City lights look so much prettier teary eyed
And crashing waves drown out the sounds of breaking hearts
I look up to the sky and wonder where all the stars have gone
And I think about how im the sky and everyone is the city
They outshine me
Jul 26, 2018
Jul 26, 2018 at 12:31 AM UTC
Its like constantly looking for somebody to be there
Somebody to talk to about it
But when they’re there
Words don’t seem to form
You’re rendered speechless
And looking like a fool
You don’t know how to say it
How to explain
Even when you do you always hate the silence that comes after
You can practically hear them thinking about what to say
How to react
They don’t understand how you could feel this way
And why
How
So you say its nothing its just a moment that will pass
But it hasn’t passed in years
And you’re scared that it never will
Jul 6, 2018
Jul 6, 2018 at 12:57 AM UTC
"The problem with suicide is that when it becomes an option in your mind, it's always an option."
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 11:55 PM UTC
I think the problem with me is that I don’t know how to settle
I said I wanted to live abroad
I did it but now I want to go home
I spend months looking for a good job
Once i find it I quit on the first week
I say that I want a boyfriend
But I push away all the guys who try to be in my life
All I have are excuses even I don’t buy
Im impulsive
And reckless and destructive
Ive never known how to settle
So I mindlessly walk around my life not knowing
What to do
Where to go
Who to love
How undeniable lonely being lost in yourself really is
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 11:26 PM UTC
I mumble the words I want them to hear
Yet don’t
I wrap my hands over my chest in attempt to protect it
From what I don’t know
I say okay but I don’t want to
Nothing was ever simple
I found myself in the corner cowering
I realize ive been there for too long
I look up at the sky and I get overwhelmed at how big the world really was
And I understand why I confine myself
In the safety of my dark room
Because I could never fail if I don’t try
No one loves the sad girl
So im not sad will you love me
If I reach out my hand I could almost feel you yet I know you’re way too far
I don’t really believe them when they say im pretty
Because I know every stretch mark, acne scar, rash, dark spor there is on my body
And as much as I try to romanticize my flaws I hate them
And I feel ugly
I hate my birthday
I hate growing old because im scared of being alone forever
Being sad forever
And not sad that I cry alot
But sad that I occasionally cry but most of the time im just laying in bed staring at the ceiling feeling completely empty
I love you but
I like you but
You’re amazing but
You’re funny but
You’re nice but
You’re pretty but
You’re not her
Just as a friend
She’s so much better
It gets old
You can be such a *****
You’re fat
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 1:04 AM UTC
Today I met a guy who blew my mind
We didn’t talk long but we talked about a lot
He asked about my family
And what my siblings were like
We talked about religion
And how out moms were almost the person
He told me he was at that point in life where he got everything he wanted
And he’s just looking for someone to marry
Told me not to give up on love this young
Now im laying in bed
Thinking about all the guys I’ve met
All the moves they made to get me into bed
All the false praise
And the shallow conversations
And Im happy
That I found someone who genuinely wants to get to know me
He spells
And i like him
I like how much of a dork he is and how he spells cool with a K
Im so used to guys flirting
That it doesn’t phase me anymore
But im giddy
And he made me smile
Now I can barely sleep
Praying that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for
And if he’s not I hope he doesn’t go too soon
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 11:58 PM UTC
Its one of those days
When darkness consumes my mind
Taking control of my limbs making it press this knife against my throat
On the floor sobbing
Don’t ask me why it was today because I don’t know
Don’t know why my mind chose the middle of the afternoon to say it wants to die
It just did
Tell me how do I explain that to anybody
That nothing triggered me
It came out of nowhere
Like it was hiding in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment to strike
I couldn’t do it though
Because it hurt
But the miniscule pain gave off temporary relief
It gave me a sense of power
One that I didn’t have over my life
But once my episode is over I get scared
Scared that one day I’ll have enough courage to not just press
But stab
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 12:50 AM UTC
Ive always had trouble expressing myself
Because no one ever listened
No one ever noticed
Im so much more than my short comings and failures
Im a 5 year old princess at heart twirling under pink skies
Throwing sprinkles and running around rainbows
I love my family more than I love myself
Even when im sobbing in the dark my mind wanders to what could be happening in the world around me
I like animals more than people because no animal has caused me heart ache
I smile so you wouldn’t be burdened with my self hatred
Im the type of girl who ask for pictures of dogs to make me feel better
And I only accept the love I deserve
And I don’t really think I deserve love at all
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 1:43 AM UTC
Am I crazy for wanting something ive never been able to give
Love doesn’t materialize out of thin air
Nor does it a appear in my heart
How can you do something
When no one’s ever shown you how
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 1:31 AM UTC
I realized something
Things have changed
*** stopped filling the void and
Words don’t make me feel pretty anymore
And heartache is just another pang
Forgotten between the beats
Apr 9, 2018
Apr 9, 2018 at 1:02 AM UTC