Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need
For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush
How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me
My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want
But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality
Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self
The crickets chirp
I put the pills down
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 2:04 PM UTC
The debates and conversations about these horrid things
The judged and stereotyped mental illness'
The unheard opinion of the girl in the back
The thoughts that consume her as she sits in her class
The illness' hitting her hard and instantaneously
She sits in the back and can't help that she's being judged by her unknowing classmates. She tries her hardest to keep the thoughts low. She hurts. They're killing her inside and don't realize. They don't know the truth behind her smile, the issues she deals with while sitting alone. Oh the Horrible Things that she's dealing with.
Feb 20, 2018
Feb 20, 2018 at 1:55 PM UTC
he may have broken her
but her eyes will still glow golden in soft sunlight
even if her cheeks are stained with tears
s.s
Jan 25, 2018
Jan 25, 2018 at 11:16 AM UTC
Blood
flows from my
wrists
as i sit here
as alone as i can be
contemplating
why
i do this to myself
there doesn't seem to be a reason
not a good one anyway
life is the reason
it gives me control
because i need some relief
from the weight of my world
crashing down on top of me
i'm trying to hold it up
but each day
it slips
a little more
and soon
it will be a pile of rubble
crushing me into the ground
someone please
help me
put my world
back together
before i am crushed
by this mountain of
misery
Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 10:12 AM UTC
The worst part you ask?
It's the feeling of loneliness deep in my heart,
Or the darkness that surrounds me at the start.
It's the looming pain and the blood stains.
It's knowing that you have completely lost yourself,
not knowing what to do or where to go.
It's when you can't even cry, because you don't care anymore.
It's knowing that no matter what you do,
you don't ever feel like you are good enough.
It's the worst part.
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 11:08 AM UTC
there have been many Nights
where i have sat Alone
and Cried
Pills in hand
waiting
ready to Die
But when i close my Eyes
and bring those pills to my lips
I see you
and i can't
i can't do it
so I put the pills Away
maybe take one or two
just to ease the pain
to make the firecrackers
leave my brain
but you are here to stay
please never go away
Nov 1, 2017
Nov 1, 2017 at 11:38 AM UTC
You want to know the truth?
I lost a part of me that day
My body shutting down
As the convulsions started
I guess that's what happens Right?
Eighty two capsules of Tylenol
Dissolving rapidly in my stomach
As the seizures started
I broke my little brothers lamp
Crashing to the floor
muscle spasms kept me awake
Just long enough to think...
Think of my mistakes
And the reasons I wanted out
The flashes of your face
And the shades of your smiles
But till this day, I'll never forget
Not once was I afraid
Not once did I regret
I truly believed I was going to die
And I had accepted it
Sometimes I wonder
If a part of me did die that day
Left behind to wither away
Haunting me from time to time
Calling me to come back
And to be honest
I miss you old friend
But I still have things to do
So you'll have to wait a little longer
Before we can hold hands once more
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 11:53 AM UTC