All those times I’ve tried
Thinking that I’ve tried to hard or too little
To please the people in my life I consider important
There is a thin line for what is too wrong or too right for the soul
That invisible veil blended into the atmosphere
I’ve done it multiple times
Felt as if I’ve given my all and still fell short to everyone else
They couldn’t read my mind though
They didn’t know what they were putting me through
Only I knew what was inside
A black canvas with words scratched into it
Self doubt
Insecurities
And pain
They made me feel like a failure
And since I’ve failed...what next?
What do I do now?
Anger
It was all I felt
Not towards anyone but towards myself
How stupid could I be to go through so much and follow the same path again
Why did I still care about the opinion of people
My tears were proof of self torture
A gloomy cloud frequently hanged over my head
It showered me in black thoughts
Soaked me in dangerous emotions
They weighed me down with what if questions
I knew I would be fine though
To end all of the turmoil I thought of a temporary fix
One solution
It was that little white bottle filled with little white pills
I found great relief in the form of deep self medicated sleep
But I promise you now I’m doing much better
I do consider what people think
But I don’t allow those opinions to rule me
I am my own person
And I may fall short sometimes but nobody is perfect
And I’m perfectly fine with that
Because in the end nobody’s got me like I got me
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 6:12 AM UTC
Whenever I’m happy I become sad
Whenever I’m sad I become disconsolate
A gloomy cloud hangs over my head -
Showering me in black thoughts,
Soaking me in dangerous emotions
Weighing me down with what if questions
Everyday my heart hands out invitations
Everyday my minds says I should know better
Nothing’s wrong with being emotional
Nothing’s wrong until the pain have to be released
I keep my pride n tell everyone lies
I’m tempted to turn my pain physical
To mark my skin
To cut my thighs
It’s something I could hide
Something that would make me feel relieved inside
Oct 21, 2018
Oct 21, 2018 at 5:59 PM UTC
Drowning inside of my head
My thoughts poking at me
Edging me to do things that I shouldn’t
To hurt others... to destroy myself, to make everything bleed
Struggling to think of happy thoughts
Brighter days;
Being overcomed by waves of anger and sadness
Empty promises cause my mind to surge
Why do I keep letting people do this to me -
Why can I not tell them how I feel -
Why do they say what they can never do...
Why do I believe?
A hurricane is storming inside of me,
My tears the only sign of pain
A sign that only my bedroom sees.
Though I’m grounded
I’m lost at Sea
Oct 21, 2018
Oct 21, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC