Pain. One of the few things that you can use in many ways in being hurt, but yet it still lingers.
Either a scrape, cut, bruise, heavy heart, maybe a broken heart, or just the heavy feeling of guilt
left unsaid in your heart. Losing a best friend, or a family member hurts, but everyone handles
things differently. Either they move on from said things with a breeze or it haunts them like there is no tomorrow.
Yet nothing hurts more than knowing the pain/ damage you caused to the person you love more than anything…
Everyday you look into the eyes of love of your life and although they might try to hide that pain,
you can still see it clear as day. It haunts you like a bad nightmare, just a loop that you’re
forever stuck in. It hits you everyday over and over, and as it hits each time it leaves more
damage to you, yourself. And as you see the damage happening you don’t care to try to stop it.
It leaves a heavy guilt in your heart, and with each beat you’re reminded of that guilt. Sickening
almost, but there’s nothing that can be done. Sorry doesn’t help, they forgive you but you just
hate yourself more and more. And the hatred just grows and grows.
Trying to do right won’t help, the damage is already done. You try to forget yourself, but it still
lingers in the shadows. Something always brings up what happened, just to be hit by that same
guilt and hatred again. Every night when you go to sleep you know they’re thinking about what
happened.
Just about every other night when they think you’re asleep you can hear them trying to cry
quietly from that damage YOU caused. They cry in their sleep from that pain still, holding them
helps them feel better, but yet their tears dribble on your skin and you can feel the pain they
feel. Causing the guilt in your chest to only become heavier, and each time a tear drops, they
squeeze you tightly, or even holding them closer and saying that it’s okay, everything will be
alright. It still doesn’t get rid of that heavy guilt and hatred for yourself because of what you’ve
done to them.
Everyday it’s the same thing, you smile because you are happy but that guilt is still there with
that hatred. You know it won’t go away but you still hide it. You don’t want to damage them
anymore than what you already have. Their dreams crushed by your own carelessness and not
giving a **** about anything. It always reflects off of them when you look at them, it’s as if it’s a
mirror you’re looking at of yourself. We all know that pain, guilt, and hatred you have for what
you did won’t go away, it will always be there…. So just hide it like you always do.
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 18, 2019 at 10:18 AM UTC
How many times
must i keep running from
the sickness that of which lays in the back of
my head?
How many times
Have i screamed for help
But no one heard
How many times
Must i face the
Same demons over and over
As they crawl in the back of my mind
The deepest part which no one can unlock
How many times
Have i pleaded for help
In silence where you didn’t hear me
How many times
Have you seen me in tears
But just thought i was laughing at something
funny
How many times i ask myself
How many times til you notice
That i’m alone in this world with no
one
Sep 19, 2018
Sep 19, 2018 at 2:47 PM UTC
Why
must i feel so broken
Like the entire world
Is resting on my shoulders
As if nothing matters
Why
must i feel so forgotten
As if no one cares anymore
Nobody truly needs me
I’m a waste of space
Why
must i feel so alone
With no one there for me
To truly understand
What’s wrong
Why
must they say they’re
Here for me when
They’re not there
To help me
Why
must they say they
Understand when don’t
They really don’t know
Why
must i scream in silence
Only to be unheard
No matter how i try
My demons are slowly
Killing me
In this lonely darkness
I sit by myself and
I only ask why
Sep 19, 2018
Sep 19, 2018 at 2:46 PM UTC
Every day I breathe in the clean air
Knowing that you love me
The smile on your face
As beautiful as the sunset
My hand caressing your cheek
Saying everything is okay
Pulling you closer to as I whisper sweetly in your ear,
"I'll never let you go"
My heart racing
As I hold your hand in mine
My love will never fade
Because you hold the only key
"Please don't leave me"
You are my entire world
My reason to smile everyday
The thought of you always in my head
You keep me going
I cannot promise you the world
But I know I'll never let you go
I will fight the bloodiest battle
Before I ever surrender
Because you are
The love of my life
Jan 30, 2018
Jan 30, 2018 at 9:21 AM UTC
I told you to stop
To quit talking to them
But you never listened
And now you complain
About the stress and anger
Each time you forgave them
Only to repeat it again
And complain about it while
The destruction builds inside of me
Slowly I get angrier and angrier
It builds inside of me
Like a volcano ready to explode
As the stress builds between us
Each worse than the last
My anger screaming
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? I TOLD YOU TO STOP!!! YOU'RE LIKE A DOG WHO WONT STOP EATING EVEN THOUGH THE MASTER SAYS TOO!!! "
I simply cannot keep this in much longer
This mountain of anger and stress
Is ripping apart every shred of my soul
Just listening for once and stop
Stop talking to them for god's sake
I don't want to unleash this demon
Because you won't listen
Nov 25, 2017
Nov 25, 2017 at 11:34 PM UTC
You lash out at me
Hoping to make me weaker
Hurt by the blade of your words
As tears fill my eyes
The first crack starts
"I'm fine I promise"
Knowing these lies
That they keep you away from me
I am stone
I lie to myself to block you out
Another fight, fills the air like fog
Ah yes, another tear to a company my eye
I hold back my anger
This volcano building inside of me
I am stone
The anger keeps building inside me
But I suppress it, to hold it lock and key
More fights break out
More deadlier than the last
Each time the cracks becoming deeper
I am stone
Now I've blocked you out
No longer respond to what you say
You yelling I'm like talking to a stone
Hoping to get through, but it's not working
Because I am stone
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 12:06 AM UTC
I once could see a mist. It was like a fog that never left. Just like the empty void that controlled my heart. Til I met you, then it was lifted.
We talked about things we planned to do in life together. Even the little things, like watching the moon at night. Or making the other laugh when they were sad.
Hearing you say I love you made me smile from ear to ear. Just having you in my life made me feel loved. I couldn't live without you, you were my entire world. And I'd sacrifice everything for you.
"I love you"
Until that day I planned to see you again. Things happened and I had to see you the next day. Knowing it hurt your heart just as much as mine. I tried to make you feel better, I really did. I promise I love you...
You did it, you said that horrific sentence I never imagined hearing.
"This isn't working, I think we should split up"
Bam! Just like that, you killed me inside. Placing me in tears wondering why? Why me? Why now? What did I do? Nothing you said helped. Ripping out my heart, destroying it to nothingness. I had felt the worse pain ever imagined.
Only then I realized despite all my efforts you never loved me. Telling me sorry for the pain you caused. Realizing you made a mistake. My vision cleared, after all those lies the last thing you said was...
"I'm so sorry, I love you"
Sep 3, 2017
Sep 3, 2017 at 2:39 AM UTC
Please don't tease me, with your silky lips singing to me like an Angel to relieve me from this world. To send the pain away with numbness slowly consuming my body.
Please don't tease me, with your body, using it to your advantage seeping in like the venom from a snake flowing in it's prey's bloodstream. Dropping me to my knees from your sweet kiss of death.
Please don't tease me, with your battering eyes like the gates of heaven resides inside you. Merely looking deeper, lost in your basking beauty.
Please don't tease me, pretending that lust is your desire that only I, can attain. Swinging those hips to a melody to send me to hell, where I'd burn for eternity.
So I simply ask again....
Please don't tease me
Aug 24, 2017
Aug 24, 2017 at 12:07 AM UTC
I'll be honest, the thought of death nor dying scares me. Or never knowing what it's like to be famous, for people to know the greatness I brought into the world. Getting in a car accident doesn't frighten me either. What scares me is those last seconds when you realize you're alone. No matter how much love or attention you're given at that very moment, you're alone. Your life flashing before you, everything you did wrong, hurting people, pushing loved one's away, just wishing you could take those moments back. Those moments where something went wrong for you and you sat in tears for hours wondering "why me?". Truth be told that when everyone is around you, they begin to fade. You loose your hearing, everything gets fuzzy, and you can't hear anyone, just counting the seconds away, waiting to greet death. Seeing a black void in the distance, there's a latter somewhere but you can't see it. Can't crawl your way out of the void. As the void is seeping in, everything is fading. Right before your eyes when you finished saying goodbye, and hello to a cold dark place to call as your new home.
Truth be told
Aug 21, 2017
Aug 21, 2017 at 11:01 PM UTC
I always love being in the mountains. Ever since I was a kid I couldn't stop thinking about them. The fresh clean air, out away from the city. A peaceful place where you can go and get lost in the beauty of the scenery.
The scent of pine trees and pinecones is rather sweet, like the earth after a thunderstorm. The soft crackle of twigs breaking under your feet as your walked the miles beyond miles of trees. Birds chirping in the distance as you reach the top of the mountain to overlook the valley. Off in the distance you see an eagle feeding her babies in the top of a tree. Hearing their sweet chirps calming your sharp breaths. Nothing holding back, as the wind gently blows your hair across your cheeks. This is what it means to live the dream, to feel no one to weigh you down, understanding that this is what it means to be truly free.
Aug 21, 2017
Aug 21, 2017 at 10:56 PM UTC