cause the longer you burn The bigger your flames get The more I start to melt away.

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