It is silly to think my head is plagued by death
The many different forms that seemed to shroud me this year
A never-ending tragedy with no end in sight
The death of my relationship with my partner
The many nights I spent crying, breathless and tired
Sitting up in bed staring blankly, my mind wired
No one could have prepared me for your departure
One moment you were there, loving me and saying it
Only for the lies to come forth as you left me alone and empty
The death of my Uncle weighing on me
So close to coming home to stay with family
But not soon enough as we buried you with a small tree
It's weird to think of how you were here one moment
Now just a memory as I sit replaying the memories, losing sanity
The death of what family I had left
No one wanting the queer kid or ****** up child
Despite you being the reason I'm so ******* depressed
Yet you have no problem ignoring me and allowing me to be exiled
Forcing me to yet again grow up faster than I can as I begin my life
The death of my own hopes and dreams as everything crumbles around me
I lost everything and can only feel nothing
Some would argue that I have finally been set free
When in reality I am stuck suffering
With all of this death it's no wonder it is the only thing on my mind
How I sit now slowly and carefully counting my breathes
As I await my own death
Jul 31, 2021
Jul 31, 2021 at 10:00 PM UTC
can't sleep
i'm overcome by monsters, dark and vicious, ready for a feast
i can see them coming after me if i close my eyes for too long
they're strong, sadistic, twisted clawing towards me
among them are shadows with claws, open jaws
some are people though, eyes full of anger and hunger
smiles large and disturbing
i see my father, i see the boogeyman i hid from as a child
i see
Nothing
it always stops right before they reach me
shaking, afraid, tired
Oh so very tired
i've wrapped myself so tightly in blankets to stop the shaking but it does nothing
i've resorted to sleeping with a light, trying with all my might to ignore the shadows
they dance and turn, howl and cackle, gaze and smile, beckon me to join them
i am scared
i am lost
i am alone
why can't i find home, i know the address
know what it looks like but my maps don't lead me there
No
it leads me through a hell unknown
tell me when does it end?
because i'm tired of this game and just want some comfort
before i can no longer breathe
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 10:42 PM UTC
The definition of love is "a feeling of deep intense affection"
This didn't make much sense to me though
In fact if you told this to a child they'd be confused
So I decided to write my own definition
One that best explains what love is to me
It is staying with someone despite their flaws or beliefs
Standing beside them no matter the ups or downs
It's when your eyes meet and your minds become one
Being vulnerable in your emotions and sharing them
Trusting them enough to be yourself, even the person no one else sees
That fuzzy warm feeling when seeing them or something they like
It is caring so god **** deeply that it hurts
It is waiting for them with an umbrella because you know they hate getting wet, and it is pouring outside
It is Oreo cookies in a sandwich baggie, in an even amount, to watch their eyes light up in happiness
It is holding one another after nightmares that will forever haunt you both
It is dancing in the dark basement, carefree and happy, messily tangled together
It is the question game at midnight because you're both insomniacs
It is slushies in my car, cuddled close, as the radio softly hums
It is watching movies, both of us together, not at all paying attention
It is the future we see in one another
Love is
Whatever you want it to be to you
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 10:32 PM UTC
"Our love was written in the stars!" You would shout
I would disagree though
Because to me WE are the stars
Two different stars who have found one another
Hurtling towards one another, fast and hungry
Desperate to reach the other
Until finally they're in one another's view
Time seems to slow down
Eyes meeting
Arms out stretched
Creeping towards one another
Until we hit
Mouths locked in a passionate kiss
Everything around us is being engulfed in a blinding light
We don't care or seem to notice
Instead of destroying one another
We meld and mesh into one
No supernova
Creating a bigger, brighter star
It feels like hours but it has only been seconds
Finally we are one
A new beautiful star with a new universe
Spectacular and full of new life
All because stars collide
Dec 23, 2019
Dec 23, 2019 at 10:42 PM UTC
i have flown in a plane and i hated it,
but when i look towards the birds i can't help but to want to join them
it took me a while for me to realize what it was that i wanted
then it hit me, as most thoughts do, out of the blue
i remembered the story of Icarius and what happened to him
once he gained his freedom he became drunk on it
his addiction made him blind to the dangers of his freedom
thus he died at the hands of what he craved in life
much like him i want freedom
i don't want to deal with my unsupportive mother who doesn't believe in what i feel
i don't want to be stuck living in fear of my father and all he could do
i don't want to have to keep pretending i am one person around my family and another around my friends
i don't want to live in the body i was given
because despite everyone calling it a gift
i can't help but to laugh because to me it is a curse in which it is **** near impossible to live in
and yet each day i go on hoping that when i'm old enough life will get better
that my mother will accept me, and my father will leave me be
that one day i will be who i truly am and my friends and family will know that me
that one day i will make my body my own
eventually the day will come when i get my freedom
Aug 10, 2019
Aug 10, 2019 at 9:08 PM UTC
Sleep is a beautiful thing, sadly I can't ever get enough of it
She seems so close, yet she is always just out of reach
She taunts me gloating of how heavenly she is, torturing me
Others can easily get to her while people like me struggle for even the smallest of touches
She only appears when she isn't needed
In my classes, during practice and when I need to go out
Then and only then does she grip me tightly not willing to let me go
She knows what she's doing and yet she won't stop
Yet still when I need her most she disappears
So sleep child and leave your fears behind you
Create a world of your own design
Live and thrive there
Let it become your own, because when you grow
Your monsters will follow you and sleep will abandon you
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:59 PM UTC
What is it that you see
When you look at me?
Is it my hair
That's slightly long?
Is it my face
That is round and soft?
Is it my height
That is shorter than most?
Or is it my body
Which doesn't match up with my mind?
When you look at me
Is it a boy or girl that you see?
May 25, 2018
May 25, 2018 at 11:50 PM UTC
I crave for your taste
You're sweet, strong, and flood my senses
Warming me from the inside out
When my lips touch you I shiver from delight
I know you are bad for me though
But you're so good that I don't care
You make me anxious more so than normal
As I think of the people judging me for having you
You make me restless as I pace the floors
Worried of when you'll leave me again
I can't stop shaking and moving
If I stop it feels as though I'd be doomed to die
Then later as you finally leave me
I crash, falling over myself from exhaustion
I love you, I need you
But you're not good for me
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018 at 8:27 PM UTC
On that day the birds were chirping
Dogs were barking
Children were outside laughing
Parents were watching them laughing along with them
All oblivious to the one house
The house that has a blanket of silence bundling it
Wrapped so tight that it was suffocating
But if you listen carefully enough
You can hear someone whispering
Whispering three cursed words that would haunt everyone
"He is dead..."
He had been dead for three days
Three days had gone and pass
Days in which I carried on like nothing was wrong
Because to me nothing was wrong
The children still played
The birds still sang
The world still spun
Yet he wasn't here anymore
I wanted to scream and shout
"Stop! How can you all be fine, he is gone, nothing is fine!"
All the adventures we planned to go on
All the hobbies we said we'd do
All the promises he couldn't keep
The worst part of all this
Is that I am beginning to forget
Forgetting the adventures
The promises
How his face looks
How his voice sounded
How I will never actually get to see him again
Despite the fact that he was so happy
Despite the fact that the doctors said he was getting better
Despite the fact that he worked so hard
He still died, even on a sunny day in April
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 2:21 PM UTC