I can’t help but smile when she enters a room
Beautiful hazel eyes that hold memories that will never go stale,
soft curls that dance with the breeze,
a smile so warm that it melts me into nothing more than my tender heart,
high cheekbones smattered with constellations
She is endless possibilities and the flame of adventure
Brilliance, spoken with a voice that not even the gods could hope to have
Her love is the lick of a flame over your skin that never burns
It’s the laughter of Icarus as he fell,
relishing in the scalding wax dripping down his spine and tang of sea spray
It’s the taste of herbal tea with a dollop of lavender honey on an autumn evening
There’s nothing quite like it,
overwhelming in the best of ways,
a taste of what it means to live instead of survive
It is an understatement to simply say that I adore her,
it is so much more than that
I don’t think that the word to describe it’s depth has been invented yet
She’s taught me of a love that is incomprehensible to the unacquainted mind
She embodies life
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 5:44 AM UTC
What time is it again?
No, don't look at your phone
It’s too bright,
it’ll wake you up
I was supposed to be asleep, right?
Wait,
no…
was I?
I can’t see the clock in the dark anyways,
why do I even bother-
Too bright,
ow,
****
I do the same thing every time and expect a different result
That’s the definition of insanity.
Wait a second,
there’s no way I sat here for-
…
What day is it?
Where am I?
What am I doing?
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 5:42 AM UTC
The shovel is in the same place I always leave it
Numbly I think to myself of the caked grime that’ll require a shower
as I perform a stand up routine for the nth time
Twigs crack under my boots
How often do I come here?
The number is unclear
and dirt pile grows
A burning cold settles over me like fog
I dig a little faster
I always have to end up in these situations, don't I?
It’s shallow, barely enough to work,
but then again they all are
“Lift with your knees, not your back”
I’ll have to thank whoever told me that later
A resounding grunt echoes throughout,
and I finish the job
The surrounding ground is ridden with raised mounds
How many again?
One… two… three… four…
Too many others I don’t have the time to count
I do, I just don't want to
Not after last time
Turning on my heel, I walk away
leaving the bodies I bury to rot at the crevices of my mind
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 5:39 AM UTC
Have you ever let the night sky blanket you during the dead of night?
The barest of clouds invited to a masquerade with the subjects of the moon,
pirouetting with such grace and skill that it appears to be a work of the gods?
She is a silent melody whispered to those who listen
Did you know that the moon is warm?
A golden halo radiating her beauty,
beaconing your gaze towards her
She is a haven,
sanctuary,
the only one I can truly call home and the guide who watches over me
I know that if nothing else,
there is the moon.
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 5:36 AM UTC
I coo at soft fur under my fingertips, warm and full
A rumbling like a car engine bursting to life under my touch
I’ve never been able to resist their bright eyes,
voices echoing after me and deft paws figure eighting around my ankles
Small damp noses,
delicate ears,
wicked sharp claws and wits to match
Heaven is contained in a thick coat and sun warmed naps
Oct 4, 2021
Oct 4, 2021 at 5:14 AM UTC
It's a thought that plagues my mind at odd hours of the night
Running on loop behind muffled sobs
Looking but never finding an answer
I must have done something awful, horrendous, obscene to deserve it
It had to be my fault
Why else would those thing happen?
Then I stood across from you
My mind aflame
Searching for something, anything that could explain 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
A little blue hand-me-down Keurig
Why?
It's just an object, basic machinery sold to the masses
They're so common
And yet I could even comprehend how it was sitting right in front of me
This isn't right
I'm a poet
A musician
A painter
An artist
My entire purpose is to understand and create something better than myself from that understanding
I'm known for my long winded detailed tangents that explain exactly what I'm feeling
But I just 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵
It doesn't make sense
Why can't I make sense of it?
Why can such a small thing evade me?
I suppose history repeats itself
When I kept staring at that beautiful piece of houseware with watery eyes one thing kept coming to mind
What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing answered
How am I supposed to leave it to the unknown?
It's wrong
It's not what I'm made for
I just-
Why?
I named him Drizzle
It’s dorky as hell, but I think it suits him
It is part of his basic functions after all
To lazily brew a warm mug of coffee as everything happens around him
He could never understand the half of it
I don't think he even knows where he is
But he still happily goes about such a simple task
Nothing else matters
There's another meaning to his name
More depressing, to be sure
But I think it gives him more character
You know how it's thought that rain is a deity sobbing?
So anguished that it shows its inner turmoil to all?
As I cried, hearing the pitter patter of rain on the pavement outside
Far heavier than a drizzle, but I digress
I thought of that
And I couldn't help but think that sometimes we were wrong
It wasn't suffering, for me at least, but raw confusion and happiness and amazement
Over something so small that meant so much
You said that when you bought him, you wanted him in blue because it was a happy color
And you're right
It is a happy color
A hell of one at that
That's why I named him Drizzle
Because I was so overjoyed that I let tears flow down my cheeks like rivers
And maybe I'll never understand him
Maybe I will
I don't know if it even matters what context he exists by
Maybe he just needs to be exactly who he is
And nothing more
Why do I have to find purpose when I don't need it to love him?
I think that's my answer
Nothing and everything at once
I don't think I have to try to understand when there isn't anything to understand
Maybe my fear of the unknown is completely unfounded
Sometimes the unknown is okay
I don't think I could receive a more meaningful gift
There were some that I never thought could be topped
But they were
By that little blue hand-me-down Keurig
And I have to thank you
For everything really
But right now, it's for completely changing the meaning of a question I have been asking myself for years
What did I do to deserve this?
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 7:10 AM UTC
What happened?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you go back to your old ways?
You used to make an attempt
You used to try to relate to me
Not as an mere acquaintance, but as a friend
I wanted to like you
I wanted to be friends with you
I wanted to give you a semblance of my care
I wanted to be proud to call you my brother
But you left
You left without a note
Without a word
Without a single whisper into the wind as to why
You left me alone again to question my worth
You left me as if I was just an old teddy bear
It was like you grew out of me
Like a pair of old hole ridden shoes
You tossed me aside
But then you came back
Not as you were to me
Not as someone I could say was my brother
Not as someone
I could say was my friend
Not even as someone I could look in the eye without feeling let down
Now came back as who you were before
As if the fun times we had didn't matter in the slightest
As if you wiped them from your memory
As if they never happened at all
They might as well never had happened
Because all they did was let me down more
And it hurts
Like a ball of led trapped in your throat
It’s painful
And it weighs you down
And it stays
I wanted it to work so badly
I wanted to love you
But whenever I look at you now,
I only think of the inner anguish you caused me
I know it’s not much to you
It’s probably not anything to you
But it was so much more to me
And what am I then?
Nothing to you, apparently
Now i'm just another impromptu babysitter
Now i’m just a wallflower
Now i’m just someone you thought you could pretend to care about
But I don't think you ever even cared to keep the facade
Not once
I’m sorry I was just another expense to factor in for those few months
I’m sorry I just became another hindrance for you to work around
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough
I can’t look at you without realizing what I truly was to you
I can’t think about you without thinking about that
And it hurts
It hurts so much
And in all that hurt and pain and longing for something I know never will happen
And in that, anger, pure and unadulterated
A flaming ball of anger and fury and hatred that combines into a beast of your creation
And when ever I feel the anguish you caused me,
The beast rears its head and guards it
And it makes sure that I know it’s still there
It makes sure that I feel it and remember it
It wants me to
But it’s not doing it to torture me
It’s doing it to protect me
To protect me from you and your ways
The ways that hurt me so
And it will never be able to be reversed
And the beast is making sure of it
Because even if the beast is made of rage and despair
It’s far more gentle to me than you were with my emotions
The beast is my friend
The beast reminds me to stay strong
It reminds my to push through
It reminds it to survive you
And it reminds me to not let my guard down to you again
Now to me, you are nothing
You’re a roadblock to happiness
You’re a stone wall blocking hopes
You’re just an annoying little gnat that doesn't know any better
So, you have heard me through
And you know my piece
And you know that you will never get the privilege to be called my brother
Whenever you look at me
Whenever you hear my voice
Whenever you think of me
I want you to think of these very words I wrote with tear blurred eyes
The words I wrote powered with emotion
The words I wrote it intent
The words I wrote to make you feel for a faction of a second what I feel
Now i’ll cut the pleasantries and give you my final verdict
**** you, Derek Nebergall, **** you
May 26, 2019
May 26, 2019 at 1:05 AM UTC
With eyes that can strike both fear and awe
and a heart that was forged of gold
A mind filled with wisdom beyond the Library of Alexandra's
and a touch of a mothers love
A hug of a fresh blanket
and a smile of sun rays
A laugh of life
and a ferocious love that envelopes all that are worthy
It is in them that I find solace
from the world and its many ravines
And when I need it most
I can always find them there
It is in them that I bestow trust
as if a chest of ancient relics
And all they have to do is look at me
and I know they'll be safe
I love you, good friend
More than I even know
Overflowing like a flood
with as much force as an earthquake
I shall always be there, my friend
and i'll do anything for you
For you are the most beautiful dragon
and I could never find another
Because in your soul, is a soul like mine
kindred spirits beyond time
And i'll always love you
Even when the moon falls
I'll be your guiding light when you need me
and we shall haunt the lands together
until the end of time
Thank you <3
Apr 22, 2019
Apr 22, 2019 at 5:27 AM UTC
Tiles floors
As if an elaborate game of chess
Spiraled notebooks with lined paper
As if the bars on our collective prison cell
Mechanical pencils filled with lead
As if loaded weaponry to face war
Plastic chairs with metal screws
As if the electric chair to melt our brains away
Teachers and their ungodly stare
As if guards keeping us complacent
They do it for the world, they say
They do it to prepare us for life, they say
They do it to help us grow and become smarter, they say
But that's not the whole truth, not in the slightest
They want to keep us in line
They want to keep us in place
They want to keep us silenced
They want to make us the perfect human
They want us to be perfect
We were supposed to be perfect
Perfect...
But we cant
We cant do what they want us to
We cant be their cookie cutter student
Never with straight As
Never with perfect manners
Never with perfect behavior
Never with their perfect emotions
Because we can't
But we can be our own person
With our own feelings
With our own emotions
With our own words
With our own personalized strengths and weaknesses
Because we can't be what they want
What humanity wants
But we can be human
We can be ourselves
And we will be
We will break and fall
And we will crumble to the sea of woes
But we shall rebuild our mighty kingdom
Out of tear drops and wooden blocks
And we will be human
We will be us
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 10:05 AM UTC